Fix You
by Sexy Blizzard
Summary: I knew the moment Edward left me that Angels didn't exist. How could they when all that was left for me was death? So I was waiting for it to take me when I heard the voice of not an angel, but a god. "I'm going to save you my dear Isabella."  "Carlisle?"
1. Prelude To Tradgedy

**A/N The plotline in this story is mine. However, I may borrow some words from the books, like I did in this chapter. Those words are Stephanie Meyer's property. As are the characters. I just like to take them out and play with them. So for all those of you who thought Edward was too whiny. Who thought Bella had NO personality. Who thought Jacob took his shirt off WAY too much. Welcome, to team Carlisle!**

**Prelude To Tradgedy: Edwards POV**

I should have known she would do such a little thing as get a papercut. It was so Bella. It was so human! Exactly what I wanted her to be. However, this was one little experience I wish she could have skipped out on altogether.

Because in a house of vampires, flowing blood, even just a little, was a toxin. It was a neon sign above your head that blazed lunch. And though non of us partook in human blood, it scared me because not all of us had perfect control. Least of all, Jasper. And that was when I heard it

_**Mine!**_

And I watched with frozen eyes, fearing for Bella, as Jasper raced towards the source of the elixer, with fear gripping my heart tight. In the blink of an eye, I pushed her back against the wall as Jasper crashed into me. I shoved him off with all my might as he flew and crashed into the window.

But before I could think, once again, Jasper tried to go for me, with a grisly snarl deep in his chest. I refused to let him past me, even though he was snapping his teeth mere inches from my face. I growled right back. I had to save my Bella!

Than I saw Emmet, bless him, who grabbed Jasper from behind as Jasper still struggled, his wild eyes fixated on Bella. I tried to remind myself that he was my brother. I tried to think of the good in Jasper and not all the sudden reasons that I should kill him.

I finally took a deep calming breathe I didn't need only to freeze. There was much more blood than there had been when she'd received the paper cut. If my heart could beat, it would be working the blood through my veins double time. And than I looked at Bella and my face, which turned pale from the fight, went white. She was losing blood. Fast. Too fast. And I wanted nothing more than to press my lips to that wound and drink her dry.

_**No! Focus!**_

But the truth was that I COULDN'T focus. In fact, even if I'd wanted to attack Bella, I couldn't move. My mind raced on ahead while my body stood frozen, still trying to get over the shock. I wanted to drink her blood. I wanted to save her life. I wanted to sink my strong teeth into her skin like butter and I sheathed myself into her welcoming womb and-

_**No! You obey me! Not the other way around! We do as I say!**_

I delt with my internal panic as I kept my gaze frozen, trying not to make this any harder on her. And than everyone unfroze and the thoughts came.

_**Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!**_

_**She needs help! I should get a towel! What can I do? Oh why oh why didn't I see this coming?**_

_**Jeeze, this is the best fight that Jaspers put up in a long time. Well, at least Bella doesn't smell THAT good. That way I can focus on this little punk. Maybe I can have Bella cut herself on purpose so Jasper will fight me like this all the time! Than I'll always win!**_

_**Ugh, if he messes up my hair, I am SO gonna KILL him! I mean, I didn't even want to come to this party. Than she has to go and cut herself and now I have to babysit a vampire throwing a fucking tempertantrum! This is NOT would I would have wanted to do with my night! Besides, Bella's blood is almost revolting. It's too sickly sweet. It makes me wanna puke. Oh no! My hair! I can feel it knotting! Jasper is so gonna pay!**_

_**Oh, the blood. It's...oh dear. It's beginning to become to much. But I MUST help my daughter. But will I be able to without placing her in danger? Oh my poor Bella, I'm so sorry.**_

The thoughts ran through my head like a buzzing. It was too loud! And I could swear I was about to get a vampire headache! In all this insanity, Carlisle was the only one who stayed calm. I guessed it was his experience from the emergency room that afforded him this quiet authoritative confidence. But that was a background thought to the one forefront in my mind. The one that said: _Bella is bleeding._

_**It looks like she slashed a small vein deeply. But I don't think she hit an artery. All she needs are stitches and I am sure she will be fine. But I will have to pull all of that glass out of the wound first. And I have to make sure that I don't rupter any veins along the way. Oh, and Jasper...**_

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."

But after that statement was when I looked at the cut and realized, I'd only made it worse. _I _was the one who had inadvertantly attacker her. Once again, I'd failed Bella. But I'd not only failed Bella. I'd almost killed her! And now she was bleeding profusely and it was all my fault!

I didn't hear what Emmett said to Jasper. I didn't see Jasper struggle against Emmett. I already knew there was a chance he could slip. So like a moth to flame, I pushed myself closer to the wine, but resisted communion as I crouched in a low clearly defensive position in front of Bella. My love.

I took what was supposed to be a deep calming breath, but after a second of breathing in, it was too much and I held my breath, just as all the others did. I growled as they led Jasper out the back door, a warning the slipped through my clenched teeth. I saw Esme holding the door open, a soft cry on her face. She was ashamed that she had to leave Bella. She wanted to help her. But she couldn't when there was so much blood.

Rosalie's thought's switched and were now smug. Thinking about how she had never attacked anyone and how Jasper needed to learn to "grow up" like her. I breathed out an annoyed breath at Rosealie. I hated having to listen to her thoughts.

And than I heard the thoughts of Carlisle.

There was nothing wrong with them, per se. But there was an undercurrent to them. An undercurrent that held such a strong emotion that just listening to his thoughts almost knocked me off my feet. And I was shocked, as I often was, that he didn't try to steal my mate. But than again, Carlisle was too truthful and honest for something like that.

And plus, being able to read his thoughts, I couldn't be angry. Because it was no crush or addiction, what he felt for her. It was simply a strong urge to protect her. One that was just as strong as mine, if not stronger. I never had understood it or why he felt it and I honestly envied him of it. What he felt for her was so much like what I felt for her. Yet so much healthier.

To me, Bella was a drug. A needle to a junkie. Heroin to an addict. Meth to a drug user. She was undoubtedly my perfect drug. She reeled my senses everytime I was near her and literally set me on fire! And I burned lustfully in the flame. Yet Carlisle,...

If I was an wild and uncontrolled, than Carlisle was freedom, peace. He was the calm, they eye of the storm. His thoughts were peaceful towards her, with an undercurrent of such a healthy love that it felt like I was standing in the sun. I could see that it wouldn't be as hard for them...to be together. There would be no fighting. No stress. Hardly any disagreements. He wasn't like me. No. He would know how to save Bella, yet give her the space she needed to breathe. He wouldn't even have to smother her. He would simply ask and she would do.

It was so different! And certainly better for Bella's health. But could I really give her up? I couldn't think about myself, I had to think about Bella.

I'd come close to attacking Bella many times over. And now I'd actually attacked her! Even though it was inadvertantly. It wasn't safe for her in our world! Carlisle knew that. I knew that. And now I was protecting her from my own family? No. Something had to give. And if it was my own relationship with Bella, so be it.

Besides, Carlisle was able to truly give her what she needed. Whether that be to her a comfort or friendship or a father or even just a shoulder to cry on. And in all cases, he was there. She didn't have to be his "mate". She just had to be something to him. She had to include him in her life somehow. And he would be whatever she needed him to be. That was the true definition of a mate. And that was when I realized, I was in love with Bella. BUt she wasn't my true mate.

And doubt seeped into me from every pore. Surely Carlisle and Bella would have realized their potential relationship by now? I wasn't even sure if Bella kept me around because she loved me, or because she was in love with Carlisle. The thought made my insides boil with rage. But lucky for me, Carlisle was in love with Esme. I just had to find out if Bella loved Carlisle as well. But I couldn't read her mind. Did she love him?

"Let me by Edward."

I knew my father had no lustful intentions towards my Bella...not yet at least. And in that moment I decided I would make sure there never would be. I moved out of his way, anxious to have him heal Bella. I was anxious to have him heal her, so I could destroy her. Oh the irony. But I knew she would get over the pain, she was strong.

I didn't dwell on that any longer as. Things were progressing rather quickly out side my mind.

Alice wanted to help so she offered a towel to Carlisle who refused it, saying something about "too much glass in the wound." I didn't care. I just wanted her to _stop bleeding. _

I helped heft Bella to a chair by the kitchen table while Carlisle kept a steady pressure on her arm. Alice already had the bag.

Carlisle asked her how she was doing and I was angered when she said she was fine. She was bleeding from a vertical gash down her arm that only barely missed her artery and she said she was _"fine"? _My own brother nearly ripped her to pieces and I was the one to cause her this pain and she said she was _fine?_

I sat Bella gently in the chair as Carlisle went to work at once. I would stay here and help bella, despite my thirst. I would control it. I would save Bella. As I'd said to her before, mind over matter.

"You don't need to be a Hero. Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air."

She winced in pain and it took everything within me not to rush to her side and embrace her.

"I'll stay."

I came to stand protectively over Bella, looking for anyway Jasper could get in here. And that was when I heard her speak again. Or more like mumble.

"Why are you so masochistic?"

I was about to respond when Carlisle interjected. "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you."

Bell's eyes brightened eagerly. "Yes, go find Jasper."

"You might as well do something useful," Alice interjected.

I could feel my eyes narrowing as a deep seated anger started knawing at my stomach. She wanted me out of here so she could spend her precious time with Carlisle uninterrupted. Well, I could give her that. I could give her all the time she needed. My brain started working overtime as I nodded once and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door. I had something to plan. Even if it was something I knew I wouldn't like, it had to be done.

**A/N Ooooh! Cliffhanger! I'm so excited! What do you think Edward is going to plan? I kow, I can't wait to find out either! Guys, I will ask for a maximum of only one review if you want me to post another chapter. So bring on a review!**


	2. Edward's Descision

**Ivorygirl1990: Yeah. I kinda had to let you into Edward's head. Especially with how different this story might turn out to be. Plus that, now you're getting even more juicy details from Edwards mind! But I'll forewarn you, Edward is emo. :)**

**LadyLeya: I do hope you enjoy this story. And don't worry! I PROMISE you I will continue to post. I'm just as addicted to it as you are! lol!**

**acw1: I will definetly bring you more. And yeah, it is kinda sad. But, you'll never guess what will happen! You'll just have to read to find out! Who will be Bella's Knight in sparkling rainbows? Lol! ;)**

**A/N I'm warning you now that not ALL these chapters will be in Edwards POV. I'm doing this for a specific reason. So enjoy it while it lasts. I may bring him back in later chapters, but this is the last one for now. And I know that you are sorry that I took Edward away from you. But if you feel down and need cheering up, remember the words of our famous psychotic pixie-"Waste not, want not!" Warning, this chapter has character death in it. And it's kinda sad. But the next one will be better. So keep reading my loyal fans! lol!**

I'd calmed Jasper down enough that he was actually able to hunt while Bella's "beloved" Carlisle laced the stitches that sealed up the gash in her arm. I envied the time spent between them and my thoughts were on what Bella would be doing or saying now. Whether she was touching him, discovering him, with her silky hands, or the gods forbid that she had explored his skin before and what they were currently doing was only a repeat. That much I couldn't take! If she had cheated on me...I shuddered. I wondered, as I couldn't stop my mind from drifting, if they were declaring their undying love for each other right at that moment. If I could have been crying, I would have. And I felt another piece of my heart break.

But than copioius amounts of shame thundered into me in several different waves as I realized; Bella was too innocent to seduce a married man. She was too innocent to have gone that far. In fact, they were probably just talking about his past, as she was so curious about everyone from my family. And Carlisle...had my jealousy really turned me mad? Carlisle was worse than I was about propriety. He would never "make a move", as my brothers called it, on Bella because he was married to Esme. And not just married, but madly in love. And despite what Carlisle felt for Bella being stronger, I knew she was too innocent and he too proper for anything to be happening.

And yet, the thoughts on the otherside of the fence argued back. Conjuring up images I never wanted to imagine. My sweet little Bella, acting the skank for Carlisle. On the operating table, the creamy skin of her backside showing just under a sinful amount of lacce and Carlisle pounded into her nakedly from behind...**No!** Carlisle cheating on Esme with Bella. Would they do it?_ Could_ they do it? **Stop!**

I had no answers and I felt like my mind was going to explode. Even for a vampire, these thoughts were too much. If only I was a mind reader who could control thoughts! That would make a world of difference. If only. And I dropped to the ground, no longer able to stand.

Because in the end, it all came down to control for me. It had to. I had to keep myself in control so I didn't hurt Bella. I had to keep myself in control so Bella wouldn't be scared. I had to keep myself in control for my family. I _hated_ having to be in control. For once in my life, I'd like to slip out of it. Like a snake shedding it's skin, I wanted to shed my control. But if I shed my control right now, I would kill Bella and Carlisle both.

And than it hit me just why I loved Bella. She tempted my control. She tested me. She pushed me. She called to my more ambitious side and kept me distracted from a horrid truth. And for the first time, I began to question. Was I really Bella's mate?

My petty morbid thoughts continued in this war-like pattern for quite awhile. Though how long, I'd ceased to remember or count the time. I didn't want to. And I felt jealousy stab through me _again_. My thoughts were not exactly unnwarranted due to the situation, just unwanted. Unwanted because there was so much pain attached to them. If Carlisle was what Bella wanted, could I really give her up? Could I really share? Did I really want what was in her best interest, or was I scared because it was all about my control...all about me?

And even as I asked that question I could hear the monster within me growling. _Mine!_

The jealousy was hot. Hotter than that of a scorching change _ever_ would be. Although, upon waking up to the jealousy, I didn't feel the burning flame in my throat. I felt it deep within the pit of my scorching heart. And I honestly didn't think it could get any worse. But I was wrong. Because than, I was forced to take Bella home, enduring Carlisle's sent on her. Another man's scent on the woman that was _mine!_ I couldn't remember if I wanted to know or not what had happened between them. And another piece of my heart broke deep inside my hardened outer shell.

I was so deeply lost in my own thoughts that I forgot Bella was right there with me until she said "Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?"

"Yes." Of course I remembered, I'd been shocked that she hadn't stuck with her original descision as Bella was such a constant little thing. But I was happy none the less. And yet, I was also wary. She wanted something from me. And it looked like she wanted-_No! Don't go there!_

_"_Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

I smirked. "You're greedy tonight." Wasn't she always?

She smiled lightly. "Yes, I am-but please, don't do anything you don't want to do."

I smirked. "Heaven forbid I should do anything I don't want to do."

And than I kissed her. It started out much the same as other kisses we shared. But I knew with the decision that I'd already made, there would be no more kissing Bella. But I needed Bella! But I couldn't have her. But I HAD to have her! But she wasn't mine. But she was mine! My head spun in confusion and a pain so deep that it lashed at my unbeating heart until I almost felt it beat again.

**No,** I realized. **That's not my heart.** My heart had ceased to beat long ago. And I realized what I was feeling. **That's her heart. A heart that I will never be able to have**. And that was when I lost my mind. Crushing her against me, I slipped my tongue into her mouth. _Ambrosia._

But I quickly discovered what was happening and I pulled back, scared to hurt Bella with my passion. A passion that should never possess her. **It wasn't right**, I realized. "Sorry. That was out of line." I was embaressed and I hung my head low in shame, wondering how she could never forgive me.

"_I _don't mind."

I almost rolled my eyes. _Of course_ she didn't. So after I distracted her with presents, tylenol, and sleep I made a descision.

I'd promised I'd stay till morning, but once I was sure she was deep in her slumber, I kissed her forehead one last time. This would truly be the last time that I could ever be with her again. And so I savored it. I took a moment to appreciate Bella for all that she was. The scars, the bruises, the faint invisible the human eyes bumps in her skin that show where she had broken her bones. I smiled, leaned over, and kissed her forehead.

"Try to sleep Bella."

_"Edward."_

My smile was nothing but a twisted sense of irony. And than I left without a backwards glace, not looking back. And I felt something deep inside me break. More than I had been breaking all night. And I dropped to my knees in Bella's front yard at the force of it and waited for it to pass. And than I shot up and ran, ignoring the tearing pain in my chest that came from the source of my cold dead heart.

I began thinking logically for the first time in a long time. I now remembered what it was like, the thing I had been before. And I knew that I would resort back to that once and for all and forevermore. Goodbye Bella.

I wasn't sure if Jasper needed help still or not but I knew they would all be out in the forest. So just incase I was needed, I ran to go help Jasper. But instead, I ended up having a very different intent. Instead, I was going to talk about what we were going to do next.

But I was delayed as soon as Jasper saw me. And at that moment I knew two things. One: he had most certainly hunted and Two: he couldn't have possibly been more grief stricken. I could tell by the way he stuttered, which Jasper never did.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I couldn't-I just didn't-I could smell-I'm sorry."

I nodded at him, unperturbed. He was already forgiven since what was done was done. I personally thought it was just time to move on from Forks _and_ Bella.

I knew my reasons. This was no longer about Jasper. His attack on her was just icing on the cake. It was evidence that Bella was not safe with me. She'd been hunted, broken, and attacked by a vampire. And now I had to protect her from my family as well? And not just that by my families very nature? It was illogical.

And it was just too much for my mind to fathom. Why would I even _want_ to put an innocent human in jeapordy? This wasn't even about Bella. This was just talking safety wise. It was too dangerous. And being protected from a coven of vampires twenty four seven was impossible.

It had already killed a part of me to watch Jasper being hauled out as he struggled against the desire to take my lo-_Bella's_ blood. _Don't slip up!_

I followed my minds advice. I wouldn't slip up again. I would make sure my family understood that. But most of all, Jasper. Jasper hadn't slipped up. I had. And so really, my decision was in no way his fault. It was mine, and this was the price I had to pay. So be it.

"Everyone, take a seat on one of the rocks. It's time we all had a talk."

No one said anything. Not even Alice, although I could tell she was uncertain and nervous. But even she didn't know how this was going to turn out because so many things were uncertain. I could clearly read it in her mind.

And without having the powers of my empathic brother, I could still tell what each person was feeling. It ranged from emotions such as boredom to curiosity to nervousness. And it was odd for Alice to be so nervous. It showed by how unnaturally still she was. But than again, she partly knew what was coming. And I already knew that she wouldn't be pleased with the direction it was going in. I didn't blame her for being anxious.

I watched each of their faces as they waited for me to begin. And for a moment, I felt like our coven leader. I took a split second to reflect on my assumed leadership position for the moment. I was curious, was this how Carlisle felt? Being the leader? The one in power? Sitting here on the top rock, in Carlisle's spot, I realized what a big responsibility I was assuming to take the position of. I only hoped I could live up to my families expectations.

_Now, how to approach this subject…_

"Last year, Bella was attacked by a group of three vampires. Laurant, Victoria, and James. One of them very nearly turned her into a vampire himself. And therefore, in the process, made me have to suck the venom out, which almost killed Bella. Also, she had to deal with a broken leg after the attack and she had to have several blood transfusions because losing so much nearly killed her. This leads us to a very important issue, Bella's safety. I can't control myself. Jasper can't control himself. Bella is in danger from us and other vampires alike. Even none of you could control yourselves around her. I watched as you all tried to leave as discretely as possible. So admit it, Bella is not safe with us."

I found it odd that my voice was so even. I found it more odd that recognition mixed with fear lived in my family members eyes. Alice was the first to speak.

"But Edward, she _would _be safe if she was changed!"

But I didn't want her to be changed. So I decided to play the Rosalie card.

"Please hear me out. I know there are those of you who wish for her to join us. But really? Think about it. We'd only be taking Bella's human life away from her. She needs a chance to be human. So let's give her that chance. Let's give her the opportunity to be a human."

Rosalie actually smiled. "Ok. So when do you suggest we leave?"

I was almost angered at Rosalie's reaction. _Don't slip up._ But than I remember that she'd never liked Bella much anyway and that to her, Bella was just another insignificant human. And now she was finally getting away from her. So I tried not to blame her for her reaction. Plus, she wanted for all humans to be able to live a normal life. It was for her sake that we usually avoided humans. That was why she had been so angry with me. But I had a feeling me and Rosalie would be comrades now.

"We can all leave as soon as possible. Tomorrow even."

Jasper sighed sorrowfully. "Edward, are you sure this isn't just about me? I'm very sorry for what I did to Bella. You know that. But Edward, I think about are going a bit extreme."

His mate, of course, jumped in to back him up.

"I think so too! And Edward, just where do you think you would go? What do you think would happen to our family? We would either be forced to Alaska or forced to live only at night. And even than, it would be impossible for us all to live together. Think about it. If we all only came out at night as and lived together, they would think of us as a coven. And not a vampire coven, but a witches coven! I don't exactly want to die Edward."

"I know Alice. But think about it. You and Jasper could go to Texas. Rosalie and Emmett could finally get that vacation they wanted. Esme, you and Carlisle could renovate homes and he could still work as a doctor anywhere."

Esme's eyes held an extreme sorrow that I couldn't place and she looked at the psychic. "Alice, do you see this happening?"

Alice closed her eyes for a minute and than opened them, nodding her head in confirmation it would be so. But even she disagreed with my decision. Being a leader of this family was harder than I'd anticipated.

"Edward, Bella loves you and doing this to her would hurt her terribly. You can't!"

I wish Alice would stop crying. It annoyed me. "For the sake of protecting her, yes I can. And there's no need to worry. She will move on. She will forget. Just as all humans do eventually. And it will be beautiful because she will forget about us in the midst of her children, her grandchildren. She will live a normal happy healthy life. And isn't that exactly what we want for her?"

"Edward, we can't do this to her!" Alice would have been crying if it were possible. And I flinched for the first time that night at what I saw in her mind. Pain beyond pain. A zombie like state. My Bella was a zombie.

I saw Bella never moving on. But I knew as well as anyone that Alice's visions were subjective. And I forced myself to realize that she was only showing me these things to persuade myself to stay with Bella. But I couldn't accept that! At all. My mind was officially made up. And Alice knew it. The future wasn't changing. And I was no longer Bella's mate.

Alice had a vision of me living in Romania. I'd always liked Romania. But Alice was livid. Should I live in france instead?

"I don't care where you live! Just like you don't care! Because we aren't getting any say in this. I can see that now '_brother'_."

"I have never asked anything from anyone in this family. I have never asked a favor until now. You ALL owe me. Especially you Alice. Think of all that I have done for you."

"But think of all that I have done for your Bella."

"She is no longer my Bella. She is just Isabella Swan. Just a name."

Alice looked like she was going to sob on me and than kill me. Or maybe I'd gotten the order wrong?

She nodded her head in defeat.

Esme looked like she was going to cry. "So we are all just going to pack up and leave Bella?"

"Yes."

"And we are all going to different places. I'm renovating, Carlisle's working, Alice and Jasper are in Texas, and Emmett and Rosalie are somewhere fixing cars. I'm just not sure I can do this. I can't be away from my family."

"Don't worry mom, we'll come to visit. We promise."

"But I would lose my precious Edward forever."

"I'm sorry mom. But this is something we have to do. There is no other option."

"I did not choose this life to have my own family break apart to pieces before my eyes! I will not stand for it! You are all my children and my family. And I refuse to let any of you walk away. We have never truly separated before and we won't separate now!"

I shook my head sorrowfully. "I'm sorry Esme."

"Than you have damned me to hell Edward! If I can't have a family here, than I want my REAL son back!"

With lightning fast speed, she took her lighter out of her ankle high boot, flicked it on, and set herself on fire faster than any of us could react. And far off in the distance, I heard the screams of my father as he shrieked for Esme. And on her final dying breathe, I heard it.

_"Make her happy Carlisle."_

And Esme was only a pile of smoking ash.

My family froze for a moment, utterly shocked. And than Carlisle, the strongest man who had ever lived, was brought down to his knees in a wail as Alice began to shriek. There wasn't one person that wasn't crying. Esme, our beautiful loving Esme, our mother, was gone. And even I, as lost as I was, as hard and cold as I was, fell to me knees, shaking. I'd just killed my mother. But her sacrifice wasn't for nothing. We would continue on as planned. And that made me cry harder.

**A/N Yes, I know it's a sad chapter. But if you keep reading, I PROMISE you things will get better! You just have to wait and see! If I can get four reviews, I will post the next story. But as all good things must come to an end, so must Edwards POV. This next one will be in Bella's and maybe I'll add Carlisle in there! ;) Oo goody goody! Remember four reviews to get chapter three from me! :)**


	3. The End of it All

**Whenever I write a story, I do my best to make it come to life. I got a few pointers on how to not to mix my story with excerpts from the book. So, this is for you. I hope you will like this chapter better.**** This is the rewrite of Chapter Three and Four written by me. Now of course, I didn't change the dialouge. But I _did_ make it flow smoother I hope. So enjoy and review! :)**

**EPOV**

My world was wrapped in dark and for the first time since waking up as a vampire, my eyes were blind. I couldn't see. I couldn't feel. I had no purpose. I was numb. And Esme…Esme was gone.

This absence of feeling within my being was strange and foreign to me. I couldn't quite place my finger on why. But it seemed as though I'd become a shell. A shell that harbored no soul. Maybe that was the reason I wasn't crying?

I looked around the forest and the weeping faces of each person around me. Interweaving wails of agony sang into the forest of the night like a call of the wild, a call of the wolf. And they were primal. It seemed I was the only one who was able to think clearly.

With Esme gone, I was less than a ghost. Less than a vampire, even. With Esme gone, I was less than a man. I felt lost without her, as though my whole world had ended. She had always given me direction with Bella. Contrary to popular opinion, I always listened to Esme. And what she told me, I did. I always did. I couldn't remember a single time I had disobeyed her. I just, couldn't. She was the world to me. And now it seemed, my world was shattered.

The loss of Bella was nothing to me against the loss of Esme. And with a righteous burst of anger, I ran. At first, I didn't know where exactly I was running _to_. But nevertheless, I ran.

Oddly enough, my feet carried me towards Bella's house. And at that moment, I made a descision. I was suddenly getting a beeping on my cell phone. And I knew it would be Alice. I knew she had seen what I was deciding. I knew she would warn me against it. But I was here now. And there was nothing anyone could do. It was time.

And so I waited in the foreset for only a breathe, my sensitive eyesight picking up a silent Bella working on the dishes on the kitches. And I heard the slight noise of the TV as Charlie watched the screen.

In that moment, I hated Bella. Bella was nothing like Esme. Her hair was lank. Dead. While Esme's hair flowed around her heart shaped face. Bella's eyes a plane muddy brown while Esme's turned to the deepest gold imaginable. Bella only thought about herself, while Esme thought about everyone. The differences between the two were astonishing.

But the biggest differences that I could see, was that Bella was not Esme. And so I had no interest anymore.

And within seconds, I found how she disgusted me. Her perfectionist habits. How she always repeated things in an endless cycle. How nothing ever seemed to _end_ around her! I hated Bella because she was nothing like Esme. My Esme.

It was odd. Her face really did look so innocent as she stood there, thinking. But I knew the truth. There was an unspeakable evil hidden behind that innocent mask, waiting for her next victim. But she would never get another chance. Because I would destroy her, for destroying Esme.

**BPOV**

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Rinse. Stack. Grab.

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Rinse. Stack. Grab.

Swish and swash, swish and swash, swish and swash. Plop. Clang, Click.

I grabbed dish after dish, trying to quiet my hectic mind. I thought that maybe if I worked hard enough, my brain would stop thinking. If only I could put myself in the moment. But my thoughts continued to race, one after the other, each with their own paticular sting.

Usually, my mind was not this hectic. Me and my father would eat supper, and than he would part ways. Him to his favorite recliner and sport. Me to the sterling sink. I would wash the dishes. He would watch commercials. It was a comfortable companionship, what me and my father shared. So different from a relationship I'd had with my mother. Or Angela. Or Alice. But Especially Edward. And that was the cause of my hectic mind.

Normally, Edward would never stay away from me. He would hunt while I ate supper with my father. Or he would rush up to my bedroom and listen (which embaresssed me to no end). But I didn't mind! Of course I didn't! Because at least Edward was _there._

After dinner,I would have what Carlisle had coined as my "human moment" (we'd been using the word ever since). Than I would go into my bedroom and cuddle with my Edward until I feel asleep.

But tonight was different.

I hadn't seen much of Edward since the night of the party. And when I had seen him, he showed no interest in me whatsoever. It almost seemed as though he had to force himself to be around me. And though it broke my heart, it didn't break my mind. For some reason, I knew what was coming. It wouldn't make it hurt any less. But I was prepared. I was strong.

One thing about Edward is that he always underestimated me. That was why he was always a second or a centimeter to late. It was why he decided to always stay with me. That way, he could always be there so he wouldn't be "too late". However, I was smarter than Edward originally thought I was and much more than he gave me credit for.

I didn't know everything. All I knew was that what me and Edward shared, came to an end the moment James bit me. Our relationship changed. He wasn't distant. But something had left his eyes. And I knew I no longer interested him.

So I didn't hold on and I decided I would let go when the time came. I had no idea when that time would be, but I almost wished I could ask Esme to let it end. I knew she was the one keeping me and Edward together. But really, it was making Alice tense. It was making Rosalie angry. Jasper hardly ever talked about it. And I knew that on some level, Carlisle disapproved.

I just couldn't get over the fact that they were all so disapproving of me, when at first, they had seemed so close.

But this gave me the clue I needed. The clue about Edward's distance.

And that clue was based upon a feeling that he wasn't just still angry or upset with whatever had happened with my birthday party. This was something else entirely. And I wished it were nighttime. I wished I could make a wish upon a shooting star. And I hoped upon vain hope that were true.

Because if it were, I could wish upon that star for things to go back to the way they were. A time where Edward's love, made his family happy. A time where Edward's name, would be the safest haven I could possibly ever have.

It's really too bad that doing the dishes only kept the hands busy. I sighed.

**EPOV**

I watched from a distance as her hands worked methodically with the dishes. I could see she had only a few more left to do. So I decided to interrupt her than. She would have something to distract her when I was gone. She wouldn't have to face the pain, which in turn would only make the pain worse. I smiled. The ultimate revenge.

As soon as I thought about it, I was at her open window. As silent as a tomb. I quickly registered she was thinking about something. Though I couldn't make myself care for what. Even her silent mind, which normally intruiged me, held nothing. Nothing kept me here. And now that Esme was gone, I was relieved of the burden of Bella. I almost smiled.

"Come take a walk with me."

**BPOV**

"Gah!"

I dropped the dish and water splattered everywhere, while heat rushed to my face, coloring me a deep red.

_Well, that was embarrassing._

But there was no warmth in Edwards eyes at my slip up. At the reminder that I was human. In fact, all I could see in his eyes was annoyance. He looked at me like he no longer cared, like I was a bug. A bug that could be squashed so easily.

"Edward, you scared me."

And he _had_ scared me even more with the perversion my favorite crooked smile. It didn't reach his eyes.

"Yes, I have the tendency to do that from time to time. Now come for a walk with me."

There was no expression on his normally glorious expressional face. There was nothing at all. His words were crisp, clear, and biting. I I flinched away from him automatically.

I'd heard all of Edward's tones before. And I knew this one. I had no choice but to come with him. Once again, he was making a descision for me. And before he could say it…_No! Don't think like that Bella!_

And after that, I froze. I felt shocked for a moment. Than wary. It was beginning to rain outside and the last thing I wanted was to be sopping wet. Why would he want to take me out into the woods when it rained? He knew I would be likely to catch a cold. Especially with his temperature. Forever frozen at 32 degrees below zero.

This wasn't something Edward usually did. But, nevertheless, I relented.

"Ok, let me grab my coat."

Once I'd donned the warm comforting material, we went outside.

Edwards strong cold hand lightly pulled me to the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. And I began to panic._ This is bad, this is very bad._

**EPOV**

I could tell Bella was following me unwillingly, and that she was panicking. She didn't want to come with me. She didn't want to follow me. Her heart was beating a mile a second and her pulse skyrocketed through the roof.

But that only set to further steel my resolve. She was afraid of me. Good. She needed to be. It was normal.

We didn't go far into the foreset. Only a few steps into the trees. In fact, we were barely on the trail at all. And I could still see the house, which meant that Bella would be able to find her way back.

I took a defensive, callous, cold, uncaring position, leaning against a tree with an unreadable expression.

All breath was held for an impregnable silence when Bella stopped fidgeting and looked me in the eye.

"Ok, let's talk."

I took a deep breath and began.

"Bella, we're leaving."

She took a deep breath as well, but only for the purpose of calming herself down. I didn't really need one.

"Why now? Another year—"

I cut her off rudely.

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

I could tell she was slightly confused and I stared back coldly, not speaking. Bella looked like she was going to be sick when she finally realized what I had said.

"When you say _we_ —," I whispered.

"I mean my family and myself." Each word was separate and distinct. I felt slightly guilty for treating Bella less than intelligent. But honestly? Who cared? All those times she had spoken to me the truth, I hadn't listened. But now, I was. She was right. This was no longer 1917.

I watched as she shook her head back and forth, dazed. And she swallowed the lump in her throat before she spoke.

"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."

I almost rolled me eyes. _Please don't. _"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you." Ain't that the truth? I almost smiled.

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella." I was getting annoyed.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life."

Oh I am, am I? And what about your precious Carlisle? My words were as grim as my heart.

"My world is not for you." And neither is anyone in it. You do not deserve me. You more than do not deserve Carlisle. You killed Esme.

"What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," I agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

Stupid, ignorant, bratty, weak, clutzy-

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—"

Did I mention childish? Had she _really_ gone as far as to _complain?_

"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted to correct her. My annoyance was fading to anger quickly. This was taking too long.

"_No_ ! This is about my soul, isn't it?" Her words were half furious and half pleading. This was just sad. I should never have gotten involved. She was so dependent. In fact, I was not the drug user. I realized that now. Bella was. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you—it's yours already!"

I took a deep breath and stared unseeingly for a moment at the ground, taking advantage of my turn to collect myself. She wasn't getting the message. I didn't want to have to do this did I? There were many parts of me that really did. Better not delay the inevitable.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

She gasped. "You…don't…want me?"

"No."

Bella had a hard time understanding what I was trying to tell her. I could tell. She searched my eyes for something that wasn't there. Something I couldn't give. And spoke in a dead voice.

"Well, that changes things."

I was surprised by how calm and reasonable she sounded. Was she numb? Or was it because of her great love for Carlisle?

I couldn't look at her again as I spoke. "Of course, I'll always love you…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…_tired_ of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

Her tiny voice whispered, lost. She was finally getting the message. "Don't. Don't do this."

I hammered the nail into the proverbial coffin, turning the tables on Bella.

"You're not good for me, Bella." She really wasn't.

She forced out the words.

"If… that's what you want."

I smiled and nodded once.

She didn't move for a while. And I finally realized that she couldn't. She was numb.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much."

"Anything." Her voice was faintly stronger. But only just. I had just broken up with her and she still wanted to give me whatever I wanted? Now that was the epitome meaning of the word sad.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded, acknowledging that she understood.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself for him."

I nodded again. "I will," she whispered.

I nodded my head, pleased.

"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

Her knees shook and I found myself fascinated. Was she getting dizzy? Aw, how cute. I smiled gently.

"Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she asked. I doubted they would bother me much, if at all.

"Well, "I hesitated for a short second, trying to think of how I should explain without being too cruel. "I won't forget. But _my_ kind… we're very easily distracted." I smiled deeply.

I took a step away from her. "Well, that's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

She caught my plural use of the world. I was surprised she noticed it at all.

"Alice isn't coming back?" Her words held no volume. Thankfully, I was a good lip reader.

I shook my head slowly, watching her face.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" Her voice was blank with disbelief. What, was she in love with Alice too?

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

She looked rather dizzy and it seemed as though it took as the strength in her body to concentrate. I knew I would have to leave soon. I was beyond annoyed and angry now and it was taking everything within me not to kill the poor, sick, dependent mother killer in front of me.

So instead of concentrating on how much I wanted to kill Bella, I concentrated on the last time I heard the words "clean break".

I heard the doctor at the hospital in Phoenix, last spring, as he showed me and Bella the X-rays. _You can see it's a clean break_ , his finger traced along the picture of her severed bone. _That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly_ . And this "wound" I had given her would heal just as easily, just as quickly. There was nothing more to say.

"Why are you doing this? Is it my soul? Or is it Jasper?"

"No. Neither."

"Tell me the truth Edward. Don't you think I at least deserve that much?"

I sighed. Yes, she did. I wasn't sure what it would do to her. But I decided that if I knew Bella, this would kill her till the day she died. And hopefully, it would rob her of her life.

"It's Esme. You killed Esme, Bella. She is gone. Forever. And it will always be your burden to bare. I can't be with you anymore now that she's not here."

Bella looked shell shocked at me like she couldn't make sense of the words I had just uttered. If there was any time to leave, it was now.

"Goodbye, Bella." The most calming quiet and peaceful words I had ever spoken. And than I was free.

"Wait!"

But I was already gone.

**A/N Ok guys. That was the rewrite of Chapter Three. Here is the rewrite of Chapter four.**


	4. The Final Mistake of Edward Cullen

**This is the rewritten and more flowing version of chapter four. I'm out of surgery now. I'm in a little bit of pain. So I'm kinda distracted. But I hope it's at least ok. R&R please!**

**EPOV**

"Why aren't we all packed for Alaska? I thought we were leaving?" I'd just walked through the front door when I stared in shock at a family that wasn't packed for Alaska like they should be.

But I got an even greater shock when, faster than a bolt of lightning, Alice was in front of me. And instead of the love I'd always seen reflected there, all I saw now was hate. And I was confused.

Than Alice reached her hand back and slapped me as hard as she possibly could. It didn't hurt. Not really. But the move itself…it was…degrading. It made me feel lower and than. But I would not raise my hand against my baby sister Alice. Not even when the screeching began.

"How dare you!"

"I didn't even think you were capable!"

"What the fuck is wrong with you Edward?"

"Have you lost your mind?"

I was bombarded with each angry family member. All my brothers and sisters as they gathered around me. But Carlisle said nothing.

"I don't see how you could do this to Bella, Edward! What you've done is so far beyond wrong it's not even funny! I feel so happy for Bella, to tell you the truth! Because you are not Bella's true mate! You never were! And you never fooled any of us! Not me, nor Roslie, nor your brother, nor Carlisle. But especially not Bella! She already knew something wasn't right. And she caught it before you did! And now you have the bravery to blame this entire situation on _her?_ I will repeat Emmet's words! Have you lost your mind!"

Finally she stopped and stood there scowling. My brothers and sisters no longer were speaking (or yelling), their faces mixtures of shocked to smug. But all of them had a fiery anger. And it was all directed at me. My only question was, why hadn't they ripped me apart yet? And than Carlisle looked at me. And that was it.

That was all it took to make me wish for death.

"Edward, sit."

His eyes were swollen and red. He was a beaten man, half the man he used to be. And it was all Bella's fault.

"Carlisle-"

"I would not speak just yet, if I were you. The entire community will be out in that forest looking for Bella within the hour. Before we also go to join, I would like to inform you that the family has come to a descision. Edward, I'm not sure what has happened. But your vampiric nature has somehow won. You are no longer thinking with a moral compass. Nor do you wish to. I will not let you manipulate and tear apart this familiy. Pack your things. Emmet will take you where you want to go. I have taken care of everything and you are all set up for a life on your own. Goodbye Edward."

I spoke slowly, feeling confused. There were so few times where I had spoken these words. But now I spoke them with perfect clarity. "I don't understand." And I really didn't.

"Edward, the fact that this has to be explained to you not only proves that you are inhuman but it proves how sad you really are."

"Edward, you need to man up! What you did to Bella was wrong. Man, I was just gonna sit there and let you sulk. But if I had known you were leaving us to go and blame this on Bella…damnit! I would have ripped you the fuck apart!"

"Thank you Emmett. Edward, you seem to be under the misapprehension that Bella killed Esme. But she didn't Edward, you did. When you decided to split up our family, Esme decided to end her life. I know this will be hard for you to accept. But you will have to come to terms with it."

"I don't understand any of this."

"Horrible things happen when vampires deny their mates. Esme, in truth, was not mine Edward. She was yours. And mates technically don't have to be lovers. Esme just needed you to recognize that she existed. But you didn't. In fact, you denied her. She wanted to be closer, you wanted to push her farther away. Well, now she is farther away Edward. She's dead. You killed your mate by your actions."

"Why did she do it?"

"Because, all she wanted was a family. She wanted a family that would stick together and love each other for all eternity. That's why she wanted to get you with Bella. Bella made you happy, or so she thought. But I knew the real reason, somewhere deep down, was that the reason you were with Bella was to make Esme happy. I'd hoped the situation would resolve itself. And Alice saw that it would if you hadn't done this. But than again, this was a move we never expected from you Edward. But as I said before, you will need time to recover from the death of your mate. And you will be unhinged. I will not allow you to stay here with us Edward."

I scoffed. "I am your first made. Your first born. You promimsed my mother you would take care of me. You should be ashamed of kicking me out."

"You should feel ashamed that I _have_ to kick you out. Yes, you were my first born and first made. And yes, that _is_ a special bond. But it is nowhere near as special as the bond shared between mates. And now, you are threatening mine. And when it comes to Bella, I will do everything in my power to keep her protected. Which means, that if I have to make you leave this house, I will."

"So you're not ashamed?"

"I am only ashamed that I wasn't home to stop you from killing Esme. But I will not let you kill Bella."

"So you will break your promise to my mother?"

"I never broke my promise Edward. I took care of you. I gave you everything you needed. Everything you wanted. I made sure you were kept safe and protected. I taught you a great many things. I gave you everything I could give. And you took it and also took the life of your own mate, Esme."

I began to shudder. It all made sense and I couldn't make it stop. He was right. I was coming unhinged.

"No. You are wrong! Esme can't be my mate!"

"Edward, she was. She told you to stay with Bella. And I heard what you said Edward. Do you remember? The day you kissed Esme?"

No, no, no, no, no!

"You said you would do anything to make her happy. And than you kissed her Edward. You came to me with concerns about how you felt. And I would have been happy to give Esme to you. But you denied her, driving a rift between you and her. Me and her. This family and her. But you never, for one minute, pulled her away from Bella. And that was the point in which this whole family began to revolve around Bella. And Esme saw that we could make it if we had Bella. So for our family and your happiness, she wanted to give Bella to you, because she knew you couldn't live with "being in love with your own mother"."

"So why are you so angry at me?"

"Because, Bella is now placing Esme's death on her human fragile shoulders. And I am going to save her. That's right. I'm telling you no Edward. I'm not going to Alaska with you. And anyone who doesn't want to go doesn't have to. The answer is no Edward. Because it would be wrong for Bella to suffer for something that was never her fault. We won't speak on this anymore Edward. It's been decided. You were always my son. And I will mourn for the loss of the Edward I once knew. Goodbye. And maybe we will meet again someday."

"No, we won't."

And than I collected my things. I _would_ get my revenge. And Bella would pay. Even if I had to wait until she was ninty-nine. I would make her pay.


	5. A Light At the End Of the Tunnel

**A/N Ok. For those of you who haven't, you need to go back and read chapters three and four. I changed them. And I turned the CPOV and BPOV into one whole chapter. I should be posting later on today because there isn't much to do when you've just had surgery other than lay around in bed all day and write. :) But that won't be until later today. So for now, enjoy. This is Chapter Five. **

**CPOV**

After I was sure my son had left Forks, we immediately got in our cars and sped to Bella's house, where we saw Charlie and the search party getting ready to go on one more search for Bella.

I walked up to Charlie, recognizing his worry for his daughter. That was all that he had room for. And I didn't need to be a mind reader to see that all he could think about was Bella. And I found that to be a great comfort. That he loved her more than he hated Edward. He loved her so much more.

"Dr. Cullen?"

"Yes Mr. Swan. Me and my family have heard that Bella went missing. Esme has recently passed on and after losing Esme, we couldn't lose Bella as well. She has come to mean so much to our family that in the process she has _become_ family. So we want to help you look for her too, just as much as you do. All we want is to see her safe."

Charlie nodded once, not showing much reaction other than worry. "Ok. The rain has covered her tracks and washed away her scent. So the bloodhounds can't find her. But before it rained, we found two sets of tracks leading into the forest. Neither ever came out. I'm not sure but I think your boy may be lost."

"No. He came back home, saying that he was leaving Forks."

Charlie only nodded. Too concerned about Bella to care about Edward. "Ok. That's even better. Now we only have to worry about Bella."

I felt the same way.

"Ok. Than the five of you can go look for Bella. Normally, I wouldn't let such a small party go alone. But you guys are campers so I'd expect you would know your way around the woods by now."

"We do. We often go scouting actually. And hunting as well. So don't worry, we will find your daughter Charlie. I promise."

And in Charlie's eyes, I saw the same intensity that was reflected in mine. And for a moment, something else broke through his gaze other than worry.

He was shocked that I loved his daughter just as much as he did. And at that moment, a bond grew between us. One that I hoped would grow larger. I'd always liked our Sherriff. Especially because of the way he took care of Bella. Hopefully he would come to accept me as much as he loved Bella. Of course, that was if she chose me. But I didn't think on that thought any longer as my family disappeared into the woods.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes. You and Alice split up. Emmett, you and Rosalie split up. Look for Bella. Whoever stops is stopping because they found her, in which case I want you to call me immediately.

"Will do. C'mon Rose."

"We will find her Carlisle. I promise. Bella is as much my sister as she is your mate."

And than Alice and Jasper disappeared as well. And for the first time in a long time I did something that I hadn't done. I gave into my instincts as a vampire. But this was no game. This was no hunt. This was my mate I was searching for. This was my Bella. And I ran northeast with her scent on my mind.

**BPOV**

_Drip. Splat. Cold._

_Drip. Splat. Cold._

_Drip. Splat. Cold._

_Drip. Splat. Cold._

It was a repetitive monotone that made my already cold skin, wet.

The rain woke me up, though I knew hadn't fallen asleep. I didn't remember what waking up felt like. So how could I possibly fall asleep? But I was awake, wasn't I?

What did they call that space between asleep and awake? What were you when you found yourself at the place where you knew that you were there but you couldn't bring yourself to speak, to move? That it took all the energy in your body just to breathe and hang onto the numbness that kept you alive?

I didn't know. What I did know was that the rain was starting to bother me. It was cold. So I unwrapped my arms from around my legs to cover my face.

It was then that I heard the calling again. It was farther away this time, and sometimes it sounded like several voices were calling at once. I tried to breathe deeply. I remembered that I should answer, but I didn't think they would be able to hear me. Would I be able to shout loud enough?

Suddenly, there was another sound, startlingly close. A twig snapped near me. And another. And another. Closer and closer together they sounded, as though they were coming after me.

But the footsteps were purposeful, as though who or whatever it was, it was trying to make itself known. It sounded big and for a second, I'd thought it was an animal. But it wasn't. Those footsteps were too human to be an animal. Was this a stalker of some kind?

And than I realized, who cares? I could get out of his agreement this way. He was right. Death WAS easy.

I began wondering if I should feel afraid. I didn't—just numb.

The footsteps came closer together and the rain continued. I could feel the water pooling up against my cheek. I was trying to gather the strength to turn my head when I saw the light.

At first it was just a dim glow reflecting off the bushes in the distance. It grew brighter and brighter, illuminating a large space unlike the focused beam of a flashlight. The light broke through the closest brush, and I could see that it was a propane lantern, but that was all I could see—the brightness blinded me for a moment.

"Bella."

The voice was soothing, familiar, and full of recognition and love. He wasn't calling my name to search, he was acknowledging that I was found.

I stared up—impossibly high it seemed—at the white face in the dark. I knew that I'd died and found my own personal god waiting for me at the brink of death. Because this man with the beautiful blond hair and the gorgeous golden eyes had to be a god sent straight from paradise. He was so beautiful. And yet so familiar. So why couldn't I remember his name?

"Have you been hurt?"

And than, it all came back. But it hit me in a different way than I thought it would. There was no pain. He had come to take me home. And I was ready to go.

I smiled as I watched him and I thought about what he'd said. I knew the words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How could the meaning matter at this point? How could it matter, when he was here?

"Bella Swan."

Bella Swan. That was my name. I remembered. It was mine. It belonged to me. It was who I was. Who I would continue to be. Just because he was gone, did not mean I had lost my identity. I didn't even lose a part of it. In fact, I had one. With or without him. And I wanted to discover it with my guardian.

And I remember him before I remembered me. I woke up thinking of him. His voice, his name. Because I would know him anywhere.

"My name is-"

"Carlisle."

I knew there was something familiar about him. But than I winced as the pain ripped through me. The man who was supposed to have abandoned me, came to find me. Was it just so he could abandon me too? But why than would he look at me with such love? Why would he be smiling now? Was that really joy in his eyes or was it just my imagination?

He held me still while he checked me over.

"Does anything hurt?"

It's not as bad.

"Why are you here?"

"I needed to find you, Bella. We were all looking for you. I knew I would find you."

I smiled, feeling confused. But that could wait. Because he had never left me. He was right here. He would save me.

"Charlie sent me to look for you. He's looking for you as well."

Charlie? That struck a chord, and I tried to pay even more attention to what he was saying. Along with Carlisle Cullen, Charlie mattered. Two men that meant the world two me. Charlie, my dad. I loved him so much, even if I didn't show it. And Carlisle, the light in the dark. The one who would always find me when I was lost. The one who would pick me up and carry me home.

For a moment, Carlisle stared at me, his doctors gaze appraising me for a long moment, checking for anything that may be wrong. Than he picked me up into his arms and I was safe. I was home. They were cold and yet they were a warm shelter. They were made of stone, yet the stone encased me like armor, like a shield. And the light made a glow around us as my personal guardian took me home.

And I smiled. It felt right to smile at him. And his name was a blessing. A healing to the balm of a cursed pain. Carlisle Cullen.

And he was still smiling as he carried me away.

**CPOV**

As I walked towards her I was horrified. Absolutely horrified. I'd never seen such pain, such agonizing heartbreak, on a human face before. It looked like she was a zombie. It looked like she was a human vegtable laying in a hospital bed with no will. It was no way to live.

But as I spoke to her, her face began to change. And the zombie was slowly disappearing as she began to recognize me. And I realized, though scarred, Bella would be safe from what she would have become. She wouldn't be as scarred.

I smiled as I spoke to her. I didn't know how my voice had changed without my recognition. But it was warmer. Softer. And I was amazed. How?

In a quick and supple motion, I'd pulled her up from the ground and into my arms, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. I hoped that something I said would gain a reaction. But there was nothing.

She hung there, limp, as I loped swiftly through the wet forest. I didn't think about how I wished I could make Edward pay for this. I didn't think about how he was my first born and never before had I wished him harm. I didn't even think about Esme and how he had taken Esme from me.

All I could think about was Bella, the smile on her face, and how she kept chanting over and over again as though she had found her savior. _Carlisle_. And for the first time in a long time, I felt warm in my own skin. And I held her closer.

**BPOV**

Time flew by as though nothing had happened. I couldn't think of anything but the man who held me in his arms and pulled out his cell phone. What was he doing? I was curious.

"I've found my Bella. She is safe. We will all meet where we entered."

And than he hung up the phone and I was shocked by the next words out of his mouth as his cool lips nuzzled my ear.

"I will make you safe again, mi querido amor." _My darling love._

And I smiled, hanging onto him like a life raft.

There were a bunch of people hanging around my dad's car. I guessed it was the search party since they had a couple of dogs and several flashlights. But there was only one person my eyes hunted for. And I found him pouring over maps of the forest, trying to determine another route on the map.

I breathed a sigh of relief. My dad was safe.

I turned my face into Carlisle's chest and breathed in, hiding my face from the crowd. I also didn't like the lights. Although I didn't mind the bright one surrounding Carlisle. I also didn't mind the scent surrounding him either. It was like honey and syrup and mint. It smelled so good, I thought I would pass out.

"I've found Bella!"

The babble ceased, and then picked up again with more intensity. A confusing swirl of faces moved over me. Carlisle's voice was the only one that made sense in the chaos, perhaps because my ear was against his chest.

"No, I don't think she's hurt," he told someone. "But I'll have to look her over to be sure."

I bit down on my lip and blushed into his chest, snuggling closer into Carlisle's arms. And for the first time, I looked into his eyes. And in those eyes, I saw the promise of relief. Of peace. Of course he would never leave me!

And I fell asleep, comforted. I will always remember the dream I had that night. I was in a dark forest. A very dark forest under a new moon. There was nothing to be seen until Carlisle found me. And the stars glittered behind his ethereal eyes as his icy lips kissed my forehead. And in my sleep, I sighed, oblivious to the two men downstairs who were quickly sealing my fate.

**A/N I know these two chapters were short. But I can't think real well and I'm in a lot of pain. However, I'd like some reviews. So I will take only a maximum of two reviews to get you the next chapter. And this one will be much longer, I promise you. So, four reviews to get the next chapter from me. The next chapter is done and waiting to be posted. But I need a maximum of four reviews before I can post. :)**


	6. Rest, My Bella, Rest

**a/n Here you go guys! Chapter Six! I hope you enjoy it!**

I carried Bella up through the house, my mind taking in everything within a millisecond, for which I was grateful. If I were human, I would have been thinking there's too much to see and not enough time to see it. But I would get my chance I knew, soon enough. For now, I stayed grateful for what I was seeing.

Bella's house was a representative of her and Charlie. That much you could easily see. The inside was clean, modest, well kept, and in perfect condition. But it went beyond that even! It held so much life, and love. But most of all, it held so many memories of Bella. And they were imprinted on the walls for my eyes to see.

For on the walls leading up to the stairs, you could see pictures of a small child, which I assumed was Bella as she had no other siblings. And I smiled slightly.

She was shy, and timid, yet happy and joyful in her own quiet little way. It made me happy to know that to some extent, Bella had always been happy. And I was suddenly thankful to Charlie and Renee both for taking such good care of my beautiful Bella. And I found myself anxious to take care of her as well. The thought that I could make Bella happy gave me even more joy than my job as a doctor did. And that shocked me to some extent.

Charlie led me to the door that I assumed was Bella's bedroom door and turned the golden knob while pushing it open. And it occurred to me that Charlie hadn't been inside his own house for quite a few hours since Bella turned up missing. He was completely dedicated to finding his first born and only daughter.

I smiled, pleased. I was astonished to find out how much me and Charlie were alike when it came to Bella, though I knew I shouldn't have been too surprised. But still, it was worth something when it all came down to it. Because it would bring me and Charlie closer together. And I needed him to approve of me as badly as I needed Bella to be in my life.

With the creak of the door, her room was unveiled before my eyes. I made a mental note to fix that.

I admitted myself curious. I'd never been inside Bella's bedroom before. In fact, I'd never been inside Bella's house. I'd never had a reason to go there till now. And I smiled as I walked into the bedroom.

My first thought was that there was a lot of purple and I smiled slightly. Charlie had obviously picked out sheets and things for Bella's room. Along with painting the walls, which he'd done a very good job of, surprisingly.

The room was very tidy and everything seemed to be organized to within an inch of Bella's life. It was cleaner than the my home! And we were _vampires_!

I'd always noticed that she was organized in the way she performed even the simplest of tasks. And Emmett liked to tease her about by moving forks and spoons while she would eat. And Bella would delicately place down her eating utensil, finish chewing, and move the silverware back to it's precise place. I almost laughed as I remember telling Emmett not to tease her like that anymore. Although I would miss it, I thought it was rather adorable.

"You can just place Bella on the bed there."

I did as I was told but while I was placing her delicately on the bed, she groaned and the scent of blood wafted around me. I could tell she wasn't bleeding, but she was about to. I could tell that the blood was coming from inside Bella's body and I was afraid that maybe I had torn a ligament by jostling or moving her into an incorrect position.

Or at least, I was afraid until I inhaled deeper, a second time. I smiled, feeling thankful. The blood was all wrong. There was nothing living about it. This blood was dead blood.

I was immediately thankful as I determined exactly where she was about to bleed and I felt the need to repeatedly thank Alice.

I looked her over and saw that her lips, which were white in the forest, were turning blue. That worried me a great deal. Was her jacket constricting her air passage ways? Was there something else wrong? Something deeper?

"Charlie, would you mind if I checked Bella over for any injuries she might have? She was in that forest for quite some time and when I found her she wasn't moving. I would like to see if she's been hurt."

"Oh. Ok. I'll just be downstairs than, when you're done."

I nodded once. "I'll go and get my bag from the car and be back in a moment."

I walked at a human pace to the car, feeling very grateful that my daughters name and identity was Alice Cullen.

When she'd put the midol and menstral pads in my car, I was very confused. Would I need it for a patient? Would I find an alternative use for them somehow? Would I find a patient on the road who would need them? But Alice had smiled and said nothing.

And now, sure enough, Alice was right. Although this patient was more important than anyone I'd ever treated. Even the few patients I'd met who required medical care of the side of the road, they weren't Bella, so they weren't important. Or at least, those patients weren't as important as Bella.

I came back through the door and was back in Bella's room as quickly as I could get there while still looking human.

I removed her jacket to find that she was soaking wet underneath. And if I didn't change her clothing quickly, she would not only bleed into it but she would catch a severe case of bronchitis, ammonia, or hypothermia. None of the options were too appealing. And I was sure that Bella wouldn't wish to die.

But even so, I loathed having to look at her when I had not been given permission. Even though I'd reminded myself this was a purely platonic "doctor" type of action that I had taken many times before, it also was different. This was my beloved. This was Bella. Which was all the more reason that I needed to help her. Immediately.

"I am sorry Bella."

I fixed the pajamas in my hand and dressed her quickly and quietly into some new silk pajamas without looking. I knew she preferred sweats but I was hoping that the silk would replacing the feeling of chaffed skin after sleeping on the forest floor. Than I tucked her in, turned off her fan, and turned on a space heater, feeling thankful that Bella had it.

She would need much rest tonight after how far she had walked.

The only thing that I could seem to find wrong with Bella were the scrapes on her palms. So I took out some vasoline and rubbed her palms soothingly until I saw the scrapes disappear.

"Carlisle."

I sat there for a moment, completely still, thinking she had woken up. But when I saw that she hadn't, I breathed out a sigh of relief. I didn't want to worry her by checking her over if nothing was wrong.

But it seemed, after repeatedly checking her legs, palms, arms, and wrists for anything that seemed out of place, that nothing was wrong. So I decided to wake Bella up immediately.

I ran to the bathroom and back in a millisecond, carrying a cup of water and two pills in my hand. It would be about thirty minutes until it took affect and she needed to get these swallowed immediately. Otherwise, she would wake up during the night screaming. Alice had politely informed me that her menstrual cycle would be heavier this month.

"Bella," I placed my hand on her cheek gently. And her eyes softly fluttered, looking into my eyes with the brightest smile I'd ever seen.

"Carlisle."

Her voice was a blessing in and of itself.

"Bella, I need you to take these please. Don't sit up. I will slip them on your tongue. Your hands are currently covered in vasoline so they will heal from the scrapes faster."

"Who put vasoline on my hands?"

"I did."

"But than, shouldn't you have vasoline on yours?"

I smiled softly at her face of confusion. "I washed my hands."

"Oh."

I slipped the first one onto her tongue and carefully placed the cup of water to her lips, politely requesting her to take a sip. And than I placed the second one on her tongue, repeating my actions.

And when she was finished, she tried to sit up again.

"Bella, you have not eaten in a while, you have hypothermia, and if you sit up you will be extremely dizzy."

She stopped pressing against my hands but exclaimed that she needed to use the restroom after a quick look at the calendar. And I had not missed that either.

"Bella, I will not stop you from having a "human moment" if needed. But I have already taken care of that."

She gasped slightly than looked down, confused.

"Carlisle, what did you do?"

"I dressed you. I am sorry. But your clothes-"

A dawning look crossed her face. "Oh, right. They were wet. They would have made me sick." Her voice was soft when she spoke and her face showed she was concentrating. And than a distinctly uncomfortable look crossed Bella's lovely face and I knew the cramps would be starting about now.

I gently placed my hand to her stomach to massage the pain away and Bella sighed, blushing. "Thank you. Ya know Carlisle, you really don't have to do this. I mean, I appreciate it and everything. But…" She trailed off.

"I don't mind taking care of you Bella. It's no trouble whatsoever. I am sorry that I dressed you without your permission. That was wrong of me to do."

She blushed deeper than she had all night. "Oh, it's nothing like that. I was just wondering how I got into these." And than she looked up into my eyes with such a love that it made my heart ache and took my breath away, even though I did not need to breathe. And at that moment, I knew I would take Esme's advice.

_Make her happy Carlisle._

"I trust you Carlisle."

I smiled gently and kissed Bella's forehead, wrapping her reclining body in my arms as gently as I could, so as to not hurt her muscles.

"Try to get some sleep Bella."

"Ok."

And she smiled at me as I left the room and gently shut the door behind me. Rest my Bella, rest.

**A/N I wasn't originally going to write this chapter. But suddenly, it all just came pouring out! And I knew I had to include it. If you guys like it and would like me to place more smut throughout the story, let me know. :) So, I'm bumping it up. Six reviews please. :)**


	7. A Father's Love

**Thank you so much to all my reviewers! Please keep it up! :)**

I paused as I was on my way downstairs to speak with Charlie. I hadn't gotten time to appropriately look at each photo and I wanted to get a better look at the pictures of my lovely Bella before my time here was up. I started at the head of the stairs, smiling at the pictures of a cute baby and a precious toddler. In my opinion, each picture was sweeter than the last. And I liked every single one of them equally. I wasn't planning to spend as much time at the foot of the stairs because those were all Bella's pictures from high school and I had seen them all before.

But halfway down the stairs, a framed polaroid caught my attention. I looked closer at the picture and I smiled gently at the sight of her fishing with her dad and her friend, Jacob. It was a beautiful picture. The sun had been shining brightly that day and they'd caught a huge fish. Jacob, Charlie, Billy, and Bella all crowded around it smiling. And I saw a small picture lightly hanging out of the frame.

I pulled it out and saw Bella's shocked and annoyed face as she fell overboard. Jacob, of course, was laughing as all children do. However, Billy was joining him. I knew Billy wasn't heartless, but it still made me rather upset to see him sitting there laughing. I just didn't find Bella falling overboard funny. At all. Charlie's face though, was worried. Just as I was. I wanted to know what had happened. Who had treated her? Was she alright?

"That was when we all went fishing. It was the summer before Bella "finally put her foot down" as we call it. We'd caught a pretty good sized fish that day. Well, actually, I'll be honest. It was Bella that caught it. And she didn't necessarily like it. She said that we couldn't throw it back because of the pain in it's mouth and that it was better to just cook it. But she said that she didn't want to hurt another poor innocent fish again."

"And we were all laughing at Bella when this boy, Jake, started making fun of her for being "such a girl". And Bella stood up to tell him off. But she tripped and fell overboard."

"Poor Bella. Was she alright?"

Charlie looked at me for a long moment than spoke. "Yeah, she was. I was worried because I'd heard her hit her head. I dived in to rescue her and when I pulled her out, she had a slight bump to the head and she was bleeding. But the way she looked at me...she called me her "hero". I'd wondered just how hard she'd bumped her head."

I knew he was trying to play it off. He didn't feel comfortable expressing a lot of emotion. But I knew that day must have meant so much to him. Because the way she looked at him, it must have been very special. And I was happy and touched that they had a moment like that in their lives, because I knew there weren't many. But despite the fact that neither of them liked to show too much emotion, Bella constantly showed Charlie how much she loved him just as he constantly showed her through the little things they would do for each other. I smiled.

but it wasn't all that bad. And I agreed after that trip that fishing was too dangerous for her. But I knew she would be bored being here with nothing to do. So I conceded and visited her instead."

I smiled. Even than, Bella had someone to protect her. The thought brought me peace.

We walked downstairs in silence until he asked "So, did you find anything wrong with Bella?"

Other than the scrapes on her hands "She was about to catch hypothermia so I made sure she was wrapped in warm blankets and there was a heater by her bed."

He nodded gruffly and mumbled his thanks. He'd trusted that I took care of Bella and he now had something else on his mind. I was thankful for the amount of trust he had in me. And I was thinking about that when he asked his question.

"Dr. Cullen, what happened to her?"

I was shocked at how lost he looked. It was almost as if he didn't know where he was or what he was doing. Or maybe even what he was asking. He wasn't sure what he was looking for. And honestly, neither was I. "What do you mean?"

His voice got stronger. "I mean your boy. He took Bella out into the woods and…"

He got lost again. "I just don't know. But whatever he said to her…or..or-_did_ to her…it really broke her down."

I shook my head in sorrow, ready to attempt to explain.

"It was obvious to me that it was what he said to her and obviously not anything he did. I checked over Bella and there seemed to be no indication that she was mishandled in anyway."

_I would have slaughtered him myself._ I was shocked at my violent thought. And even more shocked as Charlie laughed. He must have seen it on my face.

"Well, that's reasurring."

And he blew out a deep breath. That was what he had been trying to ask. And I knew that I would have felt the same had Edward mishandled her. I tapped down the anger.

"Mr. Swan, Edward was sadly mistaken. What he did to Bella was beyond wrong. He's left Bella because when his mother died, he just couldn't look at any woman the same way again, it hurt him so deeply." I breathed in deep and continued. "Edward has left and we don't think he is coming back. But even in his pain, he should not have said to her what he did."

I had to breathe evenly for this and keep my head. There was no room for failure. Because if I failed at controlling myself...I almost shuddered. I didn't want to think about what would happen. What I was about to tell Charlie made me want to go and hunt down Edward. But I couldn't, for so many reasons. And I thought of my precious Bella trying to get over a medium hypothermic stage of shock. She was so vulnerable right now. And if I left to go hunt Edward down, Bella would think I had left her and her health would take a turn for the worst. _I would not risk Bella!_ I took a deep breath and fought for control, I fought for Bella. And she was worth fighting for.

I looked around the kitchen and inwardly smiled. In some of the pictures I'd seen, the cabinets were yellow and the curtains were yellow lace. Apparently, Bella's mother liked sunshine. But Bella had done a better job with the painting. Everything was a spotless white. And it made the whole kitchen light up. Even when it was this late at night. My clock beeped. 3:00 am.

Charlie's voice broke the pencil dropping silence as he spoke in a gruff hard voice. "He hurt her?"

I breathed in deep, in anger. "Yes. He told Bella that Esme's death…was her fault."

Charlie shot up in rage. He could tell that I was angry. But he must have thought I was taking Edward's side. And sure enough-

"Your son hurt my little girl and you let him get away scott free, didn't you? You never punished any of your children! They all got away with whatever they wanted to do because they were spoiled and rich!"

"No Charlie. I never punished my children because they never did anything wrong. And you can stand there and lambast Edward all you want. But don't you talk about my children, Charlie. I will not allow you the lambast my family."

He stood there breathing hard while I tried my best to keep calm. And Bella's name crossed my mind. She was my life vest. My safety net. She could help me keep my control without lifting a finger. All I had to do was think of her name.

Charlie breathed in deep, and sat down, embarressed but red faced.

"And what does Edward get for all this? A slap on the wrist?"

My voice was dark. I was angry. But not at Charlie. I was angry at Edward. He had caused so much heartache! Not only for Bella! But for those dogs, who I could tell were very old and didn't need to be pushed the way they did. For those people, who were tired and wanted to go home. Who deserved to go home. Not be out looking for Bella. But what made me the angriest was not any of that. It was what Edward's actions had done to Charlie.

First, he had to deal with thinking that Bella may be either missing, kidnapped, or dead. Next, he had to deal with the pressure of trying to maintain his cop composure as the head chief while trying to look for his _only_ daughter. A daughter who could be dead. And than, Bella gets back and he has to deal with her fragile state. How she could easily crack at any point. How she would hang onto me as if I were a life raft. And how he had to accept it within less than two seconds if he wanted Bella to get better. I knew there was always going to be a question there of _Did I do the right thing?_

And that was what was going to haunt him and me throughout, what I hoped would be, our entire friendship. Edward's actions had truly caused harm.

"Charlie, I have punished my son. He has not only brought hurt to Bella. But his entire spectrum of actions has damaged this whole town. That required quite a punishment. Especially when I saw no remorse in his eyes. No understanding of what he'd done. It took everything within me to hold on to the father within me. Yet, it was the father within me that was conflicted."

Charlie looked confused.

"You have to understand, I love my son very much. Yes, even after all he has done, I do. A true parent could never hate their own child. Even if the child is adopted, like Edward was. And I only wish the best for him. However, I wish the best for him somewhere else. I kicked Edward out of our family when I realized he could no longer act or operate as a family member. He was thinking only of himself. And I know that he has needed this for awhile. So I have sent him to a psychiatric ward for evaluation."

It wasn't exactly a psychiactric ward. But for a vampire, it was as close to as one could get. I sent Edward with Carmen and Eleazar because I knew if _anyone_ could heal Edward's torn up soul, they could. They were the only ones who could ever heal him. But even if the couldn't and they had to set Edward free, I knew that at least Edward had spent some of his life living in at least moments of stolen joy. And that was enough to put me at peace. Someone like Edward would have another chance. I knew it. There had to be.

Charlie was now beyond shocked and just stared at me, as though that was all he could do. His tone was quiet when he spoke.

"You kicked out your own son…for my daughter?"

"Not just for your daughter. For our whole family. But you are correct. It was mostly for Bella. Because when one Cullen suffers, all Cullens suffer. And whether Bella is with Edward or not, we will always consider her a Cullen. And I promise you this Charlie, I will do everything in my power to help Bella get better. I will make sure she recovers."

Charlie looked at me, and deep in his eyes, I saw something. Some deep indefinable emotion that was threatening to bubble up to the surface as he stared at me. And he looked at me for a long moment before speaking, as though sizing me up. It looked as if he were trying to remember several things at once. And than it looked as if it had all clicked.

"You love my little girl." It was as though he'd been struck by the realization. And strangely enough, his tone wasn't angry. It was filled with a certain...joy. A father coming to realize his daughter was a woman and that a man truly loved her. But...he couldn't possibly...I shouldn't allow myself to hope.

So instead, I nodded. Doing my best to throw him off the scent. And I suddenly knew that this was what made him a good cop. "We all love Bella. We'd give our lives for hers in an instant."

Apparently, Charlie wasn't fooled. He seemed to be thinking long and hard as he stared at me. And than finally, he conceded.

"I hate handing my daughter off to another Cullen. Especially after what has just happened. But the rest of your family…they've always been different than Edward. They always seemed so much more…human…around my girl. A lot more human than your son."

He let out a breathe and continued.

"Edward wasn't, isn't, and never will be good for Bella. But I saw the way my daughter looked at you tonight. And this wasn't some petty teenage infatuation with an older man. This wasn't some denial of Edward thinking another Cullen could take his place. I saw it in her eyes. The way she looked at you tonight, was the same way she looked at me when I pulled her out of the water. Dr. Cullen, I think you can save her. And I want you to save her."

I was floored for a moment. And I said the first words that came to my mind.

"I'm not sure I understand."

"Bella loves your family. But she loves you even more. I don't pretend to completely understand or completely like it. But even when she was lost, even when things seemed so wrong, she held on because you held her. She could fall to pieces, and you would be her rock."

I didn't say anything. I was too shocked by what he was saying.

"I know that you can heal her. And you are one of the few men who can constantly understand her, and watch out for her. You have lots of degrees in the medicine field to help you with that. I've heard the town gossip about it. Also, Bella is OCD. She was diagnosed with it as a child. She has to have everything neat and orderly. And as a doctor, you are bound to be that way to a certain extent as well. Plus, you and Bella both are very caring people who would give your lives for the ones you loved. You are my daughters match. And not in the negative way that Edward was. You are a positive influence. And I trust you to take care of my baby girl."

I was still confused about what he was saying. And I didn't want to say it. Especially if that was not what he meant.

"Of course, Dr. Cullen, if you don't feel the same way about my daughter, there is nothing we can do. But, don't tell her just yet. Use it to heal her."

"You are saying you think Bella is in love with me?"

"Uh huh."

"And you are thinking that I may love her back in the same way?" My voice was guarded but he was undeterred.

"Yup."

"And, please correct me if I'm wrong, but you are giving your permission for...me and Bella...to...?" I couldn't finish my sentence.

"Yeah, but if you hurt her, you'll be looking down the barrel of my gun. But you don't seem like the type to hurt anybody or anything. Besides, you're a doctor."

I looked up into his eyes in shock but in gratitude. "You have my word that I will honor and cherish Bella until the day she passes on from this world. And I understand how much it is costing you to do this. And I thank for it. If given the chance, I will be able to help Bella have a full recovery. And hopefully it will be soon."

He nodded his head a little uncomfortably.

But Charlie, if you hear nothing else I say tonight, please listen to this. I understand the way you feel about Bella. What we feel for her is the same. It's different, but it's the same. I understand how you feel. And just as you wouldn't, I wouldn't hurt Bella. There is nothing that could make me. I love her as much as you do."

"I know. And that's the only reason I could give her over."

We paused for a moment and than he began again.

"I've heard you have a lot of medical degrees. Is it true that you have an extensive PhD in all types of psychiatry?"

"Yes. I figured that whever I went, I would always want a job as a doctor that could help people. In some way, I wanted to help others. So I have a medical degree in everything. I learned all there was to know extensively when I went to college. And I constantly refresh myself on the new age practices and new things that come up."

"You really are dedicated to your job than."

"I love helping people."

"Yeah, most doctors do. Ya know, you have my daughters heart. But the fact that you have Bella's trust is pretty amazing to me. She doesn't give it out easily. And that could work in your favor. She trusts you more than she ever trusted Edward. And we both think that you are good for her. I'll hand her over. But I also think that this trust could aid you in your attempt to help Bella mentally."

"Oh, I have no doubt it will. I just want her to get better."

He cringed. "I can't believe I'm going to suggest this. But if you don't mind, you can have Bella come and stay with you. Just for a short while. I wouldn't suggest it otherwise but I feel as though I have to. Because the first thing you will need to do for her is prove to her that you aren't leaving. And that will take some convincing."

And sure enough, I heard shrieking from Bella's bedroom and it sounded very much like my name.

**A/N Is it her period? Did the pills not take affect? Or is she having a nightmare? Will Carlisle be able to soothe her? Or maybe...could Bella be being attacked? I'll need six reviews in order to be able to tell you! And here is a treat! The next chapter is all in Bella's POV! And I can tell you this for sure because it's already written! Now, I know you expected me to make Carlisle a little bit angrier with Edward. But guys, he's a father. And when you have children of your own, you will understand. You could never completely hate your own child. Plus, in the books, it talked about his caringness and compassion. But of course, he still has a vampire nature. Even though he is more human than anyone else. So I have tried to play off both sides of that. Tell me what you think!**


	8. Realization

**A/N Thank you so much to all those who reviewed! I'm so glad that you like my story! And guess what? It's not even NEAR over yet! There is much more to come! I've always been a fan of drama in my stories (STRICTLY IN MY STORIES!) And I absolutely LOVE twists and turns! So you can expect a thrill ride! This story is also going in a completely different direction than what you expect! So keep up the reviews and send me more of your love! And I will do my best to keep every single one of you happy! Here is chapter eight. And it's all from Bella's point of view. Just as I promised! And it's also a bit longer than other chapters. Please enjoy!**

I felt a strange floating sensation as Carlisle ran with me on his back. The movements were sure, fluid. And I wasn't worried about hitting trees for two reasons.

Reason One: I trusted Carlisle. Unlike Edward, Carlisle seemed stable. And his aura of sureness always set me at ease. He could relax me better than anyone I knew. My own father included in that already short list. So no matter what Carlisle did, it was comfortable for me.

Reason Two: I was almost positively sure this was a dream.

He ran with me through the hills as the sun glittered on his diamond hard cold skin. And I smiled. This was paradise. True paradise.

I felt the change of direction as the wind from caressed my face foreward to back. So I knew we were going uphill. But where was Carlisle taking me?

Suddenly, we were in a field of flowers colored the most beautiful shade of violet I had ever seen. And everywhere around me was the scent of lavendar.

Carlisle placed me lovingly on the grass, which was surprisingly comfortable and green. Almost springy. The only problem was that it was very wet and a little cold.

He frowned and disappeared for a moment as I wondered where he was going. And suddenly, my breathing escalated as his cold hands caressed my already cold body.

My heart pounded. My legs straightened. Chills ran up and down my arms lightly and I felt a slight tightening…

"I am sorry Bella."

_Why in the world was he apologizing? This felt so_ good_!_

I blushed and hoped that he would kiss me. That would be the only thing that would make this dream better. Suddenly, I was in the most beautiful cream silk dress that I had ever seen and I sighed gently.

I felt warmer as the sun shined down on my skin and I sighed. My hands, which felt slightly chaffed, were being massaged by Carlisle's silky smooth cold digits.

I'd never realized my hands were erogenous zones before now and I would have moaned if it weren't for the fact that there was a lump stuck in my throat. I wanted more. I wanted him to touch me more. But he annoyingly kept his hands on mine and continued to rub in soothing hypnotically slow circles. Why couldn't I have more?

I wanted to beg him. I wanted to plead. I wanted to talk it out with him and negotiate but all I could do was sigh out in pleasure.

_"Carlisle."_ My voice was utterly breathless. Like the beating of a butterflies wings. It was barely heard. But his sensitive vampiric hearing picked it up. And he smiled gently at me and kept going.

I was getting so caught up and lost in his movements that I didn't notice he was moving to hover over me until he was finally there. And than he spoke in that soft soothing accent that set my body on fire.

"Bella."

His voice was so beautiful. Like the silk that rubbed against my skin.

"Bella."

It moved over me like the honey like fragrance that was his scent. And I wanted to moan. Badly. I wanted to arch my hips up as his hands gently explored every inch of my body. But I couldn't move. I was at Carlisle's complete control. And I was submitting to him. I was happy to be moved by him. But it was the lack of moving that was making me beg. I had no idea he liked this type of game.

"Bella, it's time to wake up."

What odd words to say. Wake up?

And than it hit me. It was just a dream. But I desperately wanted to cling to my non reality as his hands rubbed at my neck. And this time, I did moan. But it was meek. And I was weak.

Wait, weak? For someone fragile, I'd always been relatively strong. Why was I suddenly feeling weak?

I was disappointed when my eyes opened and I was in my bedroom. That would explain the lavendar scent. I'd picked that airwick scent because I thought it went with the purple theme.

But now that I was awake, I could think about why I was feeling so weak. I'd completely forgotten that Carlisle was there.

"Bella," he placed his hand on my cheek softly and I woke up more, looking deeply into his gorgeous golden eyes. He was so beautiful. So, _so_ beautiful. And he seemed so positive! So happy! So…_light!_ It was a big difference from the heavy passion that Edward seemed to carry with him. And I found it _very_ refreshing.

"Carlisle."

I beamed. It felt odd, like the huge smile would split my mouth in half. I almost rolled my eyes. But instead, I kept on smiling. I was so happy he was here! Even if I was rather tired. All I could hope was that he wouldn't leave me! He just couldn't!

"Bella, I need you to take these please. Don't sit up. I will slip them on your tongue. Your hands are currently covered in vasoline so they will heal from the scrapes faster."

Vasoline? Scrapes? Maybe my dream wasn't as imagined as I thought.

"Who put vasoline on my hands?"

He smiled lightly. "I did."

"But than, shouldn't you have vasoline on yours?"

His smiled widened just a bit, becoming a bit more pronounced. "I washed my hands."

"Oh." That explained it.

His cold finger slipped the first one onto my tongue and I didn't taste the pill. All I could taste was Carlisle.

His scent was as good as his taste. He was so sweet! He really was like honey! And I wanted more. Even though too many pills had a bad affect on me, I almost wished for another one.

And sure enough, he slipped the second one onto my tongue where I got to taste him again. I licked him slightly and blushed as I thought about closing my mouth around his finger. Taking it into my mouth, and hollowing my cheeks around as I swirled my tongue around the tip and-_Snap out of it Bella!_

What in the world was wrong with me? I didn't usually _feel_ like this, much less _act_ like this! I'd always resolved not to be one of those "hormonal teenagers". And I really wasn't! Of course, to the complete consternation of the boys at my school. Disgusting.

_At least Carlisle was a man. A sexy, beautiful-_**Bella!** I was astonished at myself for having such thoughts. And than I immediately felt guilty.

Carlisle was only taking care of me because Esme died. And now that she was gone, he had no one to take care of. He knew that I needed to be checked over after Edward left me in the woods. So that's what he did. He was taking care of me.

He also looked at me only as his daughter. Another reason I shouldn't be feeling this way. Plus, Edward had only left me a collection of hours ago. Than suddenly, Carlisle shows up and everything is ok now?

No. That sounded wrong. I wouldn't be the small town girl who whored herself around on a family. I'd seen that on too many lifetime shows. And I wouldn't be "one of _those_ girls".

I had to get control of myself. Immediately. There was no reason for me to be thinking like this. Acting like this. _Get a grip Bella Swan!_

Maybe it was just that still I needed to get my bearings. After all, I _had_ just woken up. Stupid sleep. I started to try to make myself wake up and fast. Before I did something _really_ stupid.

I tried to sit up again but got dizzier the more I tried to sit up against Carlisle's hand. I tried not to think about the fact that it was on my chest. That was easier said than done. But the fact that I was dizzy was just enough to take my mind off of it. What was wrong with me?

My thoughts must have been obvious on my face because Carlisle immediately answered.

"Bella, you have not eaten in a while, you have hypothermia, and if you try sit up now, you will be extremely dizzy."

I stopped pressing against his hands on my chest and instead tried to focus on regulating my breathing. Why did it have to feel so good? _Stop Bella._

I looked at the clock and was shocked when I read 2:30. It was dark outside so it must be in the am! It was already the next day. I looked back at my clock but was shocked when I saw my calendar beyond it, marked with a big red "X".

That explained why I was acting this way! I would be starting today! But at least it explained the way I was thinking and acting! That was a relief. Whenever I was with Edward-

And I stopped that thought right there as pain slashed through me. But I ignored it. I didn't like focusing on things that caused me pain. I didn't like focusing on things I couldn't fix. I liked to focus on things that I could fix, things that could go from bad to ok. So I focused on that. I hadn't eaten and I hadn't had my human moment.

So I would need one to take care of me right now. I would also need some food, even if it were just a health bar. I needed something to coat my stomach as it was extremely sensitive to pills.

I than felt something slightly wet between my legs and squirmed uncomfortably. Great! Now I would have to get some new pajamas and clean the red stain on the bed with bleach while trying not to breathe or get sick. And I hadn't eaten anything which I knew would make this worse, not to mention it would make me weak and dizzy! I hadn't even brushed my teeth! And my hair wasn't brushed and it needed to be washed! Why oh why couldn't I have gotten up and walked home sooner?

The only good thing about this moment was that luckily, I was under the bed, so I couldn't smell the disgusting smell of rust in the air. And I would be embarrassed if I got up now! I knew my pajamas would be stained. But at least I couldn't smell it! I would have sighed. But than I realized,

_But Carlisle could!_

I didn't think about the stain. Or about the fact that I'd run out of pads and midol and that I wouldn't be able to go to the store until tomorrow.

Instead, I was focusing on how I was extremely embarrassed as I exclaimed that I needed to use the restroom. But apparently, I'd looked at the calendar a bit too long while I'd internally panicked. And Carlisle had not missed that. Either that, or Alice had said something.

"Bella, I will not stop you from having a "human moment" if needed. But I have already taken care of that."

I gasped lightly, feeling shocked at the words I'd heard come from his mouth.

_"Taken care of that."_

What did that mean? What was he talking about? I preferred pads. I didn't like tampons. Oh no! Had he…I was too embarrassed to think farther when I looked down blushing. And I immediately became confused. Silk?

I knew Carlisle would never hurt me. He would never take advantage of me. He was a _doctor_ for pete's sakes! He probably saw girls naked all the time!

I was surprised when that thought caused a strong jealousy to rise up within me. And I froze. What exactly was going on here?

"Carlisle, what did you do?" But I felt bad when my tone came out more accusing than I would have liked.

"I dressed you. I am sorry. But your clothes-"

A dawning look crossed her face. "Oh, right. They were wet. They would have made me sick." I didn't exactly feel like catching a cold. Or dying really. I was actually kind of thankful when I thought about it. He stopped me from getting sick. I smiled slightly and was about to embarresedly thank Carlisle when the insides of my stomach contracted on me.

_Ow! _It was worse than usual. It must be heavier this month! No wonder Carlisle gave me two! Than I was sure it was Alice.

Suddenly, I felt a cold hand had gently placed itself on my stomach and started to massage my pain away. I blushed. It felt good. But the cramps were kind of putting a damper on anything I felt for him physically. And I was grateful.

But it was still awkward!

"Thank you. Ya know Carlisle, you really don't have to do this. I mean, I appreciate it and everything. But…"

I trailed off. I couldn't continue. I couldn't find anything to say. Not because I was too embaressed but because he'd found a particularly sore spot on my stomach and he was massaging the knot away. Maybe it wasn't so bad in actuality. In truth, I was kinda grateful. And I smiled a bit as the knot loosened itself. I smiled at Carlisle, feeling shy. And I quickly realized I hadn't asked him to stop yet, which made me more embaressed. But before I could blush and uncomfortably apologize, he spoke.

"I don't mind taking care of you Bella. It's no trouble whatsoever. I am sorry that I dressed you without your permission. That was wrong of me to do."

I was blushing a lot tonight. But I had to reassure Carlisle. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I was just shocked, if truth be told, to wake up and find myself so well taken care of.

"Oh, it's nothing like that. I was just wondering how I got into these."

And at that moment, I felt so grateful! Carlisle had braved me naked to dress me, give me pills for my pain, set aside his embaressment and try to help me. And even though I was currently bleeding and he was a vampire, he still stayed!

I knew how much that had to cost him! And as I looked into Carlisle's eyes, I swelled up with an uncharacteristically deep love that shell shocked me for an instant. I loved him. It was wrong. But I did. Didn't I? Maybe.

But there was one thing I was sure of. He had gained my trust. He was one of the few people, along with my father, who absolutely had it.

"I trust you Carlisle."

And as I looked into his eyes, I saw a promise. A deep promise that he would always be there to take care of me. And I felt guilty for crushing on a man who was old enough to be my father. But was this a crush?

That where my thoughts were at as he gently kissed my forehead and wrapped my reclining body in his arms as gently as he could. And even though it felt like a normal hug, I could tell he was being mindful not to hurt my recently soothed stomach anymore than he already had. I smiled as he whispered in my ear.

"Try to get some sleep Bella."

"Ok." I could think about all this tomorrow.

I watched him as he gracefully turned from my room and gently shut my door as to not disturb me. It made no difference. If I needed help, his vampire hearing would serve its purpose anyway. So I smiled and let myself lull into a deep sleep as the pills ran through my system.

There was a part of my mind that hoped I would dream of Carlisle again. But I didn't. Instead, my head swirled as I was kicked in the stomach. This was no cramp. I was literally being kicked in the stomach!

And I was thrown a great distance by muscular strong cold arms.

"Hello Bella. I bet you'd never thought you'd see me again, huh? Have you ever known how much I entirely hate you?"

And than he picked me up and began to choke me and tears ran from my eyes. He'd left me! He'd hated me! How could I love a man who could hate me so deeply? And as I looked deeply into Edward's black eyes, I saw what I saw from the forest. I was a bug that he could squash so easily under his feet. And not just because he was a vampire. It was because he didn't give a damn! And I became angry.

"I hate you."

"Do you now? Well than, I must live up to your hateful expectations. Than he dropped me and crushed my leg under his foot. And the pain was so bad. There was only one name on my lips as Edward killed me. There was only one man I wanted to see.

But I was surprised that it was a screech.

"CARLISLE!"

**a/n Hey guys! How did you like that violent dream sequence? Was there enough action in it? If you would like more detail I can be more detailed. But I wanted Edward's attacks to seem fast and sudden. So which do you like, fast and sudden? Or more detailed and dramatic? Send me your opinions! And btw, don't cha just HATE Edward? I know I do. But apparently, Carlisle doesn't. So what will happen now? What will Carlisle's reaction be when he finds out what Bella has dreamed? Stay tuned! And I will need six more reviews before I give you another Chapter. Which I am currently typing as we speak. :D The magical number is six reviews. :)**


	9. The Eye of the Storm

**A/N I'm sorry for the long aurthors note. But I have a lot to say! Thank you for all you're support! I'm glad you like the story and the characters! You're not the only ones who are addicted to this! I'M _REALLY_ into this story! You see, I've recently been very fascinated by the Carlise/Bella pairing. And I thought that while I was in the mood, I myself should do one! It's always good to write when you're in the mood for it. Here is a little bit about the way I write! I really get into the characters. When I write from a characters point of view, I REALLY write from their point of view. I BECOME whoever I'm writing about. And I literally see things from their perspective. Where they are at, what they are feeling, what they are doing. But another part of me sees it from a writers perspective at the same time and constantly says "Hmm, what can I do to make this interesting?" Than of course, I take the time to go back and edit any mistakes. I'm kinda my own Beta since I've never scored anything less than an "A" in English. :D But yeah. I'm gonna shut up now and let you read the story. Sorry for the long Author's Note! I'll** **_try_ not to let it happen again. :)**

**CPOV**

When I heard Bella scream, a flash passed and I was instantly up to her room. I didn't stop to think of the repercussions of being with Charlie and than suddenly being with Bella. I couldn't. In fact, I hadn't even realized I had run that fast. I was up to Bella room in less than a millisecond. It was a second reaction to her pain. I was wherever she needed me to be. And right now, that was with her, comforting her.

Behind the thick wooden door where I stood, I heard weeping and I felt a twinge of something sharp in my gut. And it wasn't embaressment or fear of a woman's tears. No. I came from the time where if a woman was in tears, you should protect and comfort her. I wasn't afraid of tears. However, this woman's tears meant everything to me! They invoked in me a reaction of love, acceptance, adoration, and pain. Pain for her pain. Hurt for her hurt. I could feel everything she was feeling from behind this door, and it broke me. These tears did not stem from happiness. They were not a good thing and they signaled that something was wrong on the inside of my Bella. Something that I needed to fix. Those tears logged themselves in my vampiric mind as my enemy.

My hand was on the doorknob and turned it quickly, wanting more than anything to comfort my Bella. But when the door was open and I caught sight of my beloved, my heart broke. And for a second, I stood outside her doorway, frozen. I was a witness to her pain. And yet, I was the tesifyer. A testimony to every second of it as it ripped through my own core. And I was shocked at how deeply she felt for a human!

My Bella was crying deeply. This went far beyond a simple sobbing. In fact, this went beyond anything I'd ever seen from her. Ever. What I felt was like Bella's very soul was breaking. But why? What kind of imagery would cause her soul to crack so violently? I had to know. I had to assuade her doubts. I had to show her that everything was fine. That everything was perfect and good. But how could I do that when I didn't know what ailed her to begin with? It was not maddening, it was saddening. Because all I wanted was to breathe in all of Bella's pain and blow it out into nonexistence. And I could do that, if she would let me help her.

But that was far off in happening, I quickly realized. Bella was bent in over on herself, her face in her palms, and tears slipping through her hands, they were pressed so tightly against her face. Her stomach contracted so deeply that I could see her ribs through her skin deep tank top. This wasn't anger, I realized. This was pain. Bella was in _pain._ The very thought made me want to weep just as deeply as Bella. Because I knew, that in order for my beloved to become better, she had to release it. And she had to release it all.

But I knew there was something I could do. I knew that while she drowned, I could be besides her, holding her up. I could ease her pain so she wouldn't have to struggle as much. And the thought, eased my soul some. So in three seconds time from opening her door, I was sitting on the edge of her bed, wrapping her in my arms and offering the comfort that only a mate could give to it's own. And my heart broke a little bit with each shattering note that would pierce through her soul. And my dead heart would constrict at each heaving breath she would take. I felt the pain with her. I understood it.

And than I felt the attack as Bella began hyperventilating. The clenching of her heart. The squeezing of her lungs. The weezing of her breath. And the all terrorizing pain that ripped her open and let her bleed it all out. It was theraputic, yes. She was letting out something that shouldn't be kept it. Locking it all up was unhealthy. But it was also absolutely terrifying to watch.

She thrashed and began to scream as the pain inside her soul tore her from the inside out. And I felt it within my soul, understanding better how to help her.

If you had asked me later, I would have said my entire intent was on helping Bella. The proof of this fact was that I didn't even realize Bella's father was in the room. I just continually rubbed my hands up and down her back, whispering soothing words into her ears. But for many long moment, she thrashed and screeched with pain. And the only thing I could do, was wrap her up in my arms and lock her with my legs. Because she was beginning to thrash so violently, that she would have broken her bones had I not interferred. Her very soul was unleashing it's torment.

I felt when it was over because Bella's body went limp, and than she turned and wept into my chest while I unlocked my arms and legs from around her.

I began to whisper in her ear and her shuddering stopped and her breath became shaky. But her recovery had most definetly speeded up. And I knew at that moment that if my mere presence calmed her some, it seemed my voice worked wonders. I automatically stored that away for future reference. Anything to help my Bella was always stored within a special place in my mind which was reserved for my mate. But now wasn't the time to think about vampire physiology.

I waited on her bed for a few moments as she wept. And than she finally settled down. I was grateful. But I was also scared. I felt nothing from Bella. She was emotionally dead. And when I looked into her eyes, they reflected her soul. A scary eerie sort of peace. It wasn't right, the deadly calm that possessed her face. This was not the Bella I knew. And I feared for the health of her mind and the peace of her soul.

I looked over at Charlie and saw a mixture of emotions on his face. Disgust. He didn't want me touching his daughter, even if he had given his permission. Anger. He _really_ didn't like me touching her. Peace. I was helping Bella. Concern. What was wrong with his little girl? Analyzation. How would I handle the situation? But that was only for a second. And when I looked into his eyes, I felt my own utter heartbreak show in mine. That utter helplessness. And in a millisecond, Charlie understood and nodded at me. The same heartbreak showed in his eyes, stronger than any other emotion. We truly understood each other in that moment. And he nodded at me as though he accepted I was the one for Bella.

I breathed in and out slowly as much as for Bella's composure as it was for mine. I waited until she was breathing slowly and evenly. But it seemed whatever had haunted her dreams had done a thorough job. Bella's eyes were haunted. And my heart flinched at her pain, feeling it as my own. Literally. It was my own. I felt it in my very soul. Though it was not mine to own. And for a moment, an image of Jasper invaded my mind. And I wondered if that was what Esme's death must have been like for him, with each of us breaking around him and than having to deal with his own pain on top of that. I suddenly felt very sympathetic and empathetic towards my empathically gifted son.

"Bella, are you ok?"

And suddenly, Bella looked at me. She looked me deep in the eyes. And in that deadly calm voice that showed on her face, she told me the truth. A truth that I knew she really did not want to admit, but was too numb to fully acknowledge. And I felt that too. So I knew that her next words were all too true.

"No Carlisle, I'm not."

And than that face broke and I saw what she tried to control. I saw what she didn't want me to see. I saw a little girl. I did not see a woman, the kittenish anger that took over Bella when she was slightly upset. I did not see the blazing fire or the shriek that took over her when she was angry beyond reason. I did not see the explosion of furious passion behind her eyes as I had earlier tonight. I saw no traces of gentle humor or a strong laugh that signaled she had found something hilarious. No.

I saw a lost, scared, needy little girl who desperately needed somebody solid and strong to hold onto. And that look, more than anything, made me want to give her to her father. It was a look that a little girl would give her dad when she needed strong arms to keep her safe.

But Bella's next words shocked me. And with them, my feelings changed.

"Hold me Carlisle, just hold me."

Her words were small, lost, alone. But in it all, she didn't want her father. I had a feeling she hadn't even seen him yet. All she could focus on, was me. And that look suddenly catalouged itself in my mind as a look that told me "I need you". It was no longer that of a daughter to her father. It was a look reserved only for me. And as I realized this, I looked directly as Charlie as I wrapped my arms around Bella.

But this time, there was no anger in his eyes at the way I was holding her. Instead, his eyes were pained with sadness, fear, and pain for Bella. Yet, they beamed with happiness and relief that she would be taken care of. That she would be forever more safe in a way that he couldn't make her anymore. Of course, it was buried deep. He was not a man of many emotions. And I was sure these past twenty four hours had taken an emotional toll on him. But there was true happiness in his eyes. Along with a little bit of sadness.

He was not the man to hold his little girl anymore. She was also not a little girl. I was the man to hold her and she was a woman.

As a father, he knew the day would come where he had to give Bella up. It was a deep rooted fear in almost all father's that one day, their little girl would leave them. And even if they couldn't admit it, they _all_ fought against it. But in his eyes, I could see his approval of me and the way I took care of Bella had not only won him over, but pleased him. And I could tell, in that instant, that Bella was truly mine in his eyes. He didn't even need to say the words. He had more or less put Bella's palm in my hand, and given me permission to marry her.

I could see the all encompassing approval written on his face. All that was there said "take care of my little girl". And that in itself spoke more volumes than words could ever have a hope of implying. And what else could I do except nod againsnt the force of such acceptance and understanding?

As he had said, I was her rock now. I would be the rock that would provide her sturdy solid safety. I would be her lighthouse that would shine down on her in a dark sea of emotions. I would be the lifejacket that would keep her afloat so she wouldn't go under. And when she got cold, I would be the fire that kept her warm. I would be the shield that would guard her against the world. I would be the man by her side, in whatever way she needed me. And right now, I was her safety.

I knew Bella as well as I knew myself. So I knew that right now, Bella didn't even need to talk about whatever nightmare she'd had. That discussion would come at a later time, when she was ready to talk about it. I knew that she would bring it up. She didn't shy away from things like this for very long. It would be a short conversation. But it would be blunt. And I would have the key that I needed to help her. I would have that insight into her thoughts, into her mind. I knew that right now, Bella didn't need anything except a good night's sleep. And I was going to make sure she had it.

**a/n So guys, what did you think? As usual, six is the magic number of reviews that I require! I wrote this last night when I only had one review for chapter eight and I just had to keep going! I just couldn't even consider stopping! So, tell me whatcha think! (p.s. I'm starting chapter ten as I write this.) I told you I was addicted! I'm actually just writing this story as I go! I only have a few specific plans that I'm outlining in my head right now! So this story is shocking me too! And I have no idea how it's gonna end up except for a few specific very dramatic things! And I'm very excited about an upcoming chapter! So keep reviewing so I can share my excitement with you! I REALLY want you to read what will happen next! (Even though, of course, I'm still in the process of writing it! He he!) :)**


	10. Unexpected Awakening

**A/N I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update! I know you guys have been waiting for this! But after that last chapter, some things came up that stressed me out REALLY bad! And as you all know, stress causes writers block. However, I'm going to try to write past this block and hope that my experience makes of for the lack of whatever my story may miss!**

When I woke up, my eyes hurt. And I had to rub the sleep from them several times. Also, my body hurt. Just in general. It was like I'd been kicking and screaming in all directions. I thought back real hard and I faintly remembered screaming. Faintly. It made me wonder what had happened. My head started a rough severe relentless pounding in my left eye. Any little noise, anything at all. Would only make it worse.

"Bella?"

Except for that.

I rolled over and moaned.

Luckily for me, this morning was quiet, sunny, and peaceful. But it was the quiet peacefulness that struck me as odd. I couldn't remember the last time I'd heard a cricket. And I couldn't hear any birds at all. In fact, I heard, quite literally, nothing. And that lull, that silence, was what scared me. It was too quiet.

And what was more odd, this didn't feel like my bed. It was too soft. The sheet felt odd covered over me. It felt like a thick feathery downy blanket. This for sure wasn't _my _comfy worn in blanket. So who's was it?

Who's blanket was this? I couldn't remember buying any new ones and Charlie was like me, he never changed. And I knew we didn't have any bedsheets like this so... wait, if it's a new blanket…_Oh my god! _Who's bed was I in? In fact, I didn't even know where I was! Where _was_ I? This wasn't my room. And that was the first thought that donned on me.

However, Carlisle was here. So that must mean I was safe. Carlisle would always keep me safe.

I tried to remember back to the last place I was before I fell asleep. But all I could remember was Carlisle promising that he would come back to sleep with me for the rest of the night. I quickly realized that he'd never shown up! And that made me awfully worried. The terrified blood curdiling screaming paled in comparison.

But I just couldn't get the thought through my head! It was completely impossible! Something hadn't happened to Carlisle. I knew nothing had happened to him not just because he was a 400 year old vampires, but because he was standing right here. So that meant that he broke his promise and he was aware of breaking his promise. My only question was, _why_ had he broken it?

I immediately knew it must be for something important. Maybe it was Charlie or the hospital. Or maybe he desperately needed to hunt. I was unsure. However, I knew the reason had to be important for him to just up and dissappear like that. I felt relief at the thought that Carlisle had not left me like Edward. I wasn't sure I could go through with living after being abondoned by him. Forget Edward. That was child's play next the mere thought of missing Carlisle. And that worried me deeply.

It wasn't right to feel so strong for him. And yet...I couldn't help but feel happy he had not abadoned me. And not just happy! I actually recognized that him leaving would kill me off completely. I didn't like where my mind was headed. I really needed a change of mental subject...I also desperately needed excederine.

Speaking of Carlisle, I realized he was still waiting for me to answer...and his cool hand was on my forehead.

I moaned and moved my face to where his hand was over my left eyelid. The pain was migranic. I moaned.

"I'll be right back Bella."

The door swung as he left. It hadn't even had a chance to meet the hinges before he was back with the bottle of extra strength exxcederine. I smiled through the pain. Once again, Carlisle had come to my rescue.

I than felt a fresh air carress me suddenly and Carlisle was by my side. And I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was smiling, even without the evidence of his face in front of me. _And what a glorious face it was. _I couldn't find it in me to disagree.

I heard the shaking of pills and two appeared in his hand. And just like last night, he put them on my tongue. But unlike last night, I was paying even closer attention to his hands. And the urge was even stronger to suck one of those long dextrous beautiful fingers in my mouth. And I no longer warred against the thought of it, though I felt guilty for not doing so. But I just couldn't make myself seem to stop around him!

_He was so much more different than Edward!_

Wait, what? Where had _that_ come from?

I swallowed some water with the first pill. But my bad luck couldn't evade me for long and I began coughing as I swallowed the water down the wrong pipe. So how was it that the pill went down the right one? I honestly think I just got lucky. At least the pill went down the right way. At least I wasn't choking!

Carlisle's smile faltered as he saw me coughing. I was touched at his concern. But I started thinking about it. Little things like this always concerned him. And if I so much as felt bad, even without him being in the room, he seemed to know. Was this vampire sense or was there something more to it?

"Bella."

I took a shocked gasp and turned around from my deadpan stare at the wall to see Carlisle looking down at me with a loving expression in those golden eyes. Or was I imagining it? But it couldn't be anything else could it? I didn't allow myself to hope. It was impossible.

Carlisle picked up a book that he had left in the bed. I assumed it was his. But I really had no recollection of anything that had happened. OR how I got here. But I needed answers. But first, I had to have my necessities in order.

Before I could ask Carlisle to leave me alone, he pressed my hand to his beautiful full lips and I felt a gentle pressure. I was swooning, and I found it odd that I hadn't been feeling him hold my hand. He was, after all, cold as snow. Was I alright? I knew that I had many questions to ask. But I knew there was one that was the most important. The foremost on my mind. Why hadn't he come back for me?

But that would have to wait.

"Carlisle, I have lots of questions. But those will have to wait. I do have an essential one though. Where am I?"

He laughed lightly. "At my house?"

"You have more than one?"

He smiled gently. "This IS the Cullen house, Bella."

"But I've never _seen_ this room before?"

"I would be very suprised if you have Bella. It's mine."

I looked at the gold coverlette. Actually, everything was either brown, gold, or white. And for some reason, I knew Esme had nothing to do with this room. I instantly knew it was _all_ Carlisle. Because even though the colors seemed fancy, the furniture was tasteful yet simple. The frames were ornate, yet inexpensive. I was smiled. Carlisle had impeccable taste. But than again, I didn't know much about decor. I was just speaking what I thought of it. The walls were sponged gold. And some white still shone through like soft clouds in a golden sky. There was a wooden border in the middle of the walls that extended across all four of them.

And as for the furniture, I hadn't taken a very close look. It really _was_ tasteful. The wood was simple, deep, and brown. But a rich brown. And there were light hints of red in the wood. As for the handles on the wardrobe, dresser, and nightstand, they were all gold. He also decorated the room with a nice golden lamp and strangely, netting above the bed. I hadn't taken him for a netting sort of person.

I sat up curiously and touched it lightly, thinking about how beautiful it was.

"I added that just before you came here. Alice saw you coming and I thought with you in the room, this wall piece would make a nice touch."

I blushed. He was thinking of me. And it showed. Wait...he knew I was coming. He _knew_ I was going to be in his room. In his bed. He knew I was coming to him, and he hadn't freaked out. In a way, that spoke Volumes to me. And in another way, I was afraid of what the tomes of knowledge held within the corners of my mind. The corners that I was very good at ignoring.

"Um, well. I don't mean to be abrupt. But do you have a bathroom I could use?"

"Of course. Just through that door." And he pointed to the one directly opposite the bed.

I nodded. But I was hesitant to leave the bed. How did I know Carlisle would still be here? With an inhuman sense that I was still question, he picked up on what I was feeling and maybe even thinking. He must have.

"Of course Bella, I will be waiting right here when you are through."

I turned around, grabbing my bag of toiletries from my school bag that I noticed by the door. Than opened the door and crossed the threshold, stepping into the most luxuriously styled bathroom I'd ever seen.

Wow.

I'd never realized that Carlisle himself preferred such luxury. Edward certainly never had anything like this. The one he had me use was plain compared to this. I smiled.

Of course, for me, it was a bit on the grandiose side of the scale. And yet, it was also enough on the downscale that I actually liked it. In fact, surprisingly, I liked it very much. The walls were painted a beautiful soft sponged gold. And the curtains were a soft gold silk to match. The lighting was absolutely beautiful. It was neither to harsh, nor to soft for the room.

The countertop had a honey onyx vessel sink that lay on a long gold white marbleized granite counter top. Some gold folded towels and soap containers were to the direct right and left of the sink. And under the counter, I could see cabinets where Carlisle kept his things. But I didn't pry. Prying was rude. Though I admit, I was curious. Smiling, I chanced a guess at the mirror. To my shock, it was also as fancy as the rest of the bathroom.

The mirror was a beautiful inlaid one with actress lights that acted as a border for the top. And a mixture of red, purple, and gold Calla Lilies sat in a gold vase at the right far end.

I even had my choice of whether I wanted to shower or bathe. I decided to go for the shower. The bath was just too large. I began to strip and I noticed what I was wearing underneath the silky pajamas Carlisle had picked out for me last night. It had occured to me that he had picked my undergarments too.

And thankfully, he had chosen modest. I was wearing a light cute pink bra and panties that matched. And each had a small pink silk bow. Carlisle had chosen these? I smiled, liking his modest taste. It matched mine.

But I realized what inappropriate thoughts those were to be having standing in front of _Carlisle's_ mirror using _Carlisle's_ shower and stripping in _Carlisle's_ bathroom. Ok, maybe the thoughts were a bit understandable. But they were still inappropriate. And I blushed and my face was shocked in the mirror. I really had to get my mind under control before I did something really embaressing.

I quickly got in the shower, turning the temperature to lukewarm. I'd always like it in the middle for quick showers. It seemed appropriate. I instantly saw that it was big enough to fit at least ten people. And there were chairs at either side and showerheads at either side so you could shower in either direction. I wasn't about to ask Carlisle what it was for. I was too embaressed.

After I got finished with the shower, I came out, blow dried my hair, and changed into some clothes that Alice thankfully lent me. Good ol' Alice. You could always count on her when you needed her!

I changed into the light peach shirt with peach see through for the short mid shoulder length sleeves. And the pair of blue jeans was actually really comfy. In truth, I preferred dressing like this. This was my style! I wished I were able to do something with my hair, but I'd already knew I wouldn't. I was thankful Alice didn't insist on doing my makeup and hair.

But it was odd. Alice usually left me a note or called out to me while I was in the shower that she'd replaced my clothes or given me new ones. I was ok with that. She was a girl after all. And I'd gotten used to it. But this didn't seem like what Alice would give to me. It also wasn't the usual way Alice did things.

I brushed my hair and brushed my teeth one more time. And after doing so, I walked out of the bathroom and into Carlisle's room. I was immediately shocked.

"I brought you breakfast in bed if you would like it?"

**A/N Ok, I'm not totally blocked anymore. Maybe the cure for writers block is to write? Lol! I don't really know! :) Tell me what you guys think! Six reviews! And I apologize for taking so long to update. **


	11. The Talk

**A/N The explanation for why I was late in posting is down at the bottom. I'm not keeping you from this story any longer than I have to. And I apologize for the delay.**

"I brought you breakfast in bed if you would like it?"

He'd appeared so suddenly that I was shocked and I jumped a little. I knew I should have stopped to take a breathe instead of trying to move over to Carlisle. But my body wouldn't listen to what my mind was telling me because I smiled and my feet moved of their own accord. However, my brain and body were still dissconnected slightly. And that's never a good time for a clutz.

When I eagerly tried to walk towards Carlisle, I tripped over nothing less than my own two feet. And of course, Carlisle was there to catch me when I fell. I blushed. Feeling embaressed, I mumbled my thanks. Carlisle always had this way of making me feel like a woman. And yet, he still reminded me that I was a teenager. I was sure if that was a good combination or not. All I knew was that I was very shy around him, and I didn't know the feeling at all.

I began to think about it as Carlisle helped me over to the bed. It was so different. It was like having a father and yet...it was _nothing at all_ like having a father. I wasn't sure if this was a fatherly feeling I had for him or something deeper. My head spun as I tried to work out what I was thinking.

ever, it _was _odd to have him offering me breakfast in his house in his bedroom and treating me like I was the one who lived here instead of him. If anything, I should be helping him. Not the other way around. And I immediately felt guilty.

"Ok, so I'm in your house. But I think I remember falling asleep at mine. So how did I get here?"

Carlisle voice was sad, as were his eyes. "Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Only lots of screaming. Who was that?"

He continued to look at me for a long moment and he said nothing. That's when it dawned on me. _I_ was the person who was screaming.

"Carlisle?"

"You had a night terror."

"Don't you mean a nightmare?"

I cut into my pancakes and took a bite while Carlisle talked. I moaned at the soft fluffiness of the pancakes and the sweet taste of the syrup.

"These are so _good._"

"Thank you! I had hoped you would like home made better than store bought." Carlisle beamed and on his face, I'd never seen a look more beautiful. That was why I couldn't bear to tell him not to make me anymore.

He smiled, as though he'd read the thought on my face. "I know you are uncomfortable with being cared for. I only do this _because_ I care."

I smiled. I liked that he cared about me deeply enough to do this. I cuddled into his cold soothing side. "Thank you Carlisle. I appreciate it. I really do."

"You are quite welcome Bella."

His silky voice in my ear made me dizzy and I was tempted to turn my face up and press my lips to his. But I resisted. Carlisle wouldn't like that too much.

"So um, don't you mean _nightmare?_" I took another bite while Carlisle explained.

"A nightmare is terrifying. But a night terror is much more so. This night terror affected you so deeply that it caused you physical and emotional pain."

I was shocked that a dream had affected me so deeply. That would explain why I felt so crappy this morning. It would also explain why I didn't remember anything except the screaming. I did a good job of blocking things out. I looked at Carlisle, who's face was pained with rememberance.

"It was heartbreaking to watch you shatter like that. However, I knew it was neccessary. I couldn't tell you it would all be ok because it wasn't. It was something that you needed to cry out. However, when you did, you seemed to break free of something. Your eyes were dead afterwards, but you turned to me for comfort. You _told_ me that you weren't alright. You admitted it. So from that moment onward I was resolved to help you. I gave you all that I could. I'm suprised you don't remember."

"I do a good job of blocking things out I don't like remembering."

"That's very unhealthy Bella. It's always a good idea to talk to someone."

"You mean see a shrink?"

"No, I mean recieve console from a friend."

"Who would than send me to a shrink."

Carlisle chuckled and shook his head. "Bella, you truly are a joy."

I blushed but paled instantly. Oh god. "What about Charlie? What was his reaction to all this? Oh my god! He saw it didn't he? Is Charlie ok?" Charlie was gonna _kill_ me.

Carlisle kissed me forehead. I felt faint. "Charlie is fine, Bella." Carlisle smirked. "He was angry at first when he saw me touching you, but he accepted that it was for comfort."

"Oh." I was relived. "So Charlie is fine?"

"Yes, if anything is wrong with Charlie, it would be that Charlie is worried about you. Although he _was_ distracted for a moment from his concern."

I was confused. "By what?"

Carlisle smirked. "He asked me how I got up to your room so fast. Luckily, I was standing right by the fridge and I had an adrenaline rush when I heard you scream because I panicked."

I snorted. Both of Edward's excuses. _Nice. _Carlisle smiled as though he knew what I was thinking, which I suppose he did. My thoughts always showed up on my face.

"So, after that night, you sent me here? I don't object to your descision. I'm just wondering, why?"

"I didn't suggest it actually. Charlie did. I personally thought you would want to be near your father. _But you proved me wrong._" He hadn't meant for me to hear the last part. But I did.

"What do you mean I proved you wrong?"

"You begged me not to leave you."

"And Charlie heard that?" I was blushing. No one was supposed to know about my..._crush._

"Yes, and he thought that since I have so many different medical degrees, I can literally help you with anything and everything you need help with."

Charlie was right. And not only that, but I _trusted _Carlisled. I...I wasn't sure...but I...loved him? I cringed closer into Carlisle's side.

Things were quiet for a minute as I mulled that over. Apparently, Charlie knew I was close to Carlisle. But there was no chance he would have sent me anywhere near here if he knew I had a crush on Carlisle. I mentally cringed.

"So, Charlie sent me here."

"Yes."

I breathed out a sigh of relief. It was time for the next line of questioning.

"Carlisle, you said you would be back to sleep with me. Why did you break your promise?" I was quiet for a moment. Than I almost physically cringed at how that sounded. It sounded "wrong"...and yet, it sounded right to me. Why was it that I would have never even _thought_ about that around Edward yet around _Carlisle..._

"I was actually talking to Charlie." It sounded like Carlisle was smirking.

"Did my dad say something funny?"

"He did actually." Carlisle didn't elaborate. Well, I guess it was between them.

"Oh."

"I'm very sorry that I wasn't there with you last night Bella. Me and Charlie had some very important issues to settle. And he actually suprised me several times. So, in the end, it all worked out for the better for you. And that's why I knew I couldn't leave."

Now I _really_ felt bad. Not only was I trailing after Carlisle like a lost puppy, but he was taking care of important business and I'd wanted him to stay with _me_ instead! I was so selfish! Maybe I_ deserved_ Edward. I was just as bad as he was if not worse.

"Carlisle, what did you think of me while I was with Edward?" I was embaressed that I hadn't better thought out those words. It wasn't like me to blurt things out. I blushed. But Carlisle simply smiled.

"I've always felt very strongly about you Bella. Even from the first day we met. And when Edward heard it in this thoughts, he told me that he refused to let me take you away from him. So I was only allowed near you when he was around, at the hospital, when in an emergency. I was not allowed to refer to you by anything other than Bella at all. Edward was very clear. No endearments, no names other than yours, nothing. And I could only touch you in the middle of your right top arm unless I was examining you or giving you surgery. So if I was at all a bit removed while you were with Edward, I apologize."

"Not at all. It feels good to have it finally explained because the way you were acting than and now was a huge change. And it was pretty much instantaneous. That's why I'm so curious."

The words _I've always felt very strongly about you_ resonated in my head with the consistancy of a beautiful chiming silver x-mas bell.

However, this was not the first time Carlisle had said something to me that was like this. Carlisle had been practically only one step away from romance towards me ever since he "brought me back from the dead." I didn't mind it at all, I only felt a little shy. But I felt guilty for Esme. Also, a little bit enraged.

I didn't know why it upset me that she'd been with Carlisle, but I felt guilty for it. I also felt a little angry at Carlisle. If Esme had died, how could he get over her so quickly? Carlise was not in any way heartless. So I just didn't get it. I didn't understand. I also didn't know how to bring the subject up. So I did the only thing I knew how to do. I just said it.

"Carlisle, I'm really sorry to bring this up like this. I know Esme was close to you."

He smiled gently. "Yes, she was."

He showed a little pain but he was happily lost in a few memories of her.

I suddenly felt horribly sad. I hated that he was in pain over her. I never wanted him to be in pain and I wanted to take it from him and keep his pain for myself. But I felt something else along with that horribly sad feeling.

My pancakes were finished but I'd lost my apetite for the rest of the food. I was too sad to eat.

I also felt something other than pain. I was a something that went past insane jealousy. I felt...murderous. Like I myself wanted to kill Esme, even though she was gone. I felt horrible! How could I even feel this way? Maybe I truly _was _insane if I wanted to murder someone as lovely and as beautiful as Esme. And yet, when Carlisle thought about her...I tended to look at things in a slightly different way. Everything Carlisle said or did made me have a different reaction, and they were normally not ones that I would have. That scared me.

"Well, I don't understand how you could...well, how...ya know...could be..."

"How I could "jump ship" so quickly, so to speak?"

I blushed, but I began to think. Was he admitting that he was "jumping ship"? And if so, was he referring to me?

"Bella, I never loved Esme. Not like you think I did."

The jealousy disappeared from inside me and only left dizzying fresh air. My head was spinning. I blinked once. I blinked twice. The words didn't make sense. Though the words themselves made me happy. But logically...

"Esme was your wife, wasn't she?"

"In name, yes. And that was only when we adopted Alice and Jasper. We tried to create a facade as a bunch of College students as long as we could. But eventually, we couldn't anymore because there were too many of us. So in order to not arouse suspiscion, we thought it would be easier to create the Brady Bunch."

I laughed so hard that I had to clutch my stomach. I really hadn't been expecting him to say that. It just didn't sound like something the normal Carlisle would say!

When I stopped imitating Emmett, Carlisle continued and I blushed as I realized how loudly and boistrously I'd been laughing. I really _had_ sounded like Emmett. And in front of Carlisle! That was embaressing. I turned my attention to a smiling Carlisle.

"Do you know that Edward was the only one who knew the true state of my relationship with Esme?"

"Really?"

"Yes. None of the family found out for a long time. Around seventy years actually."

I was shocked. That was a long time to keep a secret. Though to a vampire, maybe it only felt like seven minutes. "So, what _was_ your relationship like? If the question isn't too personal." It _was_ a personal question. But for some weird reason, I felt I had the right to ask. That made me feel socially awkward. I ignored the thought and listened to Carlisle.

"It wasn't that of a husband to his wife. It was more of a confidant/counselor relationship. You see, Esme was originally intended to be Edward's mate."

"Mate? Is this another vampire thing?"

He smiled. "Actually, you're correct. A mate is a vampire's life partner. The bond itself is unbreakable, as strong as an immortal, and is impossible to deny. It gives both mates certain rights to each other that other vampires who are simply "with" each other don't have."

"So, it's a romantic bond?"

"It can be, but it doesn't have to be. The bond simply must live in _some_ way. But a mate can never deny the other without causing harm to both and eventually killing both mates."

"So, Edward was Esme's mate?"

"Yes."

"Does the relationship go both ways?"

"What do you mean?"

"As in, both feel the bond, not just one."

"That is a very good question. And yes, _both_ mates feel the bond and the effects of it as well."

"Effects?"

"Well, both mates can read each others thoughts, intentions, and emotions. They share everything except each other. They are extremely possessive. And you can never lie to your mate."

"How come?"

"Because your mate will feel it. But this is in a romantic relationship. There is always a choice between the two. If two vampires are truly not in love, they will simply share a very deep bond."

"How will they know if they are in love or not? Or if the other vampire is in love with them?"

"Because they will both feel it as an extension of themselves. If one vampire is in love with the other, both will feel it. And it will automatically turn into a romantic relationship. I can only think of one instance where it didn't."

"What was that?"

"Edward and Esme. You see, as true mates, we are whatever our mates need us to be. It doesn't neccesarily have to be romantic. So when Edward stated he wasn't interested in her romantically, I thought it would be the end of that. But the only problem was, if that were true, Esme would never have been in love with him."

"So what are you saying?"

"That Edward was in love with Esme. And it was a secret from everyone in this house, including Edward. The only people he couldn't fool were me and Esme. So Esme often came to me seeking guidance and help because she didn't know what to do. Vampires can't go insane, but she came as close to it as one can come."

"That's so sad. I feel so bad for Esme."

I really did. Maybe it _was_ possible for vampires to go insane and since Edward had left, we couldn't study them anymore.

"So, what happened when Edward found out?"

"When he found out Esme was his mate, he cut himself off from her for fifty five years without so much as a word to her. It was detrimental to the special mother son relationship they _could_ have shared."

"So if Edward was in love with Esme, why did he come after me?"

"Edward decided to be a fool. He fell for you even though you were not his to fall for. And he took you for his own despite the fact that he was in love with Esme. He should never have. And Esme should never have encouraged it!"

Anger entered Carlisle'ss voice along with an extreme possessiveness and jealousy that I'd never heard in him before. It actually felt like what I'd felt. Could I be...?

"You are in no way Edward's Bella. Nor were you ever. And the way he treated you was low and despicable."

I was shocked by Carlisle's words. I hadn't expected them. But this was about the same way I felt about Esme. That was when it hit me. Carlisle felt the same about me "being with" Edward. Could I...no. That was impossible. Right?

"I feel that I owe you an apology, Bella. I am sorry that I lost my temper in such a manner around you."

I put my hand on his cheek and nudged him gently to look at me. And I hoped he would hear the double meaning in my words. "Carlisle, I understand how you feel."

He smiled, looking unsure for the first time. "Do you?"

"Yes, I do. But you won't like what I have to tell you. You were dear friends with Esme, and I understand that. But Carlisle, it's my fault Esme..." I couldn't even finish my sentence. I felt like I could cry. Nobody knew what Edward had told me. But I had to let Carlisle know why Esme died. And when I did, he would hate me forever. "Carlisle, Edward told me that-"

He breathed out a deep sigh and his voice was a mixture of the most pain and sorrow that I've ever heard. "Bella, Esme's death was not your fault. Do you want to know the real reason Edward said that?"

I was confused. "Why?"

"I feel sorry for Edward because not only is his mates death was his fault, but he finally realized he was in love with her only after she died. And he will have to live with that pain forever unless he makes the choice to die as well."

I couldn't imagine living in a world where Carlisle didn't exist. I would choose to kill myself. End of story. Dot. Period. That much, I was sure of.

"So Edward fell out of love with me?"

"Yes."

"Why did he stay?"

"Esme thought that you made him happy. So she let you take her place in hopes of making Edward happy."

"Wow. I could never do that."

"It's normally impossible for a mate to do. Esme was a very caring compassionate woman."

That made me feel all the worse for wanting to kill her earlier. An uncomfortable knot twisted itself in my stomach. But I pressed on, curious.

"Edward told me you were leaving. I can't make sense of why you all stayed."

"Edward did not have the family consesus. When Esme died, he just took off and did what he did."

Things were quiet for a moment as I peeled back the thick skin of a perfectly ripe orange with my fingers. I realized something off handedly.

"So all of you actually _wanted_ to stay?"

"Yes. We are nowhere near wanting to leave. Nor are we near the time where we will have to."

I sighed in relief. But now was time for the last bit of questioning. And this line, I knew, would be the hardest.

"Carlisle, can a human be the mate of a vampire?"

**A/N I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write guys. I've been very sick. And when I got over being sick, I was sent directly back to school. I've been so busy lately that I've literally been passing out on the couch the moment I get home. I've had to have my mother wake me several times so I will be able to eat supper because I'm sleeping so heavy that I can't wake myself up. So I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to write. And guess what! I'm giving you guys a special treat! Chapter twelve will ALSO be posted today! And forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm assuming this is the part of the conversation you wanted to hear? lol!** **:D**


	12. Explanations

**Ugh. I've been in and out of the emergency room more than anyone I know. It's getting ridiculous. Anyways, here's the next chapter. Sorry it took so long.**

"Carlisle, can a human be the mate of a vampire?"

He seemed to ponder his answer for a moment, than he spoke thoughtfully. "Yes, it's certainly possible. But it's rare when it happens. And it usually points to some strong latent talent within the human mate."

"Talent?"

"Did anyone ever explain to you about talents vampires have?"

"Oh. Yes."

"Well, talent as in, what the talent, or "gift" of a vampire would be."

Oh. That made sense. I immediately thought of Alice and her "gift". It was rare amongst their kind, to be able to see the future, or so I'd been told.

Speaking of rarity, that reminded me of something Carlisle said.

"So, why is it that vampire and human mating is so rare?"

"Well, one of the reasons vampire and human mating is so rare is because the human has less aware senses than the vampire. So when a mating takes place, it must mean that the human has to have sharper senses than the average human and therefore it concludes that they are the perfect mate for the said vampire, whatever form of mate the vampire may take on."

"So…the humans aren't…_normal_ humans?"

"No, they are. It's just that their thoughts are sharper and more defined. You could say that they are more aware, or more intellectual than other humans. We always had a joke when Esme was human that her mind simply didn't work right."

That was _exactly_ what the Cullen family said about me.

"I see the resemblance between me and Esme."

Carlisle quietly contemplated that before he said, "I see your point."

He smirked, "Although if my memory serves me correctly, I can't say that I remember Esme being excessively clumsy."

I laughed lightly, my head spinning.

I just couldn't believe that not only was this possible, but how well it matched the description of me! Every single Cullen said my mind wouldn't work right. Edward couldn't get _anywhere_ inside my head. I had practically no sense of self preservation, as Emmett always liked to tease me about. He thought it was mostly because I hang around with vampires and I wasn't fearful, which was true. I wasn't. Also, Carlisle had proven I didn't think with the normal thought patterns that other humans had. After a series of questions, he said my mind moved forward three steps ahead but my body was too slow too keep up. That explained my clutzyness, my "middle ageness" and why I never seemed to fit in.

I could see how it was coming together. And who knew? Maybe I _was _his mate. I just needed more proof that I could actually _be_ a mate period, before I let myself hope. Because I might not be good for Carlisle, with me being a human.

"So, can you explain a little more? I want to know how the mating between a vampire and human is different from the mating between a vampire and another vampire."

He crossed his legs. "Of course Bella. Would you like me to explain only human to vampire reactions or vampire to human reactions?"

"Both actually. I didn't even know they both_ had_ reactions."

"Shall I explain human to vampire first?"

"Actually, I'm more curious about vampire to human, but I'd like to hear both."

"Of course. Well, as you may have figured, the vampire mind can calculate enormous amounts of data. It automatically logs everything that happens. Also, the vampire brain has the recall that would be able to recount something that happened fifty years in the past, in the present with perfect clarity. That is the power of our minds."

Wow. I'd never heard it explained like that. "So does that become amplified with mates?"

"Yes and no. When a vampire finds it's mate, a section of their mind that was dormant pre-mate, awakens. It catalogues everything about their mate subconsciously without the vampire even knowing it. Also, when the bond becomes extremely deep, mental telepathy can take place."

"Kind of like mind reading?"

"No. What Edward did was different than telepathy. What he was doing was all one way. Others couldn't sense him in their thoughts. However, as mates, both vampires can converse back and forth for hours without ever saying a word."

"What about vampire to human? Does the same type of telepathy…well, is it still the same?"

"The only case that I have ever witnessed of a vampire and human mating was Edward and Esme, who didn't bond completely. Also, both of whom were more different than anyone I've ever met. At the time when Esme was human, she couldn't read Edward's mind, though he could read hers deeper than he could read anyone else's. I think this was just his natural power amplifying, the same with most other powers. Everythying amplifies where the mate is concerned."

"Even your natural gifts?"

"Yes. I believe that our powers _may _amplify to where our mate is concerned, but to all others, that level of power is normal."

"Because it doesn't have the connection of the mate to back it up and make it stronger so the power has less sway over them."

"Precisely."

"So, do you know what the thoughts were like and why she couldn't see them?"

"I instructed Edward to send very simple thoughts. Colors, shapes, images, two word sentences. But she never seemed to get anything he sent her. So the "telepathy" was all one way. As for why she couldn't hear it, I don't believe her mind was powerful enough to. It was apparently only her body that was strong."

"But wait...wouldn't that trial be unfair considering that the trial basis was run when Edward was denying that Esme was his mate? Edward's emotions could have been a deciding factor."

"You are right. They would have. So I would say it's a good thing I ran this experiment before he realized what she was to him."

So the testing was valid. Interesting.

Carlisle continued, "However, as far as telepathy from vampire to human goes, I have an untested theory on this."

"What is that?"

"I believe that it all depends upon the mind of the human."

"Oh. That sounds pretty plausible. What is your theory based on?"

"You."

I froze for a moment, shocked. "Me? Why do you think that?"

He just looked at me and I caught up.

"Wait, you're not saying that you can hear my thoughts?"

"I respect your privacy so I don't pry. The only time I can't block out your thoughts is when you are extremely angry or you are in terrible pain."

I thought about that for a moment. "What do _you_ think about being in my mind?"

"I think that it allows me to help you better and give you what you need. All I wish is to help you, not invade your privacy. So because of this, at times where you are not distressed, I try my best to distance my mind from you. As I said, I would never pry."

I thought about that for a moment. "Well, I honestly don't think I mind you being in my head. Especially because you told me why and you asked permission to be there. If you'd want to be, I'd let you inside my head whenever you wanted."

He smiled lightly. "Only if you're sure that's what you want. And of course, I extend the same courtesy to you Bella."

I was confused. "What do you mean?"

"If you wish to be inside of my mind, you can be."

"Um, how do I do that?"

"Something I've noticed in all mated pairs is that when they focus on it, they will find a knot that is barely there in the back of their neck. I should say it feels more like a 'just massaged' type of feeling."

I began to focus on my neck and I couldn't feel anything at first. But when I focused harder, sure enough, there it was. He was right. The proof of a bond that had yet to fully exist. I figured that it was because the bond wasn't cemented, that I had to focus hard to feel it. So that meant that we weren't exactly 'mated' yet. I was glad because I didn't want to give too much away yet. There were still things I had to figure out. So I wanted to know these things and take them all into consideration. I also didn't want to be surprised later.

"Carlisle, if we aren't fully bonded, how am I able to do these things such as telepathy?"

"Well, most of the things I've described to you won't take place until later."

"Oh, well...So, how far does this telepathy go?"

"It goes far enough to where, if I wished it, I could feel your emotions, physical state of being, and pain. It goes into every corner of the mind. Not just the thoughts.

"Wow. So, it's really that deep?"

"Yes."

"Edward told me he could only hear certain distances. How far does this go?"

"It doesn't. You could be halfway across the world, and I would still be able to contact you and hear you just fine with no trouble at all."

I blinked. "Wow. Why is that?"

"Because our bond doesn't exist within the perameters of time, unlike our powers. We as vampires exist outside of time, as vampires don't truly exist in it because we live forever."

"That makes sense. Time usually doesn't make any sense to vampires because they never age. It's only the cultivated vampires that are aware of it."

He smiled, his golden eyes holding an impressed look. "Very good, Bella. You are precisely correct."

I smiled in return. "Ok. So, what else is there?"

"Well, as you already know, vampires have unparalleled senses. But with mates, those senses become stronger and higher in level. For instance, say if a vampire had the power to cause extreme pain but they had to work at it, if their mate was threatened, they could cause unbearable amounts of pain without trying."

"So it when your mate is threatened, your power doubles?"

"No. Not just our power, and not just when our mates are threatened. Where we are in the presence of our true mates, the couples power, strength, and many other things, are doubled. Also, when the connection becomes deeper, both mates will get a sense of premonition as if you know what your mate is going to do or say before they do it or say it, which can come in handy if they are threanted."

"Ok. So, telepathy, premonition, empathic qualities, increased traits, and advanced knowledge of the mate in question. Is that everything?"

"I think that covers it."

I felt a nagging at the back of my mind. And I felt bad if this bond was what I thought it was for him. "Carlisle, about this mating, you _do_ get a choice, don't you? I mean, you _do_ get to choose whether you want to be with me or not? You're not just hopelessly in love?"

"Bella, I find it touching that you would worry about my happiness. And there is no reason to worry. When a vampire finds it's mate, it's not about having a choice. The connection is there from the moment the significant other comes into existence. Whether that be through the way of child birth as a human or whether that be through the transformation into a vampire. So the choice is not about whether you want your soul mate. The choice is what you wish the connection to be classified as. And of course, you are free to make your own descisions as you please, Bella. No one can impose their will upon yours without your consent."

I nodded. At least he had a choice in the matter. So he could make a decision about what I was to him. And unlike what I thought this was, I was happy I didn't have to be just _one_ thing under _one_ classification. I could be many at the same time. Best friend, confident, or maybe just a friend. The array of options that presented themselves to me made me feel slightly more confident.

What didn't make me feel confident was his diet. Edward and the family always had a horrible time being around me when I was bleeding. Even when it was just a papercut, as Jasper had already proven. And even though Carlisle had always been composed, maybe that was just an act so he wouldn't scare me away. I hoped that he didn't desire my blood more than the rest. I didn't want to make this hard on him.

"Carlisle, I know you have no taste for human blood. You've all but deadened yourself to it. But does that change when you are with me?"

He smiled congenially. "Not at all. As you can see, I can be myself around you. I don't have to work at protecting you and I don't have to keep myself from intaking your blood. Your blood is like a fragrant perfume. I couldn't look at you as food. It was the same way Edward and Rosalie reacted to their mates."

"Why haven't you spoken much of Rosalie if she went through this too?"

"Because, she specifically asked me not to use her for any comparisons other than assuring you that you are safe. She is a very private person."

"Oh." I wondered what had happened to make her so.

"Do you have more questions?"

"I think we've covered everything. But I'll be sure to let you know if I have more." I quickly peeled off a section of the orange and began to eat the fruit.

"Well Isabella, I am sorry to say that for now, I must give you up."

I dropped the half peeled orange. "Oh. Are you being called in by the hospital again?"

"No. It's not about the hospital. Alice is waiting with baited breath outside the door to come and snatch you up. She wants to take you on another shopping trip, no doubt." He smiled.

I really didn't want to be a bad sport. I also didn't want to complain in front of Carlisle, who was currently...laughing?

"You wish to complain?"

"I thought you couldn't read my mind," I mumbled.

"I can, but it's more the fact that your thoughts are obvious."

"Well, I just don't like shopping."

Alice barged into the room with a puppy dog look on her pixie like face.

"You don't like shopping with me Bella?"

Not the puppy dog face! "Alice, it's not like that."

"Bella, you're my sister. I _want_ to shop with you! It's fun because you're not a vampire, so you're not perfect. That means that I actually get to _make_ you look perfect. And that's a lot of fun! Please don't take that away from me."

I had to remember what Alice had been through. I couldn't imagine what it was like and I instantly felt guilty.

"I don't dislike being with you Alice. Shopping just makes me a little grumpy."

She beamed, showing off all her pearly white teeth. "Than be ready in ten minutes." I blinked and she was gone. And than an interesting thought struck me. IF he didn't have to work at the hospital today, maybe I could get more time with Carlisle.

"Carlisle?"

He turned to face me with a smile. "Yes?"

"Would you like to come shopping with me and Alice?"

He beamed. "I'd be delighted."

"Oh fine. He can come too. But if he's coming than I'm buying him outfits too."

I rolled my eyes at the obnoxious pixy. But when an image of Carlisle struck me in a beautiful outfit, I giggled. I knew what I would like to see him wear.

Alice froze and than giggled along with me. "That outfit will be perfect Bella." Than she pecked my cheek and was gone.

**A/N I literally have no time to write anymore between school, homework, my solo in choir, making varsity choir, and choir practice. Believe me, mixed honors varsity is fun when you are hitting B flat's as loud as the rest of the choir. But standing without a break for an hour and a half isn't. I got up at 1:05 am to beta this and give it to you. I just want to let you know that this story is NOT abandoned.  
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	13. Good Advice

**A/N Here is another chapter. I thought you might like two of them back to back since you had to wait so long. Not only that, but this chapter just completely spilled out. Lol!**

Before I knew it, we were driving in a yellow porsche with Alice listening to one of my favorite 90's rock bands, Bush. Alice had never understood my taste in 90's music, but I liked it all the same. For me, rock music was simple yet catchy. Anything that was like that was something I definetly wanted to listen to.

Of course, I couldn't escape the pop that Alice would put on. But the party rock anthem wasn't that bad. And sometimes, Carlisle would pick very relaxing songs that I really liked.

I noticed that he liked violin, which made me smile. Also, he introduced me to a beautiful pianist. Yiruma. I made a note in my cell phone to remember that artist and I typed in the song "The River Flows In You". That was a song that was going on my playlist for sure.

I stared out the window of the front seat while Alice sang to all the songs on the mix cd. The one we were currently listening to was Bush's "English Fire". One of their less popular songs. But I liked it.

I looked in the rearview mirror, where Carlisle caught me watching, and he smiled at me. I blushed back, smiling embarresedly, and looked away with an even shyer smile.

We got out of the car and Carlisle came to stand beside me, though not too close for my poor sanities sake. For some reason, my teenage hormones would go crazy around him. And it definitely wasn't something I was used to, but I knew I'd have to _get _used to.

We walked into the huge mall and I grimaced at the size of it, thankful for my trusty converse. I never left home without them.

I followed Alice, walking into our first store, and stared around at the pricey dresses. It was going to be a long shopping trip. I sighed as she began sorting through the racks. I sat down on a bench in front of the shoe isle.

Before I knew it, I found a certain someone there beside me.

"Bella, I'm well aware that you truly hate people spending money on you. But I think there is more to this than you are letting on."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, would you explain to me all the reasons you dislike shopping?"

I exasperatedly complained. "Alice drags me to every single store we come across. And several of them have dresses that I can't _begin_ to see myself wearing, not even counting the price tag, which I would never be able to afford. And don't even get me started on the shoes! Not only that, but she always drags me to the most expensive stores. She shouldn't be spending all that money on me. It's not right."

It was at the end of my little rant that I blushed, embarrassed. I hadn't meant to go all out like that. But Carlisle seemed to think over my words, as though looking for a double meaning. Which I admit, confused me.

"Ok. You dislike shopping in general because you believe it's a waste of money. You've never necessarily had extra to spend so you're not used to it. And not only that, shopping is tiresome. That, I can understand. But those are external reasons. Think deeper. You said you can't see yourself in those dresses. Excluding the reason of the price tag, why?"

"Because, they are...well, they're...skanky."

He looked apalled and mocking. "Surely not all of them! If so, I'd have to question the morality of the stores Alice was taking you to!"

I laughed pretty good at that one and agreed with him. "No, not _all_ of them. But the ones that aren't skanky, I can't see myself wearing at all."

"And why not?"

"Because they're...well, they are very well made." And I realized exactly why I couldn't wear them. "They're beautiful." And Alice or Rosalie would be much better suited.

Carlisle's eyes were a soft shade of understanding and sadness. He looked into my eyes and took my face between his hands.

"There is no reason to feel inferior, Isabella. You have an innocent natural beauty that radiates outward to inward and inward to outside of you. I honestly think that you are a beautiful young woman. Truly, you are."

I shook my head. "I'm not a woman. Actually, there are times around you where I feel as though I'm just a teenager."

"I called you a _young_ woman, because it is a reflection of your maturity. But in truth, you _are_ "just a teenager", Bella. I'm not taking that away from you. Middle aged teenager or not, you are still a teen. And you need time to be a teen and enjoy your life. I was merely alluding to the fact that you most certainly have the maturity of a woman."

I blushed. "So...you're ok with that than? Ya know, being the mate of a teenager?"

"Are you ok with being the mate of a four hundred year old vampire?"

I laughed. "Yes…maybe."

Things were quiet for a moment as I thought about the 'maybe'. And I found it was easier to open up.

"Carlisle, there are things that I don't understand. I feel as though you are in love with me, other times, I _personally _don't know what to think about you. I'm very confused about how I feel about you. And you don't exactly make it easier."

His eyes were sad. "Tell me."

"Well, I don't really know. Sometimes, it's so easy to be around you. Other times, it's not. You make me think things and feel things that aren't normally like me at all. And unlike Edward, I actually _want_ whatever this is between us. I just don't know if I want it to be romantic or not. I mean, I've always looked at you as family in a way. But that was always because you were the head of the Cullen family and I was an extension because of Edward."

His eyes were serious when he spoke. "You were _never_ an 'extension' Bella. Actually, Alice should have been the one to bring you into our lives. She had been seeing visions of me finally finding my mate and when she saw you, she recognized you instantly. But Edward intervened before she could, making all our lives more difficult by far. I assure you Bella, you would _never_ have been an extension."

I liked hearing that. I wanted to be a part of the Cullen family in at least some way. I loved all of them very much. Not just Carlisle. Even Jasper was pretty amazing. But even though I was a part of the Cullen family, what would I do about my own?

"Carlisle, I can't lie to Charlie forever. I can lie to him about some things, but he would eventually find out if we..." I trailed off.

"Actually, it may surprise you to know this. But Charlie has given his blessing."

"He has?"

Carlisle nodded. "He knows Bella, there could be something between us, and though he doesn't necessarily like it, he accepts the fact that you are not his little girl anymore."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, that's what he was telling me when we were talking last night. He more or less put your hand in mine. He really has seen that you have grown up, Bella. And he's giving you the freedom to be who you need to be. He's realized that you are eighteen. And while he may still hold influence over you emotionally, he doesn't techincally hold anything over you according to the law. Also, he doesn't want to hurt you in the long run. He knows that you have to make mistakes and make your own descisions. And he knows that there are just some things he can't say no to. So he's accepted that you've grown up in order not to hurt you."

I blinked. Coming from Charlie, that was shocking. I _definitely _hadn't expected _that _move. Maybe my dad noticed more than I gave him credit for. I was impressed. And the way Carlisle made it come across, it was almost as though he could read Charlie's thoughts. Maybe he really _had_ connected with my dad. And if so, wow. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if...should I tell him? Yes. I should.

"Carlisle, I'd honestly like to know if we are compatible enough to be together."

He smiled but I felt like smacking myself. I sounded like those stupid commercials advertising a dating site. E-Harmony. I almost snorted. I tried another way.

"Carlisle, I've decided that I would like to get to know you better. I was thinking that if you wanted to, we could go on a couple of test dates to see how things play out. It doesn't exactly feel awkward thinking of you in that way."

He seemed relieved. "I'm glad to hear that. I thought that role I played as a father would be too awkward for you if you thought of me as one."

"I hope you don't feel bad when I say this, but even though I knew you were a 'father' to your 'kids' I could never look at you as one. There was just something that was 'off.' "

"I know exactly what you mean. Edward was rather upset that I couldn't look at you as a daughter."

I smirked. "Edward can stuff it."

He laughed gently.

"As for you idea, I think that dating is a excellent one Bella. It would be good for you to just relax. And I promise to pick activities that you and I will both enjoy. I won't pick out something you hate." I breathed out a sigh of relief, feeling thankful and Carlisle spoke.

"You seem relieved?"

"Whenever I'm out with Alice she takes me clothes shopping. And Edward liked nature and music so I braved the cold, wet, and rocky ground. But honestly, while I really did have a good time sometimes, I didn't neccessarily enjoy what I was doing. I was just happy to be with the person."

Carlisle was angry at how I'd been treated by Edward. Than he was thoughtful for a moment. "Bella, how do you really feel about Edward leaving you?"

"It scared me at first because he left me alone in the woods and I thought I was going to die."

His usually calm face was a mixture of anger and sadness. But not at me, I knew.

"What did it do to you emotionally?"

I could have face palmed myself. I should have known he meant emotionally and not how I felt at the time. As the phrase goes, "epic fail".

"It made me so exhausted that I almost quit breathing. I never realized that I even put that much into what little we had."

"You didn't realize what little it was, so you can't be blamed."

I cocked my head to the side, thinking. "I guess you're right. But Carlisle, you don't have to worry about me having "feelings" for Edward. Unless they are angry ones. I can never forgive him for what he did to me. He didn't necessarily break my heart, because it was never his to begin with. However, he did break my trust. And anyone who has the gall to make me angry…well, I just wish they wouldn't. I don't like feel murderous if I don't have to be."

"Murderous?"

"I truly hate him, Carlisle. If I become a vampire and I see Edward again, no offense, but I will tear his body to shreds with my bare hands and burn the pieces. I hate him completely for what he did to me, to forks, to my dad, to his family, and to you. In my opinion, he doesn't deserve my grace. And I won't give any."

Carlisle nodded his head. "Your father said something close to that. But coming from you, it's a whole different scenario. And that's understandable considering what he put you through. That's another reason you're here. To work on you're anger. I know that you don't let things out as much as you should. And I would like to help you with that."

"I'd actually kind of like that. I need help. But how can we work on _all_ of this? It's so much."

"How about we just take this all one step at a time?"

I smiled. "I like that."

"Me too."

"Hey Carlisle, do you like blonde jokes?"

He was straight faced for a moment, than he burst out laughing as I heard my name called in a sing song voice by the most hyper pixie on the face of this earth.

"Oh Bella!"

I moaned. Alice.

"Oh Bella, time to talk!"

I held back a groan.

"You don't mind if I talk to Bella for a moment, _do_ you Carlisle?"

"Not at all. Just bring her back in one piece please. And preferably with her ears in the same state they are now. I don't wish for them to fall off."

She rolled her eyes and pulled me out of the store while I laughed. Carlisle really did have a great sense of humor.

We walked all the way across the mall, and once we were far enough away, Alice asked "Do you feel any pressure in your head Bella?"

"Pressure?" I thought about it. "No. I feel normal. Why? Am I going to get a headache soon?"

"No. Nothing like that. I just thought that Carlisle might be listening. Geesh. You get rid of one mind reader and you gain another. That would figure."

I laughed. She was actually right.

"So Bella, I love your idea about the 'test dates'. That's an excellent beginning. I'll make sure the guys don't try to prep Carlisle."

I was confused. "Why would they do that?"

"Because usually, in the beginning, we all give each other advice. However, if they give him advice, I see your date ending disastrously. You are Carlisle are different from us and from other couples or potential couples. Your tastes are different and you have to date by those tastes. What Emmett was going to suggest-"

"I don't want to hear it. La, la, la, la, la."

Alice's bubbly laugh filled my thinking space. "You are so silly Bella!"

"I still don't want to hear it."

"Believe me, I kinda wish I hadn't."

"So, basically, your advice is just to go with the flow?"

"Exactly. If you just talk, relax, and be yourselves, your first test date will be an extreme success."

I was happy to know that things would go so well. Sometimes having a psychic pixie for a best friend was a great thing. And other times it annoyed me to no end.

"So where are we going now?"

"We won't be meeting with Carlisle for a bit. I have to buy you some dresses."

I groaned and stood in front of a mirror in the expensive store we'd walked into. It was here that she brought me dress after dress. But most of them didn't even make it on my body. I refused to wear them.

"Bella," Alice proclaimed exasperatedly, "how can I buy you a dress if you keep refusing them all?"

"Because I don't want to wear jewel tones." I blushed.

Alice was cautious. "What would you like to wear Bella?"

"Something peach, soft pink, light pink, or white. And maybe a brown. All of those are good colors on me. But I don't want to dress for the depressed."

Alice beamed and I'd never seen her so filled with pride. "I knew my fashion sense was starting to rub off on you. And I agree. Peach is definitely your color."

She went off in search of something peach. And instead of standing in front of the mirror like a "good girl", I went off in search of something to wear too. And I found it. My dream dress.

By the time I got back to Alice, she was relieved. She stared at what I had in my hand.

"What is that?"

"This, Alice, is my dream dress."

Her eyebrows lifted and she than smiled. "Try it on. Let me see."

And so I went into the dressing room. I felt thankful I didn't trip or bump my head. Instead, I just hefted the dress on over my head and tried put on my peach heels. Normally, I wouldn't wear any. But these were only one inch and the heels were square. So I wouldn't fall.

The skirt of the silky peach dress came to rest just above my knees and the sheer material came just below it. The dress had a U-neckline that didn't swoop too low. And it had sleeves that came off of it that ended around the middle of my upper arms, the sheer flowed around them. In the front, the dress had a silky belt that was fitted around my hips and tied in a little sowed in bow in front. All in all, the dress was pretty and modest, yet fashionable. And I adored it.

"Alice, what do you think?"

I waited patiently for her to come back from her vision and when she did, she smiled. "You will knock him dead with that outfit Bella."

"That might be a little hard, considering that he's already dead and that I couldn't knock him over as he has the mass of a boulder."

Alice laughed lightly and had me try on a few more dresses. None like my favorite, but nice none the less. And than, we were on our way back to Carlisle.

**A/N Alright. I only require one review. I'm sorry these chapters have been so late in coming. But don't worry! I'm trying to catch up. :)**


	14. The First Date

**A/N Yes, I'm still working on this story. I've been SUPER busy lately. But because of that business, I've got a solo in choir (my second one), I'm getting exactly what I want for my birthday, I'm losing weight, and I'm making an 87 in algebra 2. Who would have guessed? But I want to tell you all that I am nowhere near finished with this story and that I'm doing the best I can with everything that's going on.**

We met up with Carlisle at a mens clothing store where he held a few bags in his hand. And we all walked towards the food court.

Alice had a few things to pick up at a couple of stores. So she said she was disappearing for a while. I was thankful for the time alone with Carlisle. And I also had a sneaking suspiscion that she disappeared to give us that time. Alice truly was wonderful.

I looked at all the options the food court gave us. The panda buffet, dairy queen, subway, cookies and cakes, and icecream dots. But what caught my attention was the Chilli's right by the food court and my stomach snarled. I blushed, feeling embarrassed that Carlisle could hear it.

But instead of embarrassing me like Emmett, he placed his arm around my shoulders and said "What looks good to you?"

I was sheepish when I responded. "Chili's?" I almost cringed. It was much more expensive than I was used to.

"Chili's it is than." He gently kissed the top of my head and I blushed, walking closer to him.

We walked side by side and I looped my arm through his. It was slightly uncomfortable as I'd never touched Carlisle in this way before. But Carlisle simply pulled me closer to his side and kept walking with me. So the fact that he didn't mind made it slightly less uncomfortable, for which I was grateful.

We went into the space reserved for the restaurant and found a booth at the back, which we both sat at without question. We both preferred our privacy.

Almost immediately, a waitress came to take our order. But just as the last one had with Edward, this waitress ignored me as well. She instead, directed her inquiries to Carlisle, which were laced with innuendos. "What can I get cha hon?"

I felt like ripping her head off. Stupid waitress. Couldn't she see that me and Carlisle were on a semi-date? I smiled wickedly. If she could be a bitch, I could too.

"I'll take a diet coke with no ice. And we're ready to order. I'll take the ribs with half the rack of the honey bar b que sauce and the other half rack original. As for the sides, I'll take some mashed potatoes and okra. Oh, and could you bring out some A1 steak sauce please?"

She blinked, truly seeing me for the first time. "Sure."

The waitress's face was one of confusion as she walked away. She hadn't expected that from me because I didn't look like I'd put up a fight when I walked in. So she was no doubt surprised by my tone and straightforwardness when I butted in and "demanded" more than requested what I was going to eat.

I blushed, feeling like I'd been rude. But she had it coming. And on the upside, she wasn't flirting with Carlisle any longer. She knew I was telling her he was taken. That made my respect for the waitress go up a notch. Maybe she had thought we were only friends.

Rudeness, I couldn't forgive. A mistake, I could.

The waitress turned to Carlisle. "And sir, what can I get cha?"

"Oh, nothing for me. I'm not hungry."

"Well let me know if you change your mind. And I'll be out with your ribs in a moment miss."

I smiled at her. "Thank you." I felt like laughing at her relived expression and a small chuckle escaped my lips. Surely she must have thought I was bi-polar. But something else hit me that was even funnier, and I broke out in laughs.

"Bella? Is something funny?"

"I just thought it was funny that she said she would be out with my ribs in a moment. I honestly hope not because that would be very odd. Not to mention painful."

Carlisle laughed jovially. "Very odd indeed. I disagree how Edward behaved with and around you. But I agree on one thing with him. You do have a very interesting mind."

I blushed. Was I ever going to stop? Honestly, I put brides to shame.

Me and Carlisle sat in silence for a moment and the waitress brought me my diet coke to which I replied with a quick thank you before she left. Carlisle lifted an eyebrow.

"What?"

"I'm rather surprised you like our waitress. I expected you to dislike her from the way you acted at first."

"At first, I didn't like her. But I liked her alright when she noticed you weren't alone."

I was glad about the way I'd said that. There were many ways it could be taken. And it was true. He _wasn't _alone.

Carlisle seemed to capture the true meaning behind my double hinted sentence and laughed quietly.

"There is no reason to be jealous. You are the only one that captures my heart."

I didn't know if it was too early for us to be making declarative statements like that. I'd known him for over a year. And though I knew him pretty well, I still didn't know if it was time yet. So I smiled happily at Carlisle but said nothing, he smiled back.

"Well, if she flirts with you again, I'll accidentally spill my coke on her." I mumbled.

He chuckled. "Oh Bella, my little lioness cub."

"You thought I was joking?"

We smiled for a moment and ended up laughing before Carlisle responded. "No, I think it's safe to believe you. So Bella, you never fully explained to me why you hated shopping. Other than a few absurd things. Are there any other reasons?"

I sighed. "Well, it was mostly because I always felt like I was wasting my time and Alice's. We never actually truly bought anything that fit my style. So I always thought the effort was wasted. But today, I looked in the mirror and I just…I don't know. I guess I saw myself differently. I knew what I liked and what I wanted. And in knowing so, I found the most beautiful dress. I actually had fun."

Carlisle smiled happily. "I'm glad you are able to enjoy yourself, Bella. That's always important because everyone needs time off." He added in a lower voice. "Even vampires."

I was utterly confused by that statement. "I thought vampires couldn't get tired?"

He smirked, seeing my confusion. "We can't. However, we need a break from doing the same thing everyday. Even for a vampire, that can get tiresome."

I nodded, understanding better. I remembered the bags I saw in Carlisle's hands and found those same bags by Carlisles feet just as the waitress brought me my rack of ribs. I than realized that Carlisle had gone shopping too. He couldn't have possibly picked up the cute outfit I'd hoped he would wear? That wouldn't be good. I wanted to surprise him.

I blushed as I thought of his perfectly sculpted body hidden behind the table and popped one of "my" ribs in my mouth and began to knaw off the meat.

While I was eating, me and Carlisle kept up interval conversation between my chewing and sipping.

I learned that his favorite color was gold and that, in the summer and spring, his favorite colors were light as in sky blue, peach, pink, and other light colors. But other than gold, he liked the colors dark purple and dark red. He liked violin music and all forms of classical music. But secretly, he liked the 90's rock as much as I did. One of his favorite 90's bands was Alice in Chains, which shocked me to smiling. He wasn't a fan of sports but if he had to choose one he liked badmitton. He enjoyed being a doctor more than anything because he liked to help people. But his favorite hobby was painting. And I learned that most of the pictures up on his walls, he painted himself.

We were just getting into the topic of religion when Alice came around.

"Carlisle, I have to separate you from Bella one last time. You can come with us and wait outside the store if you want. Or you can go somewhere else. But if you come with us, you are NOT allowed to peek. And I will know if you do."

"I promise you that I wont."

"I think I can trust you a bit more than my brothers."

He smirked right back. "I'd hope so."

Alice disappeared _again_ and let me finish my ribs. I was surprised she was even letting me _breathe_ right now, as serious as she was about shopping.

And sure enough, the moment I had finished my ribs she was there to pick me up. However, at that moment, I was thankful Carlisle was Alice's father.

"Alice, this may be your shopping trip with Bella. But this is also my first date with her. And though I can't necessarily eat with Bella without turning her, I should at least continue the customary tradition of desert that normally goes along with a dinner date."

Alice scowled but sighed, relenting.

"Fine. But only because you're the best dad in the world."

And she left, taking her scowling pixy face with her.

And I mumbled. "You'd think it was that girls period all year."

Carlisle started laughing. I hadn't meant for him to hear that! But he calmed me and distracted me by asking, "Do you know what store Alice is taking you to next?"

I rolled my eyes. "No. I bet there's a reason you're not allowed inside though. It's probably jewelry for our next date. Or shoes. Or more clothes."

He laughed. "Apparently, you know the exact definition of shopping with Alice."

"Yeah, but I still think she takes "shop till you drop" to a bit of an extreme."

He laughed and before we knew it, we were surrounded by a bouncing vampire shopping cart. I'd never seen someone so loaded with bags. Carlisle rolled his eyes and walked over to the mall carts and loaded up her "treasures" as she called them. I called them monstrosities.

We walked around the mall, my hand and Carlisle's intertwined as his other hand pushed the monstrosity cart. And I shivered slightly.

The feeling of his cold skin on mine was pure torture, because just as I was beginning to think of how beautiful that cold skin would feel on other various overheated places, Alice would always bounce in with some comment.

I swore the next time she did it I would rip off her head. I really was starting to enjoy some of my dirtier fantasies.

Including one with a nurses oufit, a private exam, and a vibrator…

"We're here!"

I wanted to rip her head off. But I knew that patience was a virtue.

"Gap?"

"Yes. This is perfect for the outfit you are looking for. Carlisle, stay outside. And no peeking."

I was shocked when Alice grabbed my hand and Carlisle yanked me back from her, growling. Alice was frozen, staring at Carlisle as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Mine, Bella Swan."

"Always and forever. But I really do have to go."

A grown rumbled in his chest again. What was with him?

I put on my softest best pleading voice. "Please Carlisle? Please let me go? Please give me what I want?"

His tone was dark, which surprised me. "And what is it that you want Bella Swan?"

I was confused. Was there something I was supposed to want? "To go shopping with Alice?"

He sighed, but let me go. I looked back at him curiously before I entered the store. And Alice took me to the very back.

"Bella, you are not dating Edward anymore. Your mind is no longer silent."

"Ok?"

"Bella! Carlisle can read your mind!"

"Oh, I know. I gave him permission to."

"Bella, I really don't want to spoil your innocence, but when Carlisle starts visionizing planned trips to the hospital to perform your kinks, that's when I have to step in. Because that is NOT something I want to see. I also don't want to see him fired!"

"You would have seen it anyway. You're attuned to me."

"Maybe so. But than again, maybe not."

"You know you would have."

She sighed. "That's not the point. When it's one fantasy, that's one thing. But when your fantasy turns into his fantasy, that's when I have to step in."

I blinked. Carlisle was fantazing about me? I was suddenly VERY curious about what exactly he had been thinking. I actually hoped it was as lude as the thoughts Emmett allowed to roll off his tongue. Actually, I hoped it was more lewd.

"Not only that but he is a vampire with very strong and powerful needs. He would have taken you there immediately and-Bella!"

I blinked once. Twice. "Carlisle had heard me?"

"Ugh. Not only heard you, he started making plans. That time AND this one. Seriously, the next time you wanna put your mind in the gutter, please don't do it around me. I started getting visions of him playing "doctor". That was _really_ a vision I could have done without."

I started laughing. "Wow. So he can read my mind."

"It's always the quiet ones," I heard Alice mumble. Which only made me laugh harder.

**A/N Yes, I actually like to pour A1 steak sauce on my mashed potatoes when I go to chili's. I think it tastes good. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed that chapter.**


	15. Shopping with my favorite psycho

**A/N Hey everyone. Thank you so much to all those who reviewed! You guys made my day! So here's chapter fifteen. I hope you enjoy it! To see the outfit Bella picked out for Carlisle, you can paste the links on my profile into your browser.**

"So Alice, of all the stores you could have taken me to, why Gap?"

"Because Bella, this is the only store that has what you are looking for." She spoke as though it were obvious. And maybe it was. But how was I to know with my limited amount of shopping experience?

Than Alice exploded. "Bella! We have to hurry! We have to find the perfect outfit for Carlisle in the right shade, size, and style and we've only got five hours to do it because that's when the mall closes!"

"But Alice, you're a vampire. You don't have to worry about time."_ And when you go psycho you always move faster, so that ought to speed things up._

"Yes but that takes all the fun out of it."

_Fun?_

"But whatever speed I have will count for nothing if we don't hurry. Now come ON."

I rolled my eyes and hurried along slightly faster as we continued our trek through to the back of the store and I knew that by the time I got there, I would feel like I had jogged a mile. As it was, a couple of shoppers had laughed a little at me and Alice. And when we walked by mirrors, I could see why. It looked like we were power walking. And to be honest, if I had breath to waste, I'd be laughing too.

It occured to me that I had walked at least half a mile almost running, and I was shocked I didn't break a leg. Than again, there _was_ a doctor standing right outside this store. So that gave me confidence. It also wouldn't be so bad because it was _him_. I tried not to fall back into my fantasy.

Me and Alice continued moving and while "walking" with Alice, I realized that shopping was good for realizing things. Because I suddenly realized that running, panting and trying to catch my breath all at the same time was impossible. I also noticed that huge stores made my feet hurt, _badly._

And I'd already noticed this Gap store was a bit bigger than others I'd been in. And I was shocked when I found it was even _bigger_ the inside. But than again, this was a _huge_ mall. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the stores were just as huge. And I guess in a way, my aching feet had been expecting it. But I still felt like groaning all the same when my rupturing lungs felt like they were being punctured by my ribs and my feet felt like they were gonna pop.

Finally, we arrived. I could tell because Alice stopped running. But than she moved right. I moved with her, though in truth all I wanted to do was bend over and catch my breath. But according to Alice, there was no time to breathe.

Finally, she stopped again and I called out. "Stop."

"Bella, what are you doing?"

"I'm...human. We can't...all be vampires...just give me a second."

Alice scoffed. "Honestly Bella, you can't really be tired already?"

I breathed in deep and winced. The pain was definitely there and I tried my hardest not to wince. I noticed Alice had become worried when I didn't get better after a few minutes. "Bella?"

I breathed in deep and refused to wince once again, though my sides still throbbed. I was sure the stitch in my side would go away.

Her tone was full of worry. "Bella, do you need to sit down?"

"No. I think I'm good. I just had to catch my breath."

"Ok Bella. If you're sure..." she looked at me uncertainly and I nodded my head. Once she ascertained I was ok, she was back to full shopping mode. "Here is where the denims are. You look from this half to the right and I'll take the otherside."

I mumbled. "Aren't you going to say break?"

"I heard that Bella."

_Psycho pixy._

I turned around, letting Alice think she had won. But inside, I was thankful for her help. If I were by myself, I probably would have spent those five hours looking through rows and rows of the denim jackets alone. So I was grateful that goddess shopper Alice was willing to help. Besides, with my lack of know how in this area, I needed someone who knew where to look.

I started with the nearest rack and began to search, thinking about what Carlisle would look good in. Pale blue would only make him look more like a doctor wearing scrubs. And though dark blue would make him look paler, he looks good pale. Yes, maybe I'll just go with a dark blue.

With that decision made, the number of racks I had to search slimmed down some, for which I was grateful. I counted ten racks that held the correct shade of dark denim blue that I was looking for and dug in.

In the ten racks, I found about three that were close to what I was looking for. But the first one had didn't have enough buttons and it was a zip up. The second one had side pockets. And the third one had the cuffs flaring out slightly. I was getting exasperated because I couldn't find any denim jackets other than those three. I felt the odd urge to kick something and tears stung my eyes. I remembered this was still my "time. Stupid female hormones.

I really was just ready to sit down and give up. My feet hurt, my back ached, I had a headache, and I had SSS. Stressful Shopping Syndrome. If I couldn't find what I was looking for now, than I knew that outfit was never going to be found. I saw a bench near the back of the store where I could wait for Alice to come and help me. But before I could get there, tears of anger blinded my sight and I ran right into a shelf with jackets, getting the wind knocked out of me as the top shelf hit me in the chest. And when my eyes opened, there it was. I saw my perfect vision come to life and was saved from more angry tears, an even worse back, useless feet, a migraine, and SSS. But even if I _did_ have to go through all that, this was so definitely worth the pain!

Because after searching for an hour and a half, I'd found the dark blue denim button up jacket with two front pockets and brownish pale bronze buttons holding the top flaps in place. I checked the cuffs, which didn't flare out to my relief, and they had the same color buttons on them. I looked at the form and saw that it was just tight enough to accentuate Carlisle's muscles but was loose enough to allow him his modesty, which I knew he felt he needed. It was a plus to me that it was the perfect size, a large.

It took me fifteen minutes to figure out where all the other jackets went, but it was worth it. I'd found the one I was looking for.

I was so excited that I didn't stop to think and I ran straight for Alice, feeling energized. I just _had_ to know what she'd found! And for once, I didn't care about the people looking at me as I ran like a kid in a candy store.

And sure enough, I found Alice. In fact, I bumped right into her!

She steadied me and smiled. "I found a whole bunch of jeans that would go with the jackets you chose."

I figured she would choose according to what she "saw" me choose while I was doing the actual shopping. But I hoped she'd seen the last one. "Hey Alice, I got another Jacket at the last and decided on that one."

"Oh, let me see." Ok. So apparently, she hadn't seen it. Great. MORE shopping. I gave her the jacket, which she held up for inspection, smiling.

"Very nice. I saw this in my vision but I wasn't sure if you liked the other ones better or if you were just looking for this one and chose the others because they seemed close. So I thought it was best to be prepared. But since you don't need the light colored, faded, or grey washed jeans, I'll take them back to the racks and come back with the jeans you _actually _need. While I do that, you can hang out with Carlisle. But only for a little bit. I'll text you when I need you. And if you don't come back, I will come out there and drag you in here myself. Oh, and I'll take that. We just CAN'T let Carlisle know what he's getting! Now shoo!"

I laughed at how quickly Alice was talking and at how I could barely understand her. I really did love her spunky personality. She was always so bright!

When I left her, I decided to look around a little bit more, hoping to find something else suitable for Carlisle. And sure enough, I found some perfect black tennis shoes that would probably fit them. They matched the clothes perfectly. And than I gasped. One seconds I was looking at them. The next second they had dissappeared right into Alice's cart.

"I'll take that. Now go before you steal anymore of my bright ideas."

Ibeamed, laughed, and just gave up and was on my way to see Carlisle.

But the closer I got to him, the worse I felt. I needed to be near him. It hurt when I wasn't. So I walked faster towards the front, hoping to get there soooner. And before I knew it I was nearing the front. But where was Carlisle? I couldn't see him when I immediately walked out of the store and he wasn't waiting where we had left him. Where had he gone? He hadn't changed his mind and decided to go shopping somewhere else, did he? No, Alice would have seen his descision. So where was-

"Eeek!"

I felt two pairs of strong cold arms wrap around me and he whispered in my ear "For the sake of looking human, I had to move. Some of the others around us were starting to get nervous of me. So I moved to the chairs over there."

As soon as I realized it was him, I was overcome with a joy so strong that it burst into a thousand stars as my heart imploded and burst forth with such a deep happiness that I suprised myself. I threw myself around in his arms and held him close to me, never ever wanting to let him go. Because as much as I loved shopping for him, and letting him see himself the way I saw him, I loved being with him even more. I'd missed him so much in the thirty minutes we'd been apart that it felt my heart would implode from the intensity of my emotions. It felt so good to be in his arms.

But I than realized just what I had done and my heart rate escalted. Why had I done that? Me and Carlisle had barely been on one date and now I was acting like I'd known him all my life? What was wrong with me? Did I have to ruin _everything_ I touched. But as my heart rate escalted, I noticed Carlisle tightened his arms around me and pet my hair. Did he mind?

When he pulled away, I saw sheer joy in his eyes and was shocked. He had actually _liked _the fact that I previously tried to strangle him. But maybe he didn't notice how much strength I was exerting and mistook it for a normal hug. After all, he _was_ a super strong vampire. I hoped he wouldn't be able to tell.

"Oh my Bella." He ran his cold hand through the locks of my hair and pressed his soft, cool lips to my forehead.

"I'm happy to see you."

"I can tell."

Or maybe he _could_ tell. Did he mind? Carlisle pulled me closer and than...I remembered. And smacked him in the arm playfully.

"Are you reading my mind?" I smirked, to which he replied.

"I wouldn't possibly know what absurd notion is running through that little mind of yours that would lead you to such a conclusion."

He was so serious for a moment that I actually believed him, until he broke out laughing, breaking his own spell.

"That is _so_ not funny."

"If it's not funny than why are you beaming, Bella mia?"

I sighed and laid my head against his chest. "Because it was funny."

I could feel his smile against my hair and we stayed there for a moment in eachothers embrace. And it hit me than that he had given me a pet name. I blushed lightly. That was nice until-

"Bella!"

_Not the insane shopping pixy!_ _I wanted to stay with Carlisle! Maybe I could get Carlisle to fight her to keep me here._

"You said you would go with me, Bella."

"No, you said you would drag me back if I didn't. I never _agreed_ to anything."

"Maybe not, but you don't get a choice." She was smiling as she spoke but Carilsle growled.

Carlisle's growl was low. "She _always_ get's a choice."

"But Carlisle, if she doesn't come back with me, we'll never get the outfit we came for."

He sighed. "Bella?"

"Oh! Ya know what? Alice is right. I need to go with her right now!"

He was shocked that I seemed to agree and than smiled. "I will either be waiting to the left of the entrance or in the last chair on the front row of massage chairs.

"Ok." I beamed and took off with Alice again. I was starting to agree with her, _maybe _shopping was fun. Maybe not the kind of fun she took it too, but when shopping for someone else, I was starting to think it could be sort of fun!

Me and Alice wakled to the dressing room and she stopped me before we walked in.

"Ok. I got everything I thought you would need. It's not as much as I would like-"

"That's a good thing."

"-but I guess we'll have to make due," she continued as though she hadn't heard me.

When we walked into the dressing room I gasped and Alice was practically bouncing. In her eyes, this was heaven. In my eyes, I REALLY needed some caffeine if she expected me to climb jean mountain.

Now looking back on it, I was shocked Alice didn't just run right up to me at vampire speed and start speed talking about all she'd found.

But Alice faded when I saw the mountain of clothes behind her.

She had several pairs of jeans in several different styles that all seemed nice when you looked at them seperate. To me, it was just a big pile of hurting feet and headaches. And yet...I felt strangely excited to be buying these at the same time. I mean, I wasn't buying for me. I was buying for Carlisle. And that was enough to make a world of difference. I could only hope he would like it. I already knew that I would.

"Ok Bella. I didn't know what style you wanted so I went and got everything I could find. Tell me what you're looking for."

I was nervous at first as I looked at how tiny Alice looked next to what I'd termed as "jean mountain". I mean, she actually said she hadn't found _enough!_ She had to be insane. A small, bubbly, hyper, psycho pixy. I was exasperated until I looked closer at the pile. I shook my head and smiled.

"Alice, can you take out all of the one's with fades in them and hang them up?"

She did as I asked and the pile got smaller.

"Now all the one's with holes in them."

She again did as I asked.

"Now the one's that are basically skinny jeans."

She sighed. "But Bella!"

"No buts! Literally. I think Carlisle would be very uncomfortable if he were...um...cupped?"

She broke out laughing. And for a moment, it reminded me of Emmett. But at least she wasn't guffawing...yet.

"Ok Bella. Anything else you need me to take out?"

"I only need the pants with the bronze button."

She took out several and put them all back, standing by my side in about two minutes.

"How are you _doing_ that?"

"If I move fast enough the humans won't see. Plus, I've been in this store often enough to where I will know where everything is. That's what I was doing when you were on your date with Carlisle. I was pre-shopping. The fact that you chose what I originally saw only made things slightly harder."

I nodded and looked at the jeans left. I didn't like the stitching on the first one. I didn't want too much gold and definetly not on the sides of the legs. The second one I didn't like because it had no front or back pockets and it was too skinny. Coming around to the third one, I found it. The perfect jeans.

"This is it." I held them up for Alice's attention and she nodded, smiling. "I thought you might choose those."

I nodded. "Well Bella, it looks like we have everything we need. I can't believe I'm saying this after only fourty five minutes. But Bella, we're done."

"Ok. So we're ready to check out. She picked up all the jeans in her hands. "I'll put all these back and beat you to the front."

"I would say in your dreams but that would be pointless since you're a vampire and you'll beat me anyway."

We laughed and she was off.

I may not have liked shopping for myself, but I finally realized how Alice felt when she went shopping for someone else. It was an exciting thing because that person was relying on you to make them look good. And I more than definitely had an idea that would make him look good. I could only hope he would like it.

As I passed the leather jackets on my way back, I shook my head, thankful I hadn't tried to imagine Carlisle in THAT. It didn't suit him. It was like trying to put a cowboy in a suit. Or a redneck woman in a frilly pink princess dress. It just didn't go together.

"That's twenty five dollars please."

I wondered why everything was so cheap, sure it would cost more and Alice said, "I got them off the cheap racks."

"Good, because I'M paying for this."

"I know. I was going to let you anyway. This is your gift for him. Not mine."

We smiled, and I was happy. I could finally understand at last why she never let me pay. Maybe I could be a little more thankful in the future now that I knew.

We walked out to meet Carlisle after his clothes were put in the shopping bag, and we went to the car immediately; smiling, joking, and singing off tune with the radio. He held my hand all the way home.

**A/N I hope you liked that chapter! And I promise there will be more to come! Please leave your reviews and tell me what you guys thought! And if you do, I will give you cookies! (Come to the dark side, we have cookies.)**


	16. In Caring Hands

When I woke up the day after shopping with Alice, I woke up to find myself embraced in Carlisle's lovingly gentle arms. I laid still for a moment as I appreciated the sweet peppermint scent that radiated from each inhale and exhale his body made. I snuggled up closer to the cooler body and moaned slightly. My limbs hurt. But maybe if I laid still enough, maybe I could forget the pain completely…

"Oh Bella! Ready or not, here I come!"

I moaned at Alice's sing song voice because I knew that voice could only mean one of two things. One, I was going shopping. Two, I was getting a makeover. And neither option seemed good to me at this moment. After all, I'd just woken up! Barely!

"Go away pixie," I grumbled groggily.

Carlisle's comforting arms snaked around my torso tighter, caging me from Alice. But if there's one thing I know, Alice always gets what she wants.

It was on this train of thought that I was ripped away from Carlisle and made to stand upright. I heard a high pitched voice ringing in my pain filled ears."C'mon. Now that you're awake, we need to get you ready. I don't have all day. And neither do you. C'mon missy."

And than the uninvited intruder made me walk with sore aching legs to endure the worst torture when I was half asleep, hadn't had coffee, hadn't had breakfast, and hadn't even woke up yet. I scowled all the way down the hall.

And she had the gall to pout! "Oh Bella, stop being such a sour puss! I'm doing you a favor so the least you could do is be grateful and smile." She grinned, obviously pleased with what she thought was a good joke. But if I had thought for a moment that she was serious, I would have strangled her.

Normally, I didn't have such violent tendencies towards Alice. But right now, I REALLY wanted to kill her. With my condition being her fault, she had no right to demand that I smile. Than again, she also had no right to force me into the shower with two cold hands pushing on the small of my back. I never had a choice. I sighed as I began to clean up briskly, feeling stiff.

Every movement caused me pain. But if I moved any slower, I wouldn't make the five minutes that Alice had allotted for me to wash my hair, and body, brush my teeth, put a robe on, and get out.I stepped quickly out of the shower, slipping on the tile floor. And that was when I heard a resounding distinct crack. I winced. What had I broken now?

Before I could blink, Carlisle was by my side taking a once over of my naked body for the injury. I froze in shock and gasped, unfrozen, when he touched my bare leg and began to touch it with soothing hands. Though cold, I still felt the pain.

"Nothing seems to be broken or sprained but you might have pulled a muscle. What was the rush to get out of the shower?"

Carlisle handed me a long towel to cover myself up with and looked at me for a long moment as I sat, still frozen on the floor.

Finally, I stood up. Or at least I tried to. But the pain in my leg made me sit right back down, naked, on the white tile of the bathroom floor with my definite prospective boyfriend standing over me. I blushed deeply.

_Kill me. Send me to the seventh level of hell. Bury me twenty feet under the ground. But please oh please let me be anywhere but here. Let this be a really bad dream._But when I opened my eyes he was still there holding the towel and looking worriedly at me.

"Bella?"

His voice was soft and kind. He would take care of me like he had before. I knew he would. I just had to trust him.

I breathed in deep.

"Um, Carlisle, I can't get up."

I winced at the sound of my timid voice, feeling annoyed at my lack of bravery. But Carlisle seemed to understand. He wrapped me up in the towel himself and looked me in the eye.

"Would you like me to take you back to our bedroom?"

"Yes," I barely whispered. The fact that he used the word "our" bedroom wasn't lost on me. Maybe he had accepted me more quickly than I'd accepted him? I had to make an effort to try picked me up off the floor as gently as he could, carrying me back to "our" room. I still whimpered. My legs, arms, and body were sore this morning and now even more so from over use. When he opened the door, Alice stood there, smirking. I was shocked when I heard Carlisle him growl furiously at Alice.

It was a dangerous warning meant to inspire fear in a normal human. I was far from normal however. A chill ran up my spine. I couldn't remember the last time Carlisle had growled. In fact, I couldn't remember a time I'd ever heard him growl. But I definitely wanted to hear it again and again.

I paid close attention to the tension between Carlisle and Alice. But instead of starting anything, he simply walked past the smirking girl. I was confused. What was it exactly that she'd done?

When we got to his bedroom, he opened the door with one hand and walked through, closing the door shut softly with his foot. He walked over to the bed and laid me down in the center, making sure I was comfortable.

Then, he went into his closet and brought out an article of clothing that horrified me. It was a skirt that barely came to the top of my thigh. He would see everything!

He came over to the bed, snapping the buttons on the side of the skirt together."I know that you don't normally like clothes like this. But I need to be able to look at your leg to see that there won't be any swelling. And if there is, I'll need to have access to your leg to fix it. Is that ok?"

I nodded, mumbling. "Yeah. It's better than something zip up."

"Bella"

I looked up at the sound of Carlisle soft pleading voice and was stunned by the deep adoring look in his lovely golden eyes.

"Bella, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I love you and I want to help you in whatever way I can. If it will make you feel any better, I will try not to look at you too much."

I cringed. "No." I wouldn't be able to bare it if Carlisle felt he had to turn away from me. As embarrassed as I was, at least I knew he was looking at me and not complaining.

He nodded his head once and stood from the bed. "I'll be right back."He left the room and I was left alone with my embarrassed thoughts for several minutes until I grabbed the Wuthering Heights book from the beside table and began to read, looking for a distraction. But I was distracted from reading pretty quickly when I inhaled and drew in the most tantalizing breath I'd ever inhaled. What was Carlisle cooking?

The curiosity was killing me. But unfortunately, I couldn't move from the bed. So I was forced to keep inhaling the delicious aroma for five more minutes until I heard the click of the door and Carlisle came in, once again, carrying a tray just like he did for me the first time I spent the night in our bed.

"Alice was planning on torturing you but I just explained to her the difference between girl time and torture. Besides, you aren't supposed to starve your guests."

He put down the silver tray of food and I noticed he used the one that had the legs on it so it wouldn't rest on my sore ones. How did I get so lucky? Why couldn't I just be with him the way he was already with me?

I sighed and he unveiled the silver lid of the tray of delectable smelling food. I gasped for two reasons. One, Carlisle's sweet soft silky voice had whispered all of this directly in my ear, causing delectable shivers to repeatedly run down my spine. I shivered in , the food was gourmet.

It was vanilla ice cream on home cooked blueberry and chocolate waffles topped with caramel sauce and a small amount of cinnamon with a peppermint leaf on the side. My stomach pinched again. It looked like the kind of food you saw in a chef's kitchen but never really got the chance to eat.

"I know you must be very hungry and tired. That shopping trip wore you out yesterday. So after you eat, I hope you'll get some sleep."

I didn't want to sleep. I knew that if I did, Carlisle would leave. But if he didn't leave, he would be bored. I was decided on trying harder on our relationship. And trying harder meant making things easier for Carlisle. I nodded my head, not asking him to stay as I usually did, happy that he was happy. I nodded my head.

Than I dug in.I moaned as the different tastes swirled around in my mouth. It tasted better than it looked. How is it that a vampire who can't eat human food can cook the most delectable of dishes?

As I continued to eat, Carlisle sat beside me, eyes pouring over a book that looked awfully familiar. When he turned the page, I saw why. Up at the top in small letters on the left page were the words "Wuthering Heights".

"That's one of my favorite books."

"I know. That's why I'm reading it. I've read it before but I'm trying to imagine what captures you so much about this story. So I'm reading it from your point of view."

"Oh. Well, I like it because of the characters deep love for each other. It's basically played as their only redeeming quality but I truly believe love is the most redeeming quality in a person and can overshadow anything else."Carlisle smiled softly. "That is a very good point, Bella. I agree completely."

We smiled at each other for a moment and than went back to eating and reading. We didn't talk much. But we didn't need to. We weren't the type of people who felt the need to break a comfortable silence.

When my food was done, I felt awfully tired and I smiled at Carlisle. Carlisle, the man who cooked me breakfast and made me feel right at home. Carlisle, the man who saved me from a psycho pixy and made me feel comfortable in my own skin. Carlisle, the man who worked his hardest to provide every living thing the best care possible, including me. Carlisle, the true picture of all that was good in this world.

I lifted my hand to his cheek and stroked it lightly. "I love you."

He seemed shocked by my words at first. But they were true. And I meant them. He smiled and a deep heartwarming smile touched his golden eyes. "I love you too, Bella."I felt his cool body snuggled warmly against mine under the covers and I smiled as his lips lingered upon my forehead. I fell into a very peaceful sleep.

**A/N It's only 2,056 words. Less than I would have liked. I was aiming for 3,000 at the least. But hopefully you will still enjoy this anyway. :) And I'm sorry for taking so long to update. Forgive me? If you do, leave me a review!**


	17. A Labor of Love

When my eyes opened, I had a much better waking than I'd had the first time I woke up today. I turned my well supported neck to look at the clock that read three pm. And I stretched but winced immediately. My muscles were still sore. Carlisle seemed to notice.

"You're still in pain?"

I shrugged. "I'll get over it. There's nothing I can do except wait it out."

"Wait for one moment."

Carlisle got out from underneath the covers and disappeared into his bathroom. When he came out, he had mineral ice in his hand.

"Bella, I know a lot about sore muscles-"

"Because you're a doctor."

"-and I'd like to help you-"

"Because you're a doctor."

"-get well."

"Also something that doctors do. You really do live up to your reputation _Dr._ Cullen."

He threw his head back and laughed, his golden eyes brightly beaming. "Oh Bella." He shook his head as he came towards me, carrying the mineral ice. He grabbed a steaming cup off his dresser and placed it in my hand as he sat down on "my side" of the bed with me.

"I figured you would want coffee. You didn't get it this morning."

"I would love some coffee!" I beamed as he placed the cup in my hand and drank greedily and willing from the delicious cup. I sighed deeply as I felt the warm caffeine filled beverage hit my thirsty throat. He really _was_ the most thoughtful-

My thoughts froze as I saw the insignia on the cup.

"Carlisle, is this Starbucks?"

"Yes."

"But there isn't a Starbucks in forks. There's one in Seattle but-Oh my gosh! You went to Seattle just to get me Coffee?"

My mouth must have fallen to the floor. He knew I loved Starbucks Coffee. I actually think I'd mentioned it was my favorite before when we were all at the table and the Cullens were asking me what I liked to eat.

But to go all the way to Seattle just to get me a Cinnamon Dolce Latte, wow.

"Did you wish I'd gotten something else?"

"No not at all! This is really good. Thank you." Of course, it was too much to do just for me. But it was so sweet! I drank in deeply from the styrofoam coffee cup, smiling as the warm coffee touched my lips and on my tongue, I tasted just a bit of hot chocolate added to the mixture. How did he know I didn't completely like coffee without hot chocolate? I'd never told him. Could it be Alice?

I finished the cup more quickly than I would have liked but enjoyed the aftersmell and the taste still lingering on my tongue. I settled into the bed smiling. "That was great Carlisle."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, Bella."

His hands went to my feet and began to squeeze and rub in alternating patterns and circles, patiently taking turns with each foot. I sighed in delight when I felt the tenseness leave my aching feet and looked at the blonde god who had done it.

He looked deeply into my eyes for the longest time, and he reached his hand slowly out towards my leg, mindlessly. I watched, transfixed, as his cool hand began to trace patterns on my leg. He seemed to be thinking deeply about something, as though in some kind of trance. I was sure he didn't even realize he was touching my leg. And than, he stopped and got out the mineral ice. I'd almost forgotten he was going to…he was going to…wait, what _was_ Carlisle going to do?

"Um, Carlisle…"

"Yes, Bella?"

"What are you doing again?"

He smiled kindly. "If you would like, I will work over your legs and help them heal better."

"Oh." Carlisle's perfectly cold hands, running up and down my legs, while I was wearing a skirt that barely concealed anything…

"I wouldn't mind." I _didn't_ mind. But I still blushed.

His pale cold fingers methodically screwed the cap off. I'd never realized how perfectly long Carlisle's fingers were. They weren't bony like Edwards. They weren't fat and huge like Emmets. They were healthily skinny and looked beautifully tapered. I wanted to kiss the fingers that hypnotized my eyes as they made the circular motion, screwing off the cap.

He gently dipped his fingers into the gel and placed his fingers on my leg. I didn't jump at the cold, already used to it by now. But the mineral ice felt odd. At first, it was cold. And he massaged it into the muscles of my skin, which started to heat up when he hands moved on.

He ran his beautiful fingers deeply over the back of my leg, over the front. To my thighs. And his hands came around the back, and I moaned. Not from desire, but from pain.

"Bella?"

I whimpered.

"Tell me what's wrong Bella."

"It hurts."

He pressed into the back of the middle of my thigh and I whimpered again. It was painful. This must be where the worst of the knots were. Note to Self: Remind me to "thank" Alice when I become immortal.

"This is going to hurt for a bit Bella. Do you wish me to continue?"

"Yes." I wanted this pain over and done with. Because yes, I would be in pain, but not for long. So what was the sense in being in pain for a couple of more days when I could just get it over with now?

He pressed his hands in deeply and I sucked in a breath, determined not to show any pain. And as he kept on massaging, I could feel my legs begin to loosen and I breathed much easier. And than, my legs were done.

I sighed, feeling relief when Carlisle cold smooth medicine covered miracle hands ran up my sides and too my back. He crawled up the bed to sit by my side while he massaged me. And I let him manipulate my body into the perfect position for him to massage, knowing that after the pain I had been in, I wasn't capable of doing it myself.

He lifted my shirt up to my shoulders and began to work my back over deeper. I hadn't realized it was in so much pain until he got to my lower back. I didn't scream. I didn't need to. Carlisle immediately felt the tenseness in my back and the way the muscles quivered and violently scrunched. And so, he worked over my lower back.

The pain was utterly immense at first. I felt like there were hands beating me and knives stabbing my spine. But I trusted that Carlisle knew what he was doing and sure enough, the overpowering pain began to dull slowly to an ache, and I could breathe again. But he still kept touching. Still kept massaging. And soon enough, the pain was completely gone.

I smiled at Carlisle as he turned me over. "Thank you. You didn't need to do that. But I'm glad you did."

"Anytime Bella. The last thing that I want is for you to be in pain."

I smiled and decided that I wanted to get up. I hadn't brushed my teeth since this morning and I'd just had coffee. And than I had too…

No. No, no, no. Oh this is bad.

I sat up in bed slowly and stared at the worst case of bed head I'd ever seen. I blinked once, I blinked twice. And than I felt like screaming. This was going to take forever to get out! Why did Alice have to DO this?

"Bella, let me help."

He wrapped me in a white fluffy robe and carried me into the restroom, starting the tub and keeping me in his arms until it was full. Than he carefully placed me in and slowly began to lower my head into the water. He was careful not to get me too waterlogged and not to have me move too much. After all, we didn't want his hard work to be wasted.

His hands ran through my hair, lathering shampoo into the clumped strands and he lowered me into the water. I smiled gently as I came up and he worked in conditioner to my hair. But this wasn't like any conditioner that I'd ever felt in my hair before. And I quickly began to feel the clumps disperse. What had Carlisle done?

My hair was washed under water one last time and as I rose up, something green caught my eye. When I was fully lifted, I was smiling. Because placed on my body was a green two piece. Not a bikini, but a two piece. I was fully covered.

And that was when I realized I was wearing a swim suit. Thank you Carlisle!

When my hair was done, he lifted me out of the tub and wrapped me tightly in a long white fluffy towel and I snuggled into it, feeling warm. Than Carlisle began to blow dry my hair for me. And instead of yanking my head back into certain positions like Alice did, Carlisle Simply let my hair stayed down and used a brush and a comb to position strands to where he wanted them. All I had to do was stay still, which was something I had no problem doing.

The towel was very warm and the blower dryer was warmer. I would be back to normal in no time. And than, when my hair was finally dry, Carlisle brushed my hair up and put it into a perfect pony tail. Not one hair was out of place.

Carlisle came around the chair and picked me up again, wrapping a white robe around me and tying it as the towel fell to my feet. He than carried me back the bed and set me down in the warm golden sheets.

He curled up with me and I was shocked to find him warm. I turned on my side, thankful that I felt zero pain when my hand touched a warm sheet that hadn't been there before.

"It's an electric blanket. I didn't want you to get cold so I placed it here."

"But won't it just warm you up too?"

"Yes."

I giggled and scooted closer to the new warm Carlisle. I sighed as my head rested on his shoulder and I turned my head as he did to stare into his eyes as he stared into mine. And in the quiet of the moment, I saw something so obvious yet so undefinable rise to the surface of his golden eyes, windows to his golden soul. I had never before seen them quite this soft, quite this deep. And I scooted closer, seeing specs of the deepest blue, swirl.

"I love you Bella."

"I love you too."

And than, for the first time, he pressed his perfect soft lips down to mine and kissed me.

**So tell me reviewers, how many of you like starbucks? Lol! Reviews are welcome and will always be safe with me! Don't worry, I'll take good care of them! LOLZ!**


	18. A Beautiful Dream

**A/N This chapter is for my reviewer brsrk who begged me sweetly for a longer chapter. So instead of the usual around two thousand words, this turned out to be two thousand nine hundred and ninty two. I hope you all enjoy!**

His soft pale pink lips brushed against mine lightly, tentatively. I felt the butterfly wing sensation against my lips just as I felt the tender hand cradle my head as it slid through the thickness to find purchase in my hair. His buried hand stroked the back of my head gently while his other hand ran down the strands of hair falling on my back, and through the strands I could feel his fingers run down my spine, barely lighter than the touch of silk against the skin. It felt soothing and...different.

The first time Edward had kissed me, I had ignited like a brush of wild fire against his stone like skin. I was consumed be a heat that he didn't hold.

But with Carlisle, he was so _soft_. Not heated but he felt warm. In the way he held me, in the way he touched me, in the way his lips whispered sweet words against my own without ever having to speak a word, I knew he loved me. Just as I somehow knew that his eyes would be deepening now if he were to open them.

No. This was not passion. This was _not_ something I had experienced with Edward.

This was soft. Sweet. It had a tenor of kindness to it that melted my heart and left me speechless in the reality of Carlisle's adoration affection and..._love?_

That _was_ what this was, wasn't it?

It wasn't passionate stolen kisses away from the prying eyes of others. It wasn't a fevered touch or kiss in the dark. It wasn't a spark of lustful electricity that kept us together. No. It was much more than that. _So much more._

It was flowing and silky. Like the taste of chocolate as it melted in the mouth on the tongue. He was both adoring and tentative in the time that he seemed to treasure caressing my lips. And in doing so, he took the time to caress my heart as well. And together, our lips danced like the sun and moon completing each other in the sky. Different, and yet so alike. Different with different purposes, yet meant to be together.

And I knew this was true. He was a vampire. I was human. He was technically dead. I was alive. There were so many differences between us, yet we fit.

When I fell, he would catch me with his super speed. When I was in pain or hurt, he would stitch me up, put me in a cast, use anesthisia, and whatever else had to do, or even _could_ do, to heal me. He went that extra mile. And for him, I provided him with a fresh outlook on life. I provided him with a new healthy love. I provided him with a brand new view of the world, blending this one with his.

And so, in essence, our differences only brought us closer. He did the small of his hand against my back. Than suddenly somehow, I just knew. If I asked Carlisle anything, he would never refuse me.

And I knew that when I was ready, I would begin to live...forever.

And I knew it was love. Because love was what I felt when his lips touched mine. And love was what I felt when he called my name in that dark forest. _That _is love.

When we pulled back, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to cuddle my head against his shoulder. He turned his head while I stared deep into his golden eyes. They were so soft, and filled with understanding. They were so beautiful. Because eyes, as often said, were the windows to the soul. And Carlisle had the most beautiful one I'd ever seen.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you too."

And no blush crept up to my cheeks as I replied. I had no reason to be embarrassed. No flood of desire assaulted me, there was no need to feel it. No rush of adrenaline forced my heart to beat any faster than it already was, which was a normal pace. Unlike with Edward, I didn't feel dizzy or overcome with an emotion that could kill me or rip the very foundation of the earth.

Right now, I felt relaxed, I felt happy, I felt calm. I wasn't tense, I wasn't worried, and I didn't have to censor myself. For the first time in a long time, I could just be me. And as my eyes fluttered shut, the last thing I remember were Carlisle's golden eyes, staring down at me with the most beautiful expression on his face. An expression of love.

**B/C B/C B/C***B/C B/C B/C**

The wind blew through my hair as I ran, whipping tendrels of my chocolate tresses behind me. And said chocolate tresses happily glinted auburn in the light of the golden sun as they tangled together in a happy dance. Earth and dirt turned to dust beneath my feet as my legs moved faster than the human eye should be able to see. Oddly enough, I didn't feel the pain from such a movement.

But that was a background to the explosive joy I felt as I ran through the woods.

I laughed, a tinkling sound that bounced off the trees, bowed for me. I lifted my face to the sky while I ran, the sun worshiping my diamond skin. I ran through a puddle, catching sight of my reflection without stopping. Because for the first time, that was not what I was focused on.

I didn't think about my ethereal beauty or the fact that I could run faster than a jet plane.

What I focused on was catching him, the one who ran from me.

He was teasingly illusive. Never completely running from me, but hanging just on the fringe of me catching him, only to yet again slip away. It was teasingly infuriating. It was funny! But most of all, it was perfect.

I groaned, humorously exasperated, until finally, I decided to switch strategies. I froze and like a lioness stalking her prey, I moved into a crouch, low to the ground. And when I saw Carlisle, I found a gloriously confused look that touched his golden eyes. He didn't have time to process before I pounced, covering his golden face with light, soft kisses. We laughed as he spun me around. And his lips pressed into mine.

I moved my lips with his own. So unobtrusive, so uncontrolling. So happy to live and let live. So different from anything I had yet to experience. I didn't care.

I didn't care that I had run. I didn't care that I obviously wasn't human. I completely forgot that I never ran for fear of tripping. I completely fogot the sun would never shine so bright in forks. I completely forgot that this sort of thing didn't happen in real life.

I forgot and I didn't care that this was a dream. Because in my dream was a man. A man so beautiful that he could shake the very foundations of the earth. A man who's soul was so pure that it touched the core of my heart. And that made my deepest of dreams, real.

And so, I jumped out of Carlisle's arms and continued running with a light joy in my heart. Back and forth through the waves of jewel colored ever green grass, begging Carlisle to join me, to give into the chase. And when he did, his long fingers laced themselves through mine as the sun glinted off our skin. And blades of the greenest grass parted in waves around us like a green sea as we chased each other through the evergreen.

And when he pounced on me, laughing in the heat of the morning's light, we rested. Holding each other in the field of flattened grass blades under the morning sun.

Morning?

**B/C B/C B/C***B/C B/C B/C**

I was filled with a strong sense of dissapointment the second my eyes fluttered open. The dream had been so vivd, so bright, so beautiful, and so completely filled with peace. It was the most perfect of all dreams. One that I had never wanted to end. And I would give anything to go back into that dream. Or at least, I would have, until I heard his voice. And than I realized, it was no dream. He was really here.

"Goodmorning Bella."

His joyous voice speaking to me was like sun and honey. I was hooked merely on the tenor of his tone and when my eyes opened, they stared into a pair of the deepest gold they had ever seen. More beautiful than a stone. More beautiful than any metal ever existed. And it was mine.

Last night came rushing back to me as I remembered. His whispered words of love. His adoring kiss. And I fell in love with him all over again.

I was nervous and shy about what I was about to do. But I wanted to. After all, Carlisle had, hadn't he?

I sucked in a breath and reached up to brush my lips against Carlisle's, who immediately took me in his arms and held me close, drowning me in his embrace, holding me gently against his silken lips. This was better than last night. Somehow, he just made _everything_ better.

And for the first time, I didn't feel inferior around a vampire.

When we broke away, I smiled. I loved kissing him. I loved being in his arms. I loved the fact that he was playful, that he was a gentleman, that he was sweet. That he could be all the things I needed and wanted him to be, and yet, still be himself. I ran my hands through the long blond strands of his hair, loving the silken feel and I pulled him closer for another kiss, to which he happily obliged. If only it could have lasted.

Bang went the door. In came Alice.

"Alright Bella. Get up. You can't stay here all day! We have things to-"

A rumbling had started in Carlisle's chest and as it peaked in what was obviously anger, Alice backed away slowly. She seemed to rethink her decision to play "Bella Barbie".

"On second thought, I think I'll just give you some time to eat."

She closed the door behind her and I could hear Carlisle's growl fade into a contended pur as he nuzzled my hair. If I could have been, purring, I would have.

But as much as I hated to admit it, Alice was right. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't stay in bed all day. I sighed, which was immediately replaced by a giggle and a laughing scream of protest when Carlisle did something teasingly shocking.

He was at my side of the bed in an instant. In the next I was in his arms. And while I protested, playfully beating his strong shoulder demanding to be put down, he ran down the stairs with me, laughing as he went.

And before I knew it, I was at the table with Roslie, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper. The bitch, the boy, the texan and the shopping nazi. I smiled to myself, so where was god? I silently went into a fit of giggles as I remembered Emmett's story. If there was one thing I could agree with him on, it was that Carlisle was a god.

As Carlisle went to the stove to fix me breakfast, the others crowded around the table, talking about their latest adventures. Emmett and Jasper were trying to outdo each other's major hunting trips while Alice and Rosalie pulled out a new york fashion magazine and started trying to determine what fashions would still be in next year.

"Yes, but I honestly think furs will be in next year."

"And than the bear came at me, full force with it's claws in my face."

"If you're talking about that color of fur, than no."

"One bear? I took on three!"

"Ew, no. Not that one. That wasn't even popular _this_ year. Fox is definitely going out of style."

"And what Emmett, you took down all three of them? That's nothing. Try taking down a whole vampire army."

I sighed peacefully. This was my family. The people who loved me the most, just being themselves.

_And someday, I'm going to be part of this._

The thought was as shocking as it was short. I'd always wanted this. A chance to be part of the vampire Cullen family.

And now, I was. I knew that I'd be losing a part of my humanity. But in a way, I would be becoming more human than I was now. And it was proven by Jasper, Emmett, Alice, and Roslie. Sometimes I forgot how human these brothers and sisters of mine could be. It made me smile because even though I would miss Charlie terribly, I would be gaining so much more.

I would be able to run. I would be able to laugh. I would be beautiful, and not clumsy, something I was definitely looking foreward to, and I would be strong. I would be able to study and learn anything I wanted and retain it all with ease. I would be gaining the funniest, most talented, and the most beautiful brothers and sisters alive. But beyond that, I would be gaining Carlisle. The reason I wasn't still lost in the forest. The reason why I found the evergreen.

I watched as he walked around the kitchen cooking for us. He never looked at me, but I think he knew I was watching. He smirked the entire time.

When Emmett decided to pull me into the living room for video games, I followed, unwillingly. And I lost to everyone. But it was still fun to watch as Emmett accidentally broke the Wii remote when he pressed a button too hard.

I walked back into the kitchen to watch Carlisle cook and that was when Emmett decided to put on some lewd music. Carlisle's smirk grew more pronounced. And the more he smirked and moved, the more I watched. And the more I watched, the more I wanted to pounce on him. He was driving me crazy!

I scowled at my lewd thoughts and scowled even deeper at my lewder body. How did Esme ever put up with _this_ and get out of bed? Oh that's right. She didn't. Because she's motherly and I'm a freak. I sighed and looked away from Carlisle, watching my brothers and sisters and I realized, they were watching me from the living room. Jasper must have tipped them off...

I was preparing to be berated for looking at Carlisle in such a way when a voice like silk and chocolate spoke to me. And I was in shock as I looked in Rosalie's direction. Her mouth was moving, but I didn't believe the words she was saying.

"Bella, don't ever tell yourself you're not good enough. You are _more_ than good enough. Carlisle wouldn't have chosen you if you were anything less. But he did choose you, because you have something vampires don't have. You have a pure sweet innocent heart. You want to care for people. And I've only met one other vampire who was like that Bella."

Tears spilled from my eyes as I realized, they were comparing me to Esme. And _Rose_ was comparing me to Esme. They really did love me?

"Bella." Cold fingers lifted my chin up and soft lips placed themselves over mine. But when he pulled away, I made the mistake of making direct eye contact with him. And when I did, I couldn't look away. He was perfect.

"I love you."

And that as all I needed to hear. He placed the tray down in front of me, and when I looked up the others had left.

When I looked down, there was a note on thick paper folded on the table. I picked it up and read in flowing handscript, _to my goddess._

And I blushed as I realized that Carlisle could remember my thoughts, _again._

**A/N I hope you guys liked this chapter. I was so inspired by the story that directly after chapter 17, I began working on chapter 18. :) And to those of you who review, I will send Carlisle to personally come and dry your hair! ;)**


	19. Wanna go for a hike?

I knew Carlisle was spoiling me and very soon, I would start to get fat from all the foods I was eating. I would have to either tell Carlisle to make less or I would have to workout more. Mostly it would be the second because I couldn't bear to tell Carlisle to stop taking care of me. It seemed to be his favorite thing to do actually, which made me feel guilty. What else did Carlisle like to do besides saving lives and taking care of me?

I chewed my home cooked pancakes slowly. Well, he liked to read. We both liked old black and white movies. And we loved being together. But surely there had to be more in common between us than that!

I sipped my orange juice slowly, enjoying the tang, when Carlisle spoke up.

"Bella, there is somewhere I would like to take you. When you finish your meal, would you like to come hiking with me?"

Hiking? Obviously Carlisle had never seen me dance, he'd never seen me in P.E., and he also seemed to have forgotten that I am my own personal walking deathtrap. He chuckled quietly. He seemed to sense what I was thinking.

"If your worried about breaking your leg today, don't be. I promise I will catch you."

"You're sure I'd be safe?"

"Of course you would be Bella." Carlisle didn't miss a beat.

I suddenly felt guilty. Did he think that I didn't want to spend time with him? Did he think that was the reason I was hesitating? It was more of the fact that the forest was likely to be my grave. I shivered lightly and tried not to think about that any longer.

"Sure. I'll finish up my breakfast and than put my shoes on. I'd love to go hiking." _With you…alone…in the woods…miles away from anybody…_

The very thought of having Carlisle alone all to myself sent shivers down my body.

I sped up eating as quickly as I could and froze when I felt Carlisle nuzzle my neck. Soft growling moans reverberated through my body and a misplaced heat settled low between my thighs. I whimpered slightly, which seemed to send Carlisle into a sort of frenzy. His nose nuzzled my neck harder and he pulled my hair back as his tongue traced my neck.

I had to remember to breath.

Suddenly, Carlisle was gone from my neck and standing straight in front of me with a polite smile. His voice had a silky quality to it as he spoke.

"Let me take your plate for you Bella. I'm sure you want to get ready now."

I nodded mutely and made my way upstairs. My head was dizzy, my body was heavy, and there was a certain electricity running throughout me. But I was scared to focus on what it was. So instead, I changed into some clothes suitable for hiking.

I nabbed a black tank top and threw on my white button up shirt. I tried not to trip while putting on my blue jeans and because my balance was still so off (damn vampire) I decided to sit down when I put on my boots.

And than something occurred to me.

"Alice!"

She appeared at the doorway immediately. "Yes Bella?"

"No. It's actually going to be quite sunny. But it won't be too hot."

I nodded mutely when Alice came and sat by me. I felt cool lips touch my ear.

"There's an extra set of panties and a bra in the glove compartment and a change of clothes in the back of the trunk."

I felt confused. What was she saying?

"Alice, what are you trying to tell me?"

"Oh, I'm not trying to tell you anything. Hmm, I think I hear Jazz calling. Talk to you later bella."

"But Alice…"

It was no use. She was gone. I hated it when she hid stuff from me.

"What was that all about?"

I looked up at Carlisle and stood in front of the mirror, about to pin my hair back.

"Let me do it."

Than he bent over slightly. "Alice has been acting very odd lately."

"She has?"

"Yes. I have no idea why but I think she had a vision about us. One that she's trying to keep secret."

A vision that would necessitate a change of clothes? What kind of vision would that be? I admitted I was curious. But not curious enough to ask. In fact, I probably didn't want to know. It was probably very embarrassing like a trip to the hospital where I'm covered in blood. Ugh.

"Let's not think about it. I wanna go hiking!" I said with fake enthusiasm.

Carlisle smiled and laughed. "Are you sure, Bella? That didn't sound too convincing to me."

"Oh, bite me."

We laughed lightly and he flew out of his bedroom window with me on his back. It always amazed me how vampires could do impossible things in under two seconds without killing themselves. It must be a natural protective instinct. Like cats, vampires always land on their feet.

As soon as he' flown out the window with me on his back, was I on the ground with Carlisle facing the forest.

"Do you normally get sudden compulsions to jump out of your bedroom window?"

He beamed. "Not normally."

Hand in hand, we walked into the tree littered forest.

**A/N Sorry if I was a bit late. My other computer died and I had to get a new one. Reviews are love! And love is cookies! :D**


	20. Like Moth to the Flame

**A/N**** Merry X-Mas! Happy yule, solstice, december 23rd, and all that jazz! I've given you a special present for X-mas morning! LIMES! Yippee! Ha ha! I hope you all enjoy the limey goodness of Carlisle Cullen and Bella Swan! Without further adue, the two lovers. (Bows humbly and steps off center stage.)**

There was a strange and quiet silence as me and Carlisle walked through the forest. I felt so baffled by the sheer noiselessness of the woods that I had to wonder if Carlisle had taken me to a completely different forest altogether. But I had a strange thoughts as to _why_ the animals around us were suddenly noiseless.

Animals seemed to be more intuitive about vampires than even humans were. Whenever they heard or saw Carlisle coming, they ran. I saw that in their eyes, Carlisle spelled: **PREDATOR **in big bold letters. How would you feel if you were being stalked? Would you make noise? It all made sense when I thought about it like that. But I didn't feel too much sympathy for the animals. I mean, we all had to eat, right?

I sighed at my strange thoughts as we continued to trek through the "jungle". Me and Carlisle didn't break the silence. Though the silence seemed strange, the one between us was comfortable. We didn't really see much of a need to talk. So we continued on in silence.

We were about half way through I was sure when I suddenly was struck by my own thoughts. I had promised myself this morning that I would get to know Carlisle better. Why would I want to be silent?

"Carlisle?"

"Yes Bella?"

"I know a lot about your past from Edward and from the horses mouth. But I don't really know a lot about _you."_

He smiled lightly. "What would you like to know?"

What would be a good question to ask Carlisle?

"What do you like to do for fun?"

"Well, besides reading, I enjoy playing the violin."

"You play?"

"I think everyone in this family does. Do you?"

I blushed and looked away, not wanting to answer.

"Bella?"

"Well…I was never as good as Edward at anything musical, so I never mentioned it. But I enjoy playing guitar."

Carlisle's eyes seemed to light up.

"Guitar and violin make a beautiful duet."

"They really do."

We smiled for a moment.

So, the whole cull family seemed to be into board games. And Carlisle like me, was into reading, learning new things, doing jigsaw puzzles, and crossword puzzles."

"So Bella, what about you? What kind of things do you enjoy doing?"

I thought about it. "Well, I like cooking, going to plays, creative writing, scrap booking, gardening, and collecting."

"Really? Some of them I knew but I didn't know you liked collecting. What kinds of things do you collect?"

I blushed. It was so stupid. "Bracelets and charms."

He smiled. "That's very neat. And it's certainly something I can imagine you collecting."

I felt my face heat up even more at his complement. "So Carlisle, tell me something surprising about you."

"Surprising? Hmm, well, there is one thing my family doesn't know. I'm very much into fencing. It was a recreational activity I did all the time when I was back in Volterra."

Wow. A fencer. "That takes exceptional skill."

He smiled lightly. "Thank you."

"So Carlisle, have you ever had an addiction?"

"An addiction? Hmm," he thought for a moment. "well, I would have to say if there was any addiction I had, it would be caring for others and taking care of them. But the person I enjoy taking care of the most is you."

I knew that wasn't a cheesy line. It wasn't meant to be corny. Carlisle meant it. Taking care of people was his addiction, his passion. And if he could take care of someone that he loved…well, I couldn't imagine it getting better than that for him. And that just made me love Carlisle all the more. While we walked, I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"So, do you have any addictions?"

I thought about it really hard. If you'd asked me a while back, I would have said Edward was my addiction. But now? I had no addictions. So, would I ever gain another one?

"I don't think so."

He smiled. And on and on the questions went until "Bella, we're here."

I looked around me and was shocked when I saw a beautiful entrance to a gorgeous ravine. Trees bent over to create an overhead canopy and vines hung over the sides of two huge dirt walls covered in the greenest grass. I was taken away by the unearthly beauty of this gorgeous place.

I giggled and grabbed Carlisle's hand, intent on enjoying every beauty this place had to hold. For some reason, I felt giddy. We continued walking through the gorgeous ravine and there was a little hill at the end covered in emerald green grass and tiny white flowers. I gasped. This was directly out of a fairy tell.

"Do you like it bella?"

"No."

Carlisle seemed shocked.

"I don't like it Carlisle. Because I love it."

He beamed like the sun had hit his skin and his lips melded to mine. But before the kiss could become serious, he pulled away.

"My sweet Bella."

He swept me up into his arms, much to my surprise, and carried me the rest of the way to the little grassy mound. Than he put me back on my feet and laid out a blanket for us both to lay on.

"One moment Bella, I will be right back."

I sighed. This moment could NOT get anymore perfect. "Ok."

I looked up at the sky through a circular clearing in the trees above my head. There weren't too many clouds but the ones there were there seemed fluffy and white. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen clouds. I couldn't remember the last the sky above was a clear forget me not blue.

"Bella?"

I sat up smiling at the sound of his voice. "Yes?"

"I brought a picnic basket incase you became hungry."

I giggled. This wasn't normally like me. But I enjoyed the different giddy feeling as I patted the spot beside me. Carlisle really was a sweetheart and any girl would be lucky to have him. As it were, I was super lucky that he chose me.

Carlisle laid down beside me and we cuddled as we looked up at the sky. "Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Is this your spot where you come to think?"

"It is. I come here a lot to read or just to think. It's a very peaceful place for me."

I turned on my side better to see his face. And just at that moment, the sun began to sparkle on his diamond hard skin. I'd never seen Carlisle in the sun before. It was stunning.

I raised my hand to his delicately carved cheekbone and caressed his perfectly carved cheeks down to his lips. And than I ran my hand through that gorgeously golden blond hair. I could almost imagine being underneath him and pulling that beautiful golden hair as he ravished me senseless and…

What? Where had _that_ come from? I almost felt like shaking my head, just to push the crazy thought out. It seemed that had been happening a lot lately. But I couldn't understand why.

I looked up to stare deep into a pair of quickly darkening eyes and I cuddled into Carlisle's purring chest. This was so right. As my lips brushed against Carlisle's a thought occurred to me. I'd never seen…seen… My thoughts made me blush. I would never ask him to do that. And yet, my vain curiosity begged me to see those perfect stone hard abs.

Suddenly, I heard the sound of buttons popping as Carlisle removed his shirt from his chest. And I realized he had heard my thoughts. I blushed wildly at this. I couldn't believe he had heard me! The thought was so…embarrassing.

And yet the thought was also enticing. The thought that he knew my deepest desires made me blush while at the same time, making me…hot? Was that the word for the heat searing the pit of my belly?

I ran my hands down Carlisle's chest and I felt like moaning. He was so perfectly hard, strong. I could almost envision his full long body wrapped around me as I lost myself in his embrace. I wanted to kiss those perfect lips. To stroke every peck of his abs. To lick the honey tasting creases in between. I wanted too-

And he kissed me, wildly. The controlled calm Carlisle was gone and in his place was a man filled with desire. But for me? Really?

His hand roamed down my back, over my bra, and down my spine. And I moaned deeply as he hoisted me up by his hands and melded me to him. One hand at the base of my spine and the other…

"Mmmm."

I moaned against his lips at the thought of him touching me down there at all. His hand on my ass was cold through my jeans, yet I'd never felt hotter in my life. I wanted to stay this way for eternity. For _all_ of eternity.

A flash of heat ran through me and I rubbed my thighs together only to moan. I did it again to be pleased by the sensation and when Carlisle parted my thighs, I wanted to scream out in protest. And than he started rubbing up against me. It wasn't where I needed it to be but I didn't care. I scooted down some, angling for Carlisle's neck as I scooted my hips deeper inside my jeans, trying to make them tighter. Trying to make them go to the one place I desperately wanted to be touched.

And than Carlisle pulled me back up, smirking. He wasn't fooled. He knew what I wanted. And he proved it because in the next second, his hand was over my mound, squeezing lightly. And his thumb ran through the lips of my sex over my jeans. I felt like screaming for more when his cell phone rang.

He froze and answered his cell phone, a growl rumbling in his chest. I didn't hear most of the conversation. But I _did_ hear the first word.

Stop.

Alice was telling him to stop.

**A/N Oh no. What's going on? What will Carlisle do? Why is Alice telling him to stop? Stay tuned for more and as always, reviews are love! And if you review, Carlisle will be your boyfriend! XD**


	21. Meeting with Vampires

A/N** I would sincerely like to apologize for not writing. I haven't had any computers to get on up until now. However, I HAVE been writing on paper. So don't worry! The show will go on!**

Carlisle was a blurring rush as he gathered the food and picnic items from off the grass. He interrupted himself to quickly snap close the buttons on his shirt. But instead of feeling dismayed, I was worried. Carlisle didn't seem to be panicking but he did seem to be entirely serious. I had to ask myself why. What had happened in this short time of me and Carlisle in the woods that would make Alice call us and interrupt…whatever was about to happen.

Would Carlisle have killed me? Would Carlisle have bitten me? Did Edward come back? Was somebody in the family being threatened? Was Emmett throwing a fit? Was Alice pulling a prank? Had Emmett somehow bribed or blackmailed Alice into pulling a prank?

I didn't know. But what I did know was that I was suddenly being surrounded by Carlisle's arms and his lips were at my ear.

"I love you Bella. Truly, I do. But we have to leave. The Volturi are waiting."

The Volturi? As in "the powerful vampire family" was coming here? Why?

I found myself tossed very gently on Carlisle's back, than we were running through the trees and before I knew it, we were at the border of the forest. He set me down and began walking slowly with me hand in hand. His hand grasped mine softly as we walked, only using a gentle pressure to let me know that I was safe. But honestly? I surprisingly wasn't that concerned.

We walked into the house and came into the living room, where they were waiting. I'd seen them all in a painting, and there was little difference between the vampires in the painting and the Volturi in reality. But I immediately knew that they weren't men. The Cullens obviously looked nothing like humans. But they were gods. These things were odd looking and made me feel a little ill. And their countenance was far more menacing.

The tall one with the wavy black hair spoke first, embracing Carlisle. "Ah, Carlisle. It has been far too long." He seemed very happy, oddly enough, which was in direct contrast with the Vampire that looked exceedingly angry and the one that looked exceedingly bored. Maybe he'd already seen his brother's antics? Or maybe he was just emo.

The three brothers were different from other vampires I've seen in that they were chalky pale, next to a glowing pale Cullen. Their skin looked paper thin, next to the Cullen's strong skin, and it gave me a strong desire to touch it, just to see if it felt like it looked. But obviously the trait that stood out the most overall was those bright ruby blood red eyes. It made me comfortable to know they weren't thirsty because if their eyes were any darker, they would ask for a menu. And I was sure I would be for lunch!

"Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper. Ah, the whole family is here! How delightful!" I noticed he didn't mention Edward at all. It was as if he knew that Edward was no longer a part of this family.

"But I am afraid I do not know this young one's name. Carlisle? Do you care to enlighten me?"

He stepped beside me gracefully and introduced me to Aro without hesitancy. "Bella Swan, this is Aro. Aro, this is the love of my life."

I was shocked by how he introduced me to one of his kind who as obviously _not_ one of his kind. But he seemed to trust Aro. So what choice did I have but to trust him as well? I held out my hand. "Aro, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"The pleasure is mine, Bella. If I may ask, Bella wouldn't perhaps happen to be the shortened version for Isabella now, would it?"

"Indeed it would."

"Ah simply splendid. She has wonderful manners Carlisle! So respectful! And she is obviously quite intelligent for a young lady this day and age."

"She is. Bella is actually a fan of the classics such as Emily Bronte, Shakespere, and Beowulf. And whereas others her age would prefer rock or hip hop, she prefers Classical music and orchestra."

"Does she now? And what would be you favorite piece Isabella?"

"Claire De Lune by Debussy."

"Ah simply marvelous. And if you had to pick a second favorite?"

"Lacrimosa from Mozart's Reqium."

"That is a splendid piece. I was fortunate enough to be able to see this piece performed live by Mozart himself."

"Wow" I gasped. To see Mozart live! The greatest legend who ever lived!

"I can see she truly is a lover of fine arts and classics. For one so refined, it would be a shame for one such as she to go to waste. Do you not agree Carlisle?"

"I agree completely."

"Come Isabella."

"Well, I must decline your offer. I will change Isabella after she graduates from high school. After all, I decline you in for the sake of remaining inconspicuous."

"Very well. I am sure your Bella finds education as important as you do. You both seem so very much alike. So we will give you until her graduation. Than she must be changed."

"Of course."

"Well than, me and my brothers will take our leave."

"Aro?"

His eyebrow raised as he turned around. "Miss Swan?"

"It is not my place to ask, but if I may, who was it that told you of this relation between Carlisle and myself? For I would assume that you didn't come here just to chat, being the leader of the Volturi you must not have time for pleasantries such as this?"

"You are most assuredly correct young miss swan. Carlisle, your son, Edward, has come to the Volturi and has decided to stay permanently. Although we cannot persuade him from his choice to partake in a living carcass of meat instead of the succulent feast of a human. So pride yourself in you son Carlisle. He is truly loyal."

"That he is."

"We shall depart in peace. Come brothers."

And they were gone.

We all stood still in silence and shock for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. "Anyone up for some spaghetti?"

**A/N Please review. And I really am sorry about the long wait. But the story is not done yet. So don't worry! :)**


	22. A Fluffy Spaghetti

"I'm sure Edward gave you my story Bella?"

I had to pull myself out of my trance to answer Carlisle's question. "Yes, he did. He told me that you stayed with the Volturi. But I had no idea that you trusted Aro so much."

The corner of his mouth turned upwards ever so slightly. "Oh, I don't. But it's always nice to exchange pleasantries," he said offhandedly.

Giving that Aro looked a little bit insane and that his true self was inherently darker, exchanging pleasantries was probably a way of him keeping his brothers from killing you. "Hmm. I think your right."

Things were quiet as I fell back into that thankfully lonely little trance. I liked being able to ogle him when no one else was around. When they were and I ogled him, it was embarrassing. But what was even worse was when I ogled him and someone started ogling him with me. No no, it was much better to be able to ogle him alone.

And he's never disappointing. Like with now, his nimble, smooth, cold, quick hands methodically stirring in a slow hypnotizing motion had me under his spell. What that man could do with his hands without even touching me was-

"Bella!"

I jumped in my seat and almost fell back when I felt a hand steady me. Those golden eyes didn't bore down at me with playful reproach for falling. Instead they were darker and he leaned to inhale my scent ever so slightly. I breathed a sigh of relief and his hands played at the line of my jeans. And I found the pressure, the tenseness, everything was becoming less tense. I leaned my head back into his shoulder as he continued to rub my back.

It almost seemed as soon as it started, he stopped. I regretted him stopping but I understood it. Someone was probably coming. "Thanks Carlisle."

His voice was polite but his eyes were laced with meaning. "Your welcome Bella."

His voice was like honey. And after our little "time" in the woods I felt electrified to his every movement. As though every step he took, every brush of his lips, changed the currents of electricity in the room. Could it because of the atmosphere the Volturi had left behind in me as a human? Was it really fear?

Or was it something _far _more primal?

I didn't get the chance to decide when Alice popped out of nowhere like a bouncing pixy.

"Gah!"

"I've decided I'm going to take you shopping after you eat."

She didn't even realize that she had scared me. She just kept on talking while Carlisle smiled, just a little. He knew I was about to throw what he always called a "Bella fit."

"Alice, when did you decide this?"

"When I went to your house to get some clothes and looked at your wardrobe."

"Well, I'm sorry Ms. Cullen but I'm a Swan. I'm a normal non-rich non-vampire kid with very little money and I look like everyone else. Not bad. Just normal and like I fit in. But it's not like I look bad, right Carlisle?"

"You're asking _him?_ Bella, you could wear rags and he would still think you are beautiful."

I thought of myself adorning rags in a jungle like setting for a moment. And shook my head from the thoughts it was going in.

"Carlisle, how long have I been here?"

"A little over a month."

"But…I haven't been doing any assignments!"

"Silly Bella. I've been doing them for you and turning them in for you when I go to school."

"Oh, thanks Alice."

Cold arms wrapped around me from behind and a soft voice whispered in my ear. "And the office has assigned me to you which allows me to stay here more often to keep an eye on you."

I mulled it all over and was suddenly thankful to both Carlisle and Alice. I'd really been so selfish taking up all of their time. What could I possibly do to make up for it?

"Don't you dare Bella. Don't buy gifts for me. I should be buying gifts for you! Mostly because you never accept them."

"Which is exactly why you shouldn't be buying them Alice."

She sighed. "Bella-"

"Alice, I'm making you a promise. I will go shopping with you. Ok? But not today or tomorrow. Me and Carlisle never finished our date and I would like to. And than tomorrow I will rest up. Is that ok?"

Alice paused for a moment before beaming. I rolled my eyes at my psychic sister.

"Have fun Bella!"

I was silent for a moment as she left the room and when I inhaled, I took a wiff of the best spaghetti that had ever been made. Ever.

"Carlisle, that smells delicious."

"Thank you Bella. Please, enjoy."

I twisted the spaghetti around my fork and began to pop a spoonful of pasta into my mouth, moaning around the fork.

"This is delicious! You have to show me how you did this! I would love to learn."

"I would be happy to teach you Bella. But for now, let us get back to our date, shall we?"

"Of course. I would love to."

He sat by me as I continued eating my spaghetti and for a moment, he simply watched me. "You know, normally being watched would make me uncomfortable."

"I know. I'm very curious why it's so suddenly become ok to you?"

"Me too. I think it's because you understand it."

"You do? How?"

"Well..." I trailed off blushing.

A lone cold digit lifted my chin up. "Bella?"

"I watch you too, when I think your not looking."

"I know. Just as I watch you."

He was quiet for a moment. "Is that why you understand?"

"Yes."

He nodded his head as I finished my last bite of spaghetti.

He took my hand and helped me off the high stool. In a blur he'd washed my plate and rushed back to my side. I wish I could do that for him. Eternity wasn't long enough and my human motions always took too long.

Carlilse laced his ice cold fingers through mine as we walked out the door. I stopped meaning to grab my shoes when Carlisle stopped me. "You won't be needing those."

I figured the only thing I would be needing was a strong stomach if he was going to run. After all, I just ate. But I figured that if I kept my eyes shut, it would just feel like I would be floating. I'd done it before with my eyes shut in the beginning. But when I started getting used to it, I would carefully peek them open until I could keep them open. But this time I didn't want to risk getting sick keeping my eyes open.

I let go of Carlisle's hand to close the door and had an errant thought. I would surprise him!

I turned around in a blur and jumped on him, peppering his hair with light kisses. And his voluptuous laugh filled my ears as he tossed me on his back and ran. I adored this man.


	23. A Pleading Request

**A/N Thank you to everyone who reviewed! As most of you have probably guessed, this is not one of those sour tangy steamy hot boiling lemons. This is like a lemon dipped in cotton candy and sugar. But no relationship can go on for too long without at least _some_ physical intimacy. "Wink wink, nudge nudge, a nudge is as good as a wink to a blind bat." Lol. Enjoy!**

When my eyes opened, we were in our meadow again. I almost missed not being able to see the forest blur at the speed of light as the suns fractured rays caught the green. But there would be other times and Carlisle was always running with me on his back. So it wasn't anything I wouldn't get to see again.

We went back to the meadow which was set up with a red and white checkered cloth and a brown woven picnic basket. This was like a scene out of one of my books! Who knew my man was a director?

I froze. Had I really just referred to him as "mine"? More importantly, _was_ he mine? He didn't seem interested in anyone else. Just me. But that didn't mean he couldn't leave me just as easily. I'd seen first hand how easy it was for vampires to distract themselves.

A cold hand touched him face lightly. "Bella, please, don't doubt me. I am yours to be with how you wish. Whether as a friend, companion, boyfriend, husband, mate. I live to make you happy."

I sat down on the cloth which was surprisingly silky, feeling confused. "Carlisle, I don't understand. How can you just be so focused on me? Wouldn't you rather have a life of your own?"

"I do have a life of my own. I own a house, have a job, have a family, and have my closest companion in whatever way may be. Would you call that a life of my own?"

"I do but I don't understand. Why are you always so focused on me? I mean, the others are focused on me, yeah. But they still take time to do things themselves. Me and Alice are practically tied at the hip but we still do things on our own time. Why don't you?"

"Because the only thing I would like to do on my off time is spend time with you. May I explain?"

"Of course."

"Do you remember that story that Jacob told you down at the beach? About the Quillettes?"

"Um…no. I don't think I remember."

He seemed a bit disappointed. "Think back really hard, as hard as you can, and tell me if you remember Jacob Black telling you stories on the beach. This was before you were officially with Edward. Before the meadow. Before the car ride. You were very flirtatious with him."

I gasped remembering. But unfortunately, when I'm surprised, I tend to have diarrhea of the mouth. "I remember. I was trying to get information from him about you guys. And he gave me this story of his tribe and than the one I was trying to get to, how you all came to be here. He was the one who told me of the vampires."

Carlisle smiled lightly. "I know he did. But before you heard our story, did he give you another one?"

"Oh, well, there was one about his tribe. But that's…wait. Yours turned out to be true."

"Yes."

"His could be true too. The Quillettes could be werewolves."

"So it would seem."

I sighed, feeling let down. "I wish I had a laptop."

"Bing."

I looked at him for a moment, startled. "What?"

"Your laptop. The bing was supposed to be magick."

"Ha ha! Well, you _are_ a mythical magical creature."

"Most others would agree."

I leaned into his side as I began to type in Quillette histories. I was shocked when multiple results appeared instantly. His laptop was a million times faster than my computer. I almost envied it, but I decided to let it drop. There was no use in envying him. And for this? Really?

I clicked on the first Quillette page which turned out to be a flop. But the next site was really interesting.

"What is this, Bella?"

"It's spirit inside . com. It's some kind of idian tribal site that gives details about all Indian folklore. The Quilletes is one of them."

"_Really?_"

"Yes. It says that they've deciphered the glyphs and that one of the last remnants spoke about it years ago, as well as putting it in writing. He was the only one that ever did and it said that he was banished from his tribe for speaking about it. But the history says that certain men of the tribe would take on the form of wolves to protect the tribe from danger. It usually skipped about a generation but every other generation it would be passed down from Grandfather to Grandson and eventually, the Grandson of the elder leader would become the Tribe Leader when his Grandfather passed on."

"Does it say anything else?"

"Yes. It says that a change is a rare occurrence. That it usually only takes place when they are in the vicinity of vampires. Carlisle, that could be what's happening to the Quillettes!"

"How do you know this is real Bella?"

"Because it was attached to a story that was real. And besides, Jacob has stopped talking to me completely. Not that we really talked a whole lot before but he actually refuses to come over with Billy and if he is made to than he doesn't talk to me at all. This would be why! He wants to tell me the secret but he can't. He's bound by his own tribal law under threat of getting himself kicked out."

"So you believe this?"

"Absolutely. In fact, can we put this on hold for a sec? I wanna call Jake."

"I don't mind." He seemed not to even bat an eye. I leaned down and kissed him ever so softly for not being jealous, for trusting that I knew what I was doing. I love him so much.

"Thank you Carlisle, for trusting me."

"Why would I not Bella? I adore you."

I could feel my face heat under his kind words and tripped over a rock, which Carilsle turned into a trip instead of a fall when he steadied me. I decided not to make it any worse by going to far and shook my head a couple of times to clear it.

I grabbed my cell phone from my dress pocket and dialed jakes number quickly. As expected, it went to voicemail. But I didn't mind. "Hey Jake. Listen, I know why you've been avoiding me. You know those stories you told me down at the beach? Well, I did some online research and found out that your tribe doesn't want outsiders to know. And they would probably be furious if they found out I knew but I'm already keeping the secret of the existence of vampires. I can keep yours too. I promise. If you still wanna hang out sometime, call me."

I was excited that I might get to see Jake again. We'd been becoming friends before he stopped seeing me altogether. And that kinda hurt a little. But I was sure we could make amends. Besides, Jake could be pretty cool, unlike the guys at forks high school.

When I hung up the phone after following the operators instructions, I turned to go back to Carlisle. But I realized, he had brought up the subject of the Quillettes in a round about way. I just had to find out why.

"Sorry for bunny trailing Carlisle. Were you going to head somewhere with the Quillettes?"

"Very perceptive, Bella" he congratulated. "Actually, yes. I was heading somewhere with that. Did you read what the site said about imprinting?"

"Yes and I hated it! No man deserves to be slaved to any woman just like no woman deserves to be slaved to any man. It's _wrong._ I feel really sorry for Jake if he ever has to go through that! That's horrible!"

"The wolves don't look at it that way. Here is the way Edward explained it to me. He said that it's the werewolves way of finding true love. The truth is that they _want_ to imprint. They _want_ to be found. It's not like getting your whole world taken away from you. It's like finding a true purpose in the world you are already in."

"Like a soulmate?"

"Yes."

"Ok. So what about imprinting?"

"Vampires have the same thing except it's called mating. It's stronger than the wolves and we can only mate once in a lifetime. If our mate dies, our soul leaves our body. That is why you saw Marcus-"

"The depressed emo?"

Things were quiet for a long moment before we both burst out in laughter.

"Ok, as "depressed emo" as you put it is the one you saw with no emotion. He lost his mate. Aro burned her alive and used one of his minions to keep her alive until she was nothing but ashes."

My eyes widened throughout the tragic telling and Ifelt horrible for making fun of Marcus. I'd be suicidal if that ever happened to Carlisle. I guess losing your soul was a bit of a gift.

"So is his soul with her now? Or is it still trapped inside his body?"

"I believe that he is with her now, wherever they are. He was a very good friend of mine but he held my hand as his soul left his body and he told me goodbye. His last words were that he hoped I would find my mate and that he would be watching as she walked down the isle."

My eyes teared up at the thought of who seemed to be Carlisle's best friend, looking out for him.

"I'm glad you had such a true friend."

"So am I. They are very hard to find these days."

"So what kind of ties go into a vampiric mating?"

"There is telepathy, which you know and I've already explained most of the aspects of a mating to you. But there are a few I didn't go into detail about."

"Ok. What is it?"

"The first is that if you accept our mating, you will feel a heightened sense of…lust."

I nodded. I guess I'd already accepted the mating because I could personally vouch for that.

"Ok. What else?"

"You will have the decision whether to become mother of this family or sister."

"No! No way! I would rather be a sister than a mother. Me being the mother them is just…awkward."

"It wouldn't be. But I can see your point."

"What do you mean it wouldn't be?"

"The physiological changes that take place in a female vampire when she decides to become second in the command of the coven include he giving off a pheromone that gives off the impression of her being a mother."

"Oh."

"There are a lot of familial ties that go into this."

"Carlisle, that brings up something else that I need to talk to you about. I love you, dearly. But…I need to get back to Charlie. He needs taking care of and I came up here to live with him. Now that's he's gotten used to me being there…well, I just think it's better if I stay there and we spend time together when we can."

"I know Bella. I hear you whisper about missing your father every night."

I blushed. "It's time for me to go back."

"Of course Bella. You are welcome here anytime."

"Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

I tried to keep my voice even. I swear you could hear the crickets chirping in the background. And this was day time!

"Yes?"

"Carlisle, will you come and stay with me tonight?"

**A/N I don't know if spirit inside . com is real or not. I made it up off the top of my head. Hmm, I wonder what Carlisle will say to Bella's request? He he he. R & R does not stand for rest and relaxation. Please read and review. Lol!**


	24. An Almost Broken Window

**A/N Sorry guys. I've been busy trying to do ten courses all at once. But I got them all done and now I only have three left so that frees me up more to write! Yay! I will be posting a lot more now my peoplezzz! Enjoy!**

It hadn't been that long of a day. In fact, when life seems to throw you a curve ball and you have to do something you aren't looking forward to, life speeds up. And even though I didn't really want it to, I understood. So I did the things I wanted to do most, bar one. Which means that unlike most other days, my day mostly revolved around my lips and Carlisle's.

Normally, me and Carlisle weren't the kissing type. Or the lovey dovey type. Or really any type at all. Life with Carlisle was fun because all we did was chill, which was fine by me. I'd had enough drama to last me a lifetime and more. But today was the last day I'd get to see him for a long period of time. And that means my body was on overdrive.

What started out as stolen kisses turned into a hot and heavy make-out session on his made-of-gold bed. I shivered as his hands traveled down my sides. I was high off the taste of his tongue and my feather light head was dizzy.

I knew it was best for me to go back to Charlie because I knew that I only had till the end of graduation to be with him. I knew it. So I had to somehow find a way to unhook my arms from around Carlisle's neck and tell my body to disengage. But it wouldn't listen. And neither would my stubborn lips.

Carlisle pulled back to let me breath and instead of moving his mouth to my neck, looked me in the eyes while I caught my breath, disorienting me in the loveliest of ways. I could never keep my thoughts straight when staring into his eyes.

"I don't want to leave you."

"Your not. I'll be in your room tonight."

I looked up, to make sure he wasn't lying to me. He couldn't lie to me! He had to be there! I didn't want to be dependent but I'll be damned if I didn't feel that pull that kept him in my life. He. Had. To. Be. There.

"Promise me."

"Upon my life."

I snuggled up closer to the comforting source of his voice. The voice that I called home. The voice that I would have to leave for the first time in…how long had I been here again? I couldn't be without him. But I would make it through. I just had to take it second after second. Deep breaths.

"Oh mia bella Isabella."

I moaned as my lips attacked his once more. Italian wasn't that different from spanish and I almost spoke spanish fluently. Carlisle rolled me under him and pressed his weight on top of me as he slipped his ice cold tongue into my hot mouth. I felt like I was burning from the inside and I thrust my hips up. But I couldn't get the angle just right.

Carlisle's hands curled themselves around my hips for a better angle as he started kissing me more deeply. But as fate had already proven, it had blessed me with not only clumsiness, but a taste for bad luck as well. "Hey Izzy Belly your gonna miss your ride and-Whoa! Dude, get a room!"

He childishly covered his eyes with his hands.

"Emmett, this _is_ our room. Please leave." I didn't know how I could speak without screaming, my emotions were so intense. Maybe I was just too far gone to care. But obviously I wasn't.

I heard the snapping of the door shut but it was too late. The moment was already ruined or at least, I thought it was...until I saw Carlisle smirk.

"One last thing Bella."

And he turned my hips upward and gave me one sharp heavy thrust that made my knees turn to dust and my hips buck. I could already feel myself pulsing and the heat became unbearable. And that was when Carlisle made the choice to back off and sit up. I groaned as I joined him. I hadn't wanted him to stop.

"Are you ok?"

"You really have to ask?"

"With the right tone, that could be taken as a sytyrical "obviously". But I don't think that was the way you meant it."

I hit his side with a pillow.

"Bella, is that really any way to treat a guy who just-"

"Bella your dad's car is-Oh for the love of Emmett's cruel jokes! Can you two _please_ give it a rest? I'm going to be having nightmares for the next month!"

"Oh you know you love it Alice. The picture of me and him together is just too hot for you to resist."

And the room went quiet. The house went quiet. Heck, even the birds outside went quiet. And than laughter roared from every corner of the house, including ours. I didn't even know where that had _come_ from.

I'll be down in a sec.

I turned to kiss Carlisle goodbye one last time. But I only meant it to be a short peck. I was not responsible for the heavy feels-like-five-minutes lip locking that he gave me. Apparently, the missing went two ways. When he pulled back I was dizzy and disoriented. Luckily my ears where still intact so I could hear the voice that made me-

"Let's go downstairs Bella."

I held his hand, content to walk at the slowest snail pace possible. He didn't complain. And besides, even _with_ Carlisle holding my hand, my head still felt dizzy and my knees still felt weak. If it wasn't for Carlisle's support, I might not have even made it down the stairs.

I saw my bags by the door and picked them up on my way out to the car. This wasn't saying goodbye. He would see me later on. So no, it wasn't really goodbye. I was sure of it. And yet still, the further I walked away, the harder my heart hammered in my chest. The farther I walked away, the more compulsion hit me to run back for one last hug. One last kiss, one last_ thrust._

"That's a lot of bags there kiddo. Alice take you shopping again?"

I blushed at the thoughts I was having, embarrassed that I was even having them around _Charlie_ of all people. I pushed out a heavy hopefully tired sounding breath through my mouth. "Yeah."

He stared at me hard for a few moments, as though trying to figure me out. "Bells, you don't have to come back if you don't want to. You _can_ stay here."

I was about the jump on that offer, hug my father, and jump into Carlisle's arms to declare my undying love for him as his wife and mate. But…this was real life. And I could hear the pain in Charlie's voice at the thought of giving me up, even though he knew he had to eventually.

"It's ok Ch-dad. I'm coming home."

"You sure kiddo?"

"I'm sure."

I got in the cruiser and we drove off. My heart splintered with every miles, every yard, every foot every inch. Why was I doing this to myself? I was tempted to just throw myself out of the car and run back to Carlisle. But thankfully, most people, even if insane, have a subconscious.

_For once in your life, it's not about you! Think of you father!_

I froze. My father wouldn't be able to see me after graduation. He wouldn't be able to see me ever. This was truly my last chance to see him, to spend time with him. To be his living human breathing daughter for the last time before I became a bloodthirsty inhuman monster. I shivered at the thought.

I needed to do this, as much as it hurt. I needed to take care of Charlie for the last time. And it wasn't like I would never see Carlisle again. I would. Whether it was tripping, breaking my leg, getting an x-ray, or another vampire attack.

"I'm gonna go up to my room and unpack. K?"

"Mk."

I smiled as he settled himself in front of the tv with a beer in hand to watch sports. Just like old times. It didn't make missing Carlisle any easier. But may it made it a little more…bearable. This felt normal.

I didn't have to skip the second squeaky step when I walked up the stairs. It wasn't like I was sneaking around. I also knew Carlisle wouldn't be here till Charlie fell asleep. Carlisle…

Just the thought of that immortal blond haired god had my blood racing. My pulse pounding.

I sighed. This was going to be a long three hours. But at least I could get a late start on dinner and making Charlie something edible. Good gracious knows how long I've been out. I didn't even know how he was fending for himself. And I didn't want to even look at the pizza boxes or the egg cartons in the garbage can. Maybe I should consider teaching him how to cook before I take off?

I packed up my clothes as quickly as I could. Maybe if I didn't watch where I was going on the stairs I could accidentally break my leg and go see Carlisle at the hospital.

"Don't even think about it missy. Carlisle just got off work his shift anyway. He's at home reading. By the way, care to tell me why you left these at home?"

I rolled my eyes. Only Alice would ask why I left lingerie at the house. "Because if Charlie saw the Victoria's Secret bag, he would have had a heart attack."

"Bella, Charlie has given you to Carlisle. He already knows there are going to be some "things" going on."

"Really?"

"The things or Charlie?"

I couldn't wait to wipe that nasty smirk off her face. "Charlie!" Geeze! I would expect that from Emmett but not from Alice!

"More or less. He gave his permission and basically shoved you Carlisle's way so Carlisle could heal you. And when you were healed, that made him appreciate giving you to Carlisle so he's more ready for it to be permanent. But he also doesn't want to lose you."

Another sigh. "That's why I'm here."

"Stop being emo and pack these quickly. Seriously if I had a penny for every single time I heard you sigh, I'd be rich."

"You already are rich."

"Than it would go to your credit card and not mine. Now pack."

I looked inside the bag to get the first article of clothing out and hissed angrily.

"Alice! We didn't buy this! It's lingerie! If Charlie saw this he'd have an aneurysm, heart attack, and psycho fit all in one!"

"Good thing your boyfriends a doctor. Now hurry!"

"Alice no!"

"Bella, trust me."

I dropped the bag at her feet and walked out. I was sick to death of her pushing me around and thinking she could tell me what to do.

I started getting the red and green peppers and squash out of the fridge and smother a pan in natural oil before I put them in there to fry. After I put the rice in boiling water, and took some thawed meat out of the fridge (I'd told Charlie to put it in for me) and took it out to thaw it a bit longer, I went back upstairs to do damage control.

I opened my door to find that Alice was gone and that the bag was gone with her. I smiled as I grabbed my bag of toiletries from one of the bags and placed it on the handle of my door. I went to the dresser as I looked for some sweat pants to wear.

That was when I realized I would never, ever, EVER, leave Alice alone in my room again. She completely stole all my sweats and replaced everything with something disgustingly silky or lacy. And all of it was entirely racy! It was enough to make my stomach turn.

But I couldn't be bothered to actually try to find something I wanted to wear. I had to get back down stairs to switch the pot to the other stove and make the tea.

I should be used to vampire showing up in expected places by now. And yet somehow, it still makes me want to gasp in shock. I should know better.

"Alice, you have two seconds to get inside this house before I sic Carlisle on your sorry-"

"Ah ah ah! No cussing Bella! Old fashioned men don't find that attractive on young ladies."

"If he doesn't like it he can tell me himself. I'm pissed at you Alice and-"

"Lower your voice!"

"-I can't believe that you took all of my clothes!"

I stood there seething and jumped when I heard Charlie's voice. "I didn't know Alice was here."

"I let her in." Lying used to bother me a lot. But it didn't faze me now.

"I was just stopping by to give Bella a few clothes she left at my house." She smiled a pearly white smile. I scowled a teeth gritting scowl.

But her visit had one perk. If Charlie ever found out, at least hew knew where I got the lingerie. If he thought that Alice was that bad of an influence, he would cancel our shopping trips! That was another perk I hadn't thought about. I was almost thankful to Alice for coming. She had unknowingly given me an out. All I had to do was tell Charlie if he ever found out.

Charlie left the room to return to his game as I turned back with a smile to the stupid pixy, smirking.

"Bella, are you plotting against me?"

"Only the same way you do to me all the time Alice. Nothing more than you do to me."

"Oh. Ok." She seemed to relax. She really didn't have any idea. She actually looked like she was bluffing. She thought that I would actually give away my plans by actually deciding what and when I would tell Charlie. But I had no idea.

I wasn't going to say a thing unless Charlie found out. I smiled wickedly. Alice would be in so much trouble.

"Carlisle is coming at eight so be ready."

"Hmm." How would I do that? She took all my sweats?

"Oh, and Bella? One last thing."

"What Alice?" I rolled my eyes trying not to get upset.

"You might want to start wearing lingerie pretty soon."

She was gone before I could even think about throwing the pot at her head. Good thing I'm rationally minded. That would have only broken the window.

**So guys, what do you think? It's kinda a pre-lemon. Tell me how I did! And if you like the chapter, read and review! :D And once again, sorry for being gone so long. I'm a school nerd! Facepalm! XD**


	25. Bliss

**A/N Hey guys. Yay! I finally learned how to do the line thingy! Whoo hoo! Lol! I'm such an Emmett. Well guys, before you ask, yes, I'm back to fulfill all of your greatest addict dreams! Lol! So sit back, relax, and enjoy my muses work. (My gosh, I feel schitzo when I write. Ha ha!) Oh, and if you like Harry Potter with a Voldemort/Harry pairing, than check out my new story called Cover Me, which I will be updating every week. But for now, enjoy the story!**

**P.S. LET THERE BE LEMONS!**

* * *

><p>I poured the rice into two bowls and tipped the meat over it as well as the cooked squash. I'd never made the squash before but I'd read the directions. It didn't look that hard. Besides, when were vegetables ever truly that hard to cook?<p>

Wait…did Charlie even like Squash? Footfalls were heard in the hallway, I was about to find out.

"Smells good Bells."

I walked over to the table and poured us both a glass of tea as I set the food down on the table. This was just like the way it used to be before all the drama. I sat down to the meal and picked up a food filled spoon.

"Bella?"

"Mhmm." I popped the fork in my mouth, chewing noiselessly. Smacking always annoyed me. And even if you didn't smack, chewing with your mouth open was still disgusting.

"What's this yellow stuff?"

"Oh, that's cooked squash. You don't have to try it if you don't want to." But I hoped he would.

"Mmm."

I reflected on my earlier musings of what Alice had said. She'd always had some degree of control over what I wore. But it was usually only on really big occasions. Like for instance, a party or what the weather was going to be that day. She'd make me wear a coat or a dress. But why would she suddenly want me to start wearing…lingerie? I gulped as visions of lacy thongs invaded my mind, causing me to flinch. That was exactly what I was trying _not _to think about.

"It's good."

I think I might have hurt my neck a little when my head snapped up to look at Charlie. "What?" I rubbed the back of my neck.

"The Squash. It's good."

"Oh. Thanks." I blushed, looking down at my food again. I was just as much embarressed at the compliment as I was at where my thoughts were at. Why was it my mind was always in the gutter these days? Oh right...Alice. I was just thankful Charlie didn't see my face when my head snapped up. That probably would have only raised more questions.

But I smiled none the less. I was happy that I was finally getting Charlie to eat like a human being.

We continued eating rice, meat and squash. I popped another piece of meat into my mouth along with the rice.

"Jacob called."

I swallowed noiselessly.

"What'd he say?"

"He wants to hang out. You should call him back. Tell him ok."

"Yeah, that'd be cool. I haven't seen Jacob in a while. Did you two talk at all?"

I took a sip of the sweet tea. Charlie scooped up some rice.

"Yeah, things are pretty ok. Billy's left leg is bothering him a bit but he'll be fine."

I nodded. "Glad to hear they're doing ok."

"Yeah."

Forks scraped against the glass plates as we continued eating in silence. I knew there was something Charlie wanted to say but I wasn't sure what. I continued eating while my mind went over what he could possibly want to say to me.

"So how are things over at the Cullens?"

"Good," I answered. "Alice is still being Alice."

He chuckled a bit awkwardly. There was definitely something on his mind. "I like her. She's a good friend to you."

"She is." Now why don't you tell me what you really want to say Charlie?

"Bella, what do you think of Dr. Cullen?"

"He stitches me up when I fall flat on my face."

"Yeah that's true. But I didn't ask what he does for you. I asked how you…well, what you think about him."

I decided to spare poor Charlie. Men were never good with feelings. "I like him. He's a good man whose daughter is my closest friend and whose son is a ding a ling."

Charlie gave a small chuckle. Everyone who got close enough to the Cullens couldn't help but love Emmett.

"So, uh, did he help you at all?"

"We spent some time together. But mostly, I guess he helped me by getting me to "come out of my shell" as Emmet called it." Which led to a lot of jokes about me being crabby.

Charlie cracked a smile. "That's good."

"Yeah, it didn't feel like a psychiatrist appointment. It just felt like hanging with a good friend."

Charlie frowned at my use of the word friend. And chuckled a little too nervously. "So the good doctor didn't make any passes?"

I looked quizzically at Charlie. He didn't _really_ want to talk about this, did he? I mean, it wasn't really like him to want to dissect my relationships. That was Alice's job.

"What are you trying to get at dad?"

He sighed, almost angrily. That was never a good sign. "I overheard Emmett talking to…what's the blond one's name?"

"Rosalie?" I was mystified. What could he have heard from Roslie and Emmett that got him so upset?

"No the boy."

"Oh, Jasper."

A bad feeling settled in the pit of my stomach.

"I overheard Emmett talking to Jasper an isle over. Said something about Carlisle needing to "get a room". Would you possibly know anything about that Bells?"

"No. Nothing."

His voice was stern. "Are you with Carlisle, Bella?"

I remembered what Alice had said about Charlie's approval. I would have to tread carefully if I didn't want that revoked. But why was he even questioning me if I already had his approval?

"I like him."

"Stop avoiding the question Bella."

I resigned. "Yes, dad. Why?" I was suspiscious. What right did Charlie have to be questioning me?

"So being around the Cullen's isn't an excuse to see Edward?"

"Charlie! I thought you knew me better than that! I want nothing to do with Edward, I'm with Carlisle, and that's final."

Acid churned in my stomach and when I stood up from the table, I felt light headed and dizzy. Edward was a taboo subejct around me and everyone knew that, including Charlie.

I started cleaning the dishes angrily. I was about to leave when I heard Charlie mumble quietly.

"Bella, I'm not angry. Carlisle's a good man. A bit old, but not too old. What is he, twenty six?"

He mumbled low enough that I could always say that I didn't hear him. But I resigned myself to being mature.

"Yes."

"Not too much older considering your eighteen. Are you planning on, I don't know how the kids put it these days 'going together'?"

"I don't know. Why? Do you not approve?"

"It's not that. I like him. I was just wondering if you were, I don't know, considering?"

"Oh. Yeah." The unfortunate tell tale blush gave me away.

"Good." He seemed oddly relieved. "At least your with someone who can take care of you."

"When I fall flat on my face."

He chuckled a bit. "Just, uh...be careful Bella."

"Got it."

Charlie stood up from the table and went into the living room. "Hey Dad, do you wanna beer?"

"That's ok. I'll get it."

"K."

He smiled at me and I returned the grin. Argument over.

I grabbed the plates off the table and began scrubbing off the plates regularly at a much more normal pace.

Well, that could have hurt more. He knew that I didn't normally talk about it. And even if I did, it was noramlly around Carlisle where I had someone to protect me from the harsh reality that I wasn't good enough. I couldn't handle talking about it without Carlisle here.

But as far as the rest of the conversation went after we had stopped fighting, he really had scared me there for a few moments. I had almost thought he was going to lecture me about sex. Than again, I was glad that he understood that the phrase "get a room" meant making out and not actually thinking that it meant all but sleeping together. Although I _was_ considering more…unsightly activities.

I went up to my room and didn't bother turning on the lights. I grabbed my towel and bag of toiletries, heading for the bathroom.

I stripped out of my shirt and jeans and something in the mirror caught my eye. A hair that had fallen out and landed on my bra. Maybe I _was_ OCD. I'd always disagreed with the diagnosis. But…maybe they were right.

I plucked off the hair and threw it in the garbage. I stared longer in the mirror, staring at my figure.

I'd never done this before but surprisingly, it wasn't to bad. I wasn't fat. Wasn't skinny. And not really too curvy but at least I didn't look like a boy anymore. I had at least B size cups and a few curves on my waist. My eyes were drawn to my set of underwear. Surprisingly, it wasn't half bad. Or at least, I thought so. I'd always liked it. Modest and plain. But on the other hand, I could suddenly see why Alice had bought the lingerie. This didn't exactly spell sexy. But you also had to take into that Carlisle probably wouldn't ever get far enough to see anything.

And even if he did, I wasn't obvious and sexy like Rosalie or cute and fun sized like Alice. I had no vampire traits to attract a vampire and the only thing I had going for me was that I was his mate. In the end, that had to be enough. I had nothing else to give.

I was about to step into the shower when I remembered that Alice had specifically told me to wear lingerie tonight. I was really nervous about it because I wasn't used to showing that much skin. But if I was brave enough to date a vampire, I was brave enough to wear lingerie.

I listened to make sure Charlie was still downstairs watching tv and when I remembered that he was, I wrapped a towel around my body and went into my room. I opened the door and sitting there on my bed was a set of non threatening silky blue panties. I grabbed them both up and was about to leave to the bathroom when a slip of paper slipped out of the bra.

I unfolded the piece, careful not to get a paper cut.

_Bella,  
><em>_Don't bother with pajamas. Just wear the set. Trust me.  
><em>_Oh, and shave the obvious too.  
><em>_And don't worry, you won't cut yourself.  
><em>_Alice_

I reread the note. Shave the…what was she talking about? And than it hit me. Grrr. Stupid future meddling pixy. I thought for a minute about trying to wear a pajama set. Even a "sexy" one.

But I knew Alice would see if I tried to wear sweats and a tanktop at the last minute. So I walked out with only the set in hand and hooked the towel onto the rack. I could do this. I stepped into the shower and began shaving my legs. Once I was sure they were smooth, I also shaved what Alice called "the obvious".

It was awkward because I'd never really tried. I was always so afraid that because I was clutzy, I might make a wrong move hurt myself and ending up trying to explain to Charlie why I was there. I winced But luckily, there wasn't much to shave.

I poured some scented shampoo into my hand as I began washing my hair and soaping down my body. Now that my legs were shaved, I was embarrassed how much hair had been on the back of my legs. I was glad Alice had told me to get rid of it. And It's not like I didn't shave regularly. It's just that I saved it for days that were easy. Like an easy day at work or an uneventful weeks of school.

I happily grabbed the bottle of coconut body wash and shampoo. I'd always used strawberry because that's what he said he liked. But on the first night I had used it, the only reason I did was because they were out of coconut. Now that _he_ was gone, I could switch back. And I was happy about it. After I'd washed my hair, soaped myself over twice, and hung the towel up, I turned to brush my hair and face my fear…or clothes. If you could even call them that. But at least they weren't made of lace.

I donned the underwear set without looking at it. The quicker I did it, the better. Kind of like ripping off a band-aid. But I was more scared of putting things on than ripping them off.

I walked into my room and froze when I saw the blond haired god standing by my window. He was wearing a blue button up shirt tucked into a pair of black dress pants. His coat hung over my chair.

"Ah, Bella! It's wonderful to see you again. I-" he stopped. He stopped and he stared.

I felt self conscious almost immediately. Did he not like it? Was I too naked? Was he angry that I wasn't wearing anything? _He_ would have been...

Carlisle looked right into my eyes, and smiled. A truly heart warming smiled, touched with a slight amusement.

"Did you like the lingerie I bought you Bella?"

Wait…that wasn't Alice?

"_You_ bought me lingerie?"

"I did."

I was confused. "I thought it was Alice."

Remind me to tell Alice sorry. I felt horrible for almost not wearing it. But Carlisle came from a different century. Maybe this was the wrong thing to wear even still. Had Alice steered me wrong?

"I'm not too naked?"

He sighed. "At first when I saw you, I thought this was your way of showing me you liked it. But let me guess, Alice didn't tell you I bought it."

I shook my head.

"And you wore it because she told you to?"

I nodded.

He smiled. "I know my daughter well Bella. I've lived with her for several years. But you don't seem as uncomfortable as you were before."

"Well I didn't like wearing it before I knew you bought it. I thought it was Alice trying to get me to be…I don't know…sexy?"

His eyes rolled. "I need to tell her to stop meddling. It's completely unfair to you."

But I was suddenly feeling much better about the scraps of lace in my top drawer. And I certainly wouldn't mind pirouetting in the raciest ones now that I knew she hadn't had a hand in buying them.

Carlisle caught my eye and I swore I could almost see the golden speck floating around in his venom coated eyes. He was so beautiful.

"Why are you so against Alice buying you clothes?"

"Because she really doesn't need to spend money on me."

I felt like face palming myself almost immediately and I looked away shyly. Why did thinking about Carlisle make my body turn to a puddle? I couldn't even talk right around him. I always just said the first thing that came to mind. Maybe I just needed to be a little less distracted. But with Carlisle around, that was hard to do.

Carlisle walked towards me slowly, slower than even a human's pace. I could see every muscle underneath his shirt as they rippled in a smooth strong tandem. When he reached me, he slowly buried his nose in my hair, and his sweet breath tickled my sensitive skin as I was bathed in his masculine scent. "Bella it's natural for us Cullen's to spoil our mates and friends rotten. We even spoil each other."

I was already spoiled by him being so close. I smirked in the darkness, positive his sensitive eye sight could see it. Spoiled...hmm..maybe that was why Rosalie was such a bitch? I laughed a bit to myself.

"What's funny?"

"I was about to tell the joke when I remembered he didn't like crude language. I shook my head.

"Tell me."

I shook my head again. "You wouldn't like it. It's more an Emmett type of joke."

He smiled. "Well, I'm not a fan of foul language. But you aren't normally one to curse. And Emmett's jokes are usually pretty funny."

I smiled. "They are."

I was embarrassed at how my voice shook. By the way my knees were weak. At how I was hyper aware of how closely he was pressed up against me. If I offered…would he want to? Well, I was in my house, in my bedroom, with my own father in the bedroom right next to mine. And to top it all off, Carlisle was from a true Victorian century. I wouldn't think he'd be comfortable with that, would he? I truly wished I could read his mind. That would make things so much easier.

But I had to admit that on some level, being with Carlisle like that and having the possibility of being walked in on was a huge turn on. The thrill of getting caught sent lust spiked adrenaline running through my blood. But I tried to quash it. I knew for a fact that nothing would happen tonight. I would simply sleep in Carlisle's strong arms, just as I had done in his room.

But we _had_ done a lot more in his bedroom...

If only we could go back to earlier. A not so delicate shiver ran through me completely.

But I couldn't possibly imagine him ever thinking like that. And I wasn't too keen on telling him my dirty thoughts. The thought alone was enough to make my face go red because telling him was embarrassing.

"Bella, do you not like it when I spend money on you?" I turned around in his wrapped arms and buried my face into his chest. I was so guilty that I'd thought of even wearing anything other than what Carlisle had bought. Now he thought I didn't like his gift!

"Carlisle, please-"

"Don't feel guilty Bella. You've done nothing wrong. And I'm not hurt, just curious." His hands swept down the side of my cheek ever so gently like he was caressing the softest silk. My spine melted quickly against the heat overtaking me completely. I tried rubbing my thighs together to escape the sensation.

"I like your gifts. I really do. I just feel very guilty that I have nothing to give back to you. It's completely unfair."

He smiled, leaning in slightly to wash his cool sweet breath over mine. "Bella, our love, in and of itself, is a gift to me. You don't have to try to give me anything because you give me a gift just by being alive. Without you, I would never have found my mate, my love. And for that alone, I will owe you the rest of eternity my Bella."

His hand traveled over my ribcage, coming to rest on my hip. "I love you Bella."

His lips pressed against mine as his hand slowly dragged itself up my thigh and right inside. My breath hitched at the thought of relief. But he skipped than he skipped my upper thigh completely.

_"Carlisle."_

I knew we coudln't have sex in my room. But the least he could do was not tease me.

In zero seconds, I was on the bed, my body pressed flat against the sheet and a cool, yet insistent mouth on mind. And I felt those pale white smooth hard hands travel down my collar bone as his fingers worked his magic. I thought I would pass out.

_My beautiful Bella. What did I ever do to deserve a creature such as you? So beautiful…like silk and chocolate, she is worth more than the finest wine._

As his lust ridden thoughts took over my mind, I lost myself in him. And the more I lost myself completely, the more I knew I wouldn't be able to come back. Suddenly, I was hit with a painful stab of lust. Ten times more powerful than anything I had ever been hit with. He _needed_ me. My gods, he needed me. If I were him, I would have already been taken.

_"Carlisle."_

I wanted another kiss. But more importantly, I wanted what we'd had earlier. And just like earlier, I hooked my legs around him, much to my consternation because I still couldn't hit the right angle that I needed. But just like earlier, his hands grabbed my hips and when he thrust, my hips bucked. That was the spot I needed.

And I made the mistake of looking into those beautiful eyes. Or maybe it wasn't a mistake. I didn't know anymore. Because finally, after so long, I could stare into his golden lust filled eyes, and see how beautiful they actually were. I didn't have to look away. I didn't have to be distracted. I didn't have to be anything other than focused on him. I was pulled further into that reverie with a powerful thrust of his hips, as mine responded in kind.

But it wasn't fast enough. It wasn't hard enough. I needed _more._

_"Carlisle."_ _More._

I thrust my hips up again, trying to get closer to where my body _really_ wanted to be. And when he placed himself directly between my legs, I lost it. I wasn't aware how fast my hips were moving. I wasn't aware that every stroke of my overheated body was bringing Carlisle closer to the edge. Or maybe I was.

Maybe that all consuming fire was where his lust and mine mixed. Yes. Ice is great, and will suffice.

"Bella, stop."

I moaned in agony when he slowed. I grabbed his hips, desperate. "No, please."

"Bella."

But I couldn't. I needed him desperately. And so my hips not only kept their tempo, I sped up.

"Bella, wouldn't you rather be closer to me?"

"Mmmhmm, closer." The thought was a heated brand upon my brain screaming like a neon sign. Closer. Closer. Closer.

_"Bella."_

His hands left me and his lips carressed my neck. I felt him reach for his buckle and suddenly felt annoyed. "No more belts." It would make it easier for his pants to come off.

I was answered with a growl and a bruising kiss as I felt those tight slacks loosen. Yes! Finally!

I shivered delicately as his lips traveled over my collar bone and than to the jugular of my neck. The way he pulled at the skin almost felt like he was sucking my neck…or drinking my blood. Mmm. Even becoming a vampire sounded erotic right now. I shook my head of all thoughts as he began that same gentle sucking motion with more insistence.

Than he kissed his way, almost desperately, up to my lips. His cool ones gently but incessantly moved against mine as his hands roamed ever so slowly down my body. By the time he'd pulled back, he was already at my breasts, tweaking the pebbled nubs between his hands ever so softly. He lowered his mouth and took one soft swipe of a delicate peak, causing my hips to buck, just like they had earlier. Except this time, I moved over an expanse of freed, hard, muscular, naked skin. And I was desperate. I tried closing my legs around his hips but he unhooked my legs and held them down as he continued to swipe that peak as he ran his tongue over it.

I whimpered. Big mistake.

He began licking harder. My gods! Would I last through this?

The material concealing me from him only a minor annoyance. But he was touching me. And I could feel the extra friction the layer provided. My hips bucked as he began running his tongue harder against me. But all I wanted was to get out of my panties.

And I was already shimmying them down my legs, or at least trying valiently to. But Carlisle was pressing me harder into the mattress, trying to stop that from happening. My only question, why?

"Carlisle."

"Bella."

The smirk in his voice would be enough to annoy me at any other time. But right now? I. Did. Not. Care.

"Please."

"Please _what_ Bella?"

"Please," my breath left me in harsh pants. "touch me."

"Am I not already touching you Bella?"

He licked again and again until I was crying out against a pillow.

"More."

He smiled devilishly. "As you wish."

And he unhooked the bra as his tongue resumed it's cool work. I shivered.

"Too cold?"

"No."

Not even close.

I pulled his head further to my chest, happy that he liked what he saw but needing him to move on. Just hurry up! Please, hurry.

I grinded myself into thin air yet again as my hips bucked. I was becoming more sensitive by the moment as his tongue teased each taut peak, driving me to the brink of absolute madness. And a chant began inside my head. So close...so close...so _close._

So close to where the beating of his frenzied heart should be as my pulse roared inside my own ears. So close to screaming out as my voice was caught inside my throat. So very close to falling off the brink to the edge of oblivion. Just let me _cum_.

"Not so fast."

I almost scared myself with the vampire like growl that was elicted from my throat by this gorgeous man. Just the thought of what he could make me do drove me crazy and my panties hadn't even come off yet!

All I wanted was for the torture to stop. I wanted him to lick me. Mmm. Now. Even the thought, normally so embarrassing to me, was so sexy when I felt like I was burning up. I needed _more._

I felt hands carress themselves down my sides and up my back gently and unhook the bra behind my back as his lips sucked gently. I ran a clawed hand through his hair, desperate. All I wanted was more.

"What do you want Bella?"

I hesitated. "It's embarrassing."

"Bella, please tell me."

"I want your mouth on me."

He lips met mine.

"Lower."

He sucked lightly at my neck.

"Lower."

He sucked at a hard peak again but I shook my head. "Lower."

He looked almost desperate now. This game was fun.

He licked a line across my skin, between my breasts down my belly swooping into my navel and he kissed the hem of my panty line.

"Please take them off, Carlisle."

His cold long gentle fingers hooked inside the panties and pulled them down my thighs, across my calves and off. He was finally kissing me.

I let out a long, shaky heated breath, hoping he would give into my demands. "Lick me." I almost was tempted to cross my fingers and finally, he was touching what I had needed attention to for the last hour, or at least it felt like an hour.

As his tongue worked magic, I ran my hands through his hair. The friction felt so good! I had no idea it could possibly be like this. I was glad I'd never done this with anyone but Carlisle.

I felt more wetness seap from me, which earned a moan from Carlisle making me moan in return.

"Delicious Bella."

I pulled his head back to me. I didn't want him to be done just yet. I was really enjoying that. And obediently, his tongue went back to work. Slipping in between my inner lips. Snaking inwards to find my G-spot. Repeatedly flicking over the nub of my desire. It was all too much. And I began to feel that gentle pulling coming from inside again. I wanted more.

Carlisle seemed to realize it too. His clothes were gone in an instant, and he was hovering over me, letting me taste myself on his lips. I'd always thought that would be disgusting. But now I found it erotic.

"Bella, I have to warn you, this will hurt."

I didn't even blink. "I don't care. Please Carlisle. I need this."

And with that, he came inside me inch by agonizing inch. Moving forward ever so slightly, so slowly. And I felt completely full. It truly was a beautiful feeling.

And than, I felt him hit a thin barrier and flinched. But I wanted it gone. "Take me."

He pushed himself in the rest of the way. But oddly enough, I didn't feel much pain. When he came inside me, I felt full. So completely and totally full. I wanted more than he was giving me. I moved my hips to show him I was ready and I hissed in pleasure at the sensation of him moving within me.

He sat on his calves, knees spread, and pulled my legs around his hips, entering me. And he quickly began moving his hips. I could hear the sounds of him slapping against me and I felt the bitter sweet sting that accompanied. It only heightened the sensation.

I pulled him down to me and we lay front to front on our sides with my leg hitched up around his hip. He'd never stopped moving, he'd never slowed down. If anything, he was going slightly faster. His hand kept itself on my thigh to steady me and he moved into me quicker, shaking the bed. I hoped we didn't wake up Charlie.

I felt my head spinning wildly and I closed my eyes. Against the onslaught of emotion and feelings, I just couldn't keep them open. It was too much. Far too much. And yet I needed more.

"Faster. Harder."

My breath came in short pants but I couldn't seem to catch my breath. If anything, it was even harder to breath. But who needed breathing when you had such bliss?

"Carlisle..." I trailed off as spiderwebs trailed across the surface of my vision. I could feel every muscle in my body and every taught and tight sinew of his. This was paradise.

As I came down from my high, I felt a gentle hand rubbing across my back and that was the moment I realized Carlisle loved me. I cuddled into his naked chest as I blissfully fell asleep.

"Thank you Carlisle."

* * *

><p><strong>AN Did you guys like the lemon? Sorry if it was too long. I try to make them realistic. But I hope you guys liked it! Please review!**


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